Am i doing the right thing?

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Hi everyone,

Okay so i've made a decision to stop taking flu! I'm on 20mg a day and for the first 3 weeks i felt abit wierd and i was ok, didnt really have any side affects, slept loads. But after christmas i've felt no different! I've been up and down like a yoyo, and sometimes i've gone abit manic. I dont like that bit. I'm not coping very well on the flu and think i was coping better before.

It might be a change in circumstances, i've been off work for 7 weeks now, and have more time to sit at home and think about things! Maybe thats why my moods all over the place?

The thought of putting up my dosage scares the crap out of me which is irrational, i dont want to become numb!

My doctor has been trying to get my to take AD's for the last 7 years, even when i was pregnant!, but i always refused. This may sound daft so bear with me...

I always thought of my situation as i'm at point A (depressed) and i want to get to point B (not depressed) but i dont know how to get there!

Anti depressants always felt to me that i would fall asleep on the jounery, so i would wake up at point B with still no idea how i got there!

I want to be awake, i know its going to be painful but i think i need to go through it! I think i'm always going to suffer, but if i know my way i'll remember the route next time and each time i make that jounery i'll get alittle quicker each time!!

I guess what i'm asking is have i made the right decision? Does any of this make sense or am i just being niave? I took the AD's this time because i want to break the chain, there is a history of depression in the family, my nana commited suicide. I dont want my daughter to ever feel the way i do! I am abit confused, maybe alittle mad!lol

Any advise would be welcome smile

The orb fairy.

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Orb Fairy, i was on flu at the start of last yr from jan - aug and i thought i had got to point B as you say and just stopped them just like that too but it was the worst thing i ever could have done as i wasnt really at B, i was just having a lot of things going right for me at the time and i thought i was cured.

    To be honest by september i was already sliding back and def by nov/dec i was worse than i was ever before. I was in a worse place than i have ever been before and it was because i had just stopped suddenly.

    So please think about what you are doing and 3 weeks in on these tablets isnt that long even though im sure you think it is right now? Maybe flu doesnt work for you but there is plenty of other ones to try why dont you go back to the dr and talk it through??

    I think all AD's will make you feel numb at some point though as that is the idea of them to level you out and numb your feelings so that you dont get the highs or lows etc

    Hope my post helps? Keep in touch

    Nicki xx

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  • Posted

    hi the orb fairy,

    I think u should stick with it.

    I knew for a while that I suffered with depression. It's horrible I hate it!

    As a teenager I use to deal with it in a different way. Don't really know exactly how.

    Yes u r right it runs in the family. My dad, mum and granny had it. And I think I know what u mean. I think I just didn't want to believe that there was something wrong with me. That I have an illness.

    Last month I took a friday of work. I fealt really really bad. Somehow I just went to my GP and told him that I suffer with depression and if there was something that could help me. He gave me 20mg flu to take daily. I swallowed the first pill as soon as I got them from boots. The whole evening I had a fealing like if there was something stuck in my throat. I don't remember that weekend but I remember going to work on Monday I noticed a something different. Could have been a placebo effect but I was somehow easly amused and seeing the people who I quit like put a smile on my face. After that I was back to square 1. In week 2 I started to feel some side effects. It was draging me down, felt like a zombie. I wanted stronger ones.

    And 2 days ago I saw my GP again to get my next supply and he increased the dosage to 40mg daily. I was scared, nearly fainted. He told me that all these side effects I'm having r just signs that flu is begining to work.

    So yeah I want to stick with it and think u should to.

    How r u fealing it? Do you feal different in general?

    All the Best

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  • Posted

    Hi Nicki b and iamalone,

    I've been on flu for 3 months now and today i want to cry but i cant, i have been able to do nothing so far this week and am still working myself up to go and do the washing up.lol

    The flu should be working by now, its not fair, am sick of this!! I need my Boo with me, but even when shes here i cant get motivated! Shes a very active kid and i havent got the energy at the moment.

    I have been worse than this in the past, but i know if i fall down again i will never get back up. Thats the thing that scares me! What will i do if that happens again!

    Now i'm just waffling on and depressing everyone :oops: I cant see my gp til the 19th, but i'm going to stay off them til then, see what happens!

    Thanks for your advice, maybe its not the right medication for me thats why i dont feel any different.

    Thanks again and take care of yourselves.

    The orb fairy

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  • Posted

    Hi everyone

    I've been on flu for just over ten months now and since Boxing day i have been taking them every other day. Don't really feel any different to when i was taking them daily, had a bad turn on Friday, had the shakes and felt anxious, first time in about 4 months, scared the hell out of me. I was advised by my doc to come off flu very very slowly. Taking them every other day and then every three days. I'll do the every other day until end of Feb then see how i feel. A friend of mine just stopped her AD's, not flu, and within a week she was back to square one, a mess, and back on them. I'm saying this mainly to Orb Fairy because i don't want you making yourself worse.

    I was pleased, well sort of, to hear that someone felt like they had something stuck in their throat all day after taking a tablet, i had that at the beginning, thats why now i take them first thing and then immediately eat my breakfast.

    I'm sure depression runs in families, my mum's been on AD's for about 20 years and i have aunties and cousins on them too. Never ever thought i'd be like that but hey here i am joining them.

    Hope everyones feeling okay today and have a great weekend..

    Take Care

    Samx

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  • Posted

    hey,

    maybe Nicki B is right. Might not be the right ones for u.

    I thought you said that u were on them for 3 weeks but I miss read.

    3 months and u don't feel a difference? I've read on various web pages about flu that u shouldn't just stop taking flu without telling your GP first. It could cause problems. It's up to u tho.

    I would recommend that u tell your GP exactly how u feel and be honest.

    Only then will they be able to understand and help u better. It's their job. Lol

    Don't worry about what u write. If somebody doesn't like it, it will just be in their mind for a moment and then forget about it.

    Take care

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I feel in such a terrible bind! I started asking for help about 18 months ago now. I've seen several mental health workers and have been turned away because i'm not on medication and i drink on a regular basis. One woman turned round and dismissed my depression as down to my alcohol misuse (cheeky mare). I was refered to the alcohol unit who couldnt treat me because i didnt drink a certain amount and because i self harm!

    Its taken a year for someone to listen to me properly, and i started taking the AD's because i felt i had no chose, i couldnt get help any other way, i had to take them to recieve any talking therpies!

    Now thanks to one bloke, hes making sure i'm not falling through the cracks of the system but am feel like i'm letting him down (and myself) by not getting any better, in fact getting worse!

    Maybe its my own negative thinking about the pills that are preventing them from working!

    I was sure what i wanted to do this morning! Damn this site :lol:

    Now even more confused!

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  • Posted

    hi Fairy sorry i miss read too i thought u had been on them for 3 weeks nt 3 months. You have had a lot of replies i hope you can make a decison which is right for you?

    How do you feel tonight?

    Nicki x

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  • Posted

    Hi Nicki,

    Unfortunately i found someone i shouldnt have yesterday! Damn computer and too much time on my hands!lol

    The feelings of disgust and self loathing returned and i felt sick all day, not even taking my girls out cheered me up.

    Whats the point of messing about with pills if im still going o be sick at the sight of someones name!

    I'm sorry, i dont mean to go on. At the moment am nursing a hangover, couldnt cope last night, wanted to hurt myself badly but got drunk instead!

    I need to sort myself out, i'm a grown woman! why do i do this to myself :x I dont know what to do, the flu's not helping things are getting worse and there is noone to talk to!

    I'm so sorry, bringing everyone down!God what a manic depressive drama queen i am!lol

    I'm sorry ignore me, am going to try and do something more positive today, i might actually go out! :shock: and speak to someone :shock:

    I hope your well and sorry to burden you.

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  • Posted

    hi Fairy

    Sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday... iv had a teary valentines day too and so different to last year... I also hate the computer too when you find someone you love in photos with other people all loved up and it makes you feel worthless and so down...

    My girlfriend told me today that we was togther for a yr and half and all she misses is our friendship and she hasnt even been that since we broke up 7 weeks ago and i was gutted totally ripped apart...

    Again i need to try and re pick myself up from the floor and believe that there is people out there who dont want to hurt me..

    I hope you have a better night tonight ok

    Thinking of you

    Nickixx

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  • Posted

    Hi Nicki,

    Sorry to hear about your girlfriend. He's moved on and cut me out of his life, but i cant do the same.

    I thought he cared about me and it turns out i was just something to do to pass the time! it still hurts and i dont know why! :?

    Didnt have a brilliant night, didnt eat anything yesterday, fell asleep on the sofa and woke up at 3am. Just lay in bed thinking after that.

    Sorry to go on, hope your well today.

    Thanks for thinking of me

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  • Posted

    Hi everyone,

    Ok so i've gone back on the flu! Doctor persuaded me to take them again for a fortnight until i see the pyschatrist!

    Didnt feel any withdrawls until about 4 days after i stopped taking them and then i got a headache. Days 5 and 6 were awful, I was so tired could barely stay awake, but this was at 4pm when i had my daughter and niece with me! I then started to drink lots of strong coffee to keep me going, but then i'd be too buzzed to go to sleep and so would drink to get me to sleep!

    I feel rubbish at the moment, i cant be bothered to do anything! I'm still sat in my bed, dont want to get up! My daughter's watching telly downstairs( thank god for citv!lol)

    I need to stop drinking now, its begining to get out of hand again! I tried the non alcoholic wine last night but it tasted rubbish so i went and got a bottle of the real stuff and drank the lot!

    How do i stop? I know its habit now, i do it out of sheer boredom and frustration or because i've slept so badly!

    I need to stop drinking for this fortnight to see if the flu is working or not, that would be the fairest thing to do! But what do i do in the mean time?

    What is my motivation?lol

    Think i will go to the library today! whoop, i like reading anyway and have a real urge to frighten myself silly with a good horror! Dont know why because twice now i have woking up screaming because of a nightmare!lol Whats that all about? Sometimes i think its bcause i feel so numb sometimes that i want to feel something, even if i just wet myself through sheer fright!lol sorry TMI

    Sorry to go on with myself.

    Hope everyone is well

    The orb fairy

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  • Posted

    [quote:e462f3c516=\"the orb fairy\"]Hi everyone,

    Okay so i've made a decision to stop taking flu! I'm on 20mg a day and for the first 3 weeks i felt abit wierd and i was ok, didnt really have any side affects, slept loads. But after christmas i've felt no different! I've been up and down like a yoyo, and sometimes i've gone abit manic. I dont like that bit. I'm not coping very well on the flu and think i was coping better before.

    It might be a change in circumstances, i've been off work for 7 weeks now, and have more time to sit at home and think about things! Maybe thats why my moods all over the place?

    The thought of putting up my dosage scares the crap out of me which is irrational, i dont want to become numb!

    My doctor has been trying to get my to take AD's for the last 7 years, even when i was pregnant!, but i always refused. This may sound daft so bear with me...

    [u:e462f3c516][color=red:e462f3c516][b:e462f3c516]I always thought of my situation as i'm at point A (depressed) and i want to get to point B (not depressed) but i dont know how to get there!

    Anti depressants always felt to me that i would fall asleep on the jounery, so i would wake up at point B with still no idea how i got there![/b:e462f3c516][/color:e462f3c516][/u:e462f3c516]I want to be awake, i know its going to be painful but i think i need to go through it! I think i'm always going to suffer, but if i know my way i'll remember the route next time and each time i make that jounery i'll get alittle quicker each time!!

    I guess what i'm asking is have i made the right decision? Does any of this make sense or am i just being niave? I took the AD's this time because i want to break the chain, there is a history of depression in the family, my nana commited suicide. I dont want my daughter to ever feel the way i do! I am abit confused, maybe alittle mad!lol

    Any advise would be welcome smile

    The orb fairy.[/quote:e462f3c516]

    Hi Orb

    I'm not sure point B is the end of the illness.

    I'd be more inclined to see point A (depressed) points b,c,d,e and so on as a part of the journey to recovery.

    See each letter as a stepping stone rather than taking one huge step from depressed to not depressed.

    There could be a thousand and one things that put you at A, each one needing to be addressed one step at a time!

    If it helps try writing down the alphabet and at the side of each letter from B through to Z write one thing that worries you or causes you stress, personal problems, family matters etc.

    Address just one of them until you feel confident enough to move onto the next.

    Melbi x

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi,

    Yeah it's pretty childish and niave of me to see it as just points A and B.

    Had to make a confession last Monday, but i'm still in denial about it ( it happened to her not me, i'm not the same person i was then)

    Oh God its going to take years.lol Even made my psychologist groan with pity at me! :shock:

    I'm so stupid, i just wanted a quick fix, but the more i talk about my past, the more unreasonable that seems! So much has happened more than is reasonable for one person! I can talk about my childhood on here with ease, to anyone, but not the last 8 years of my life, because i'd have to start at the begining!

    Ha listen to me, i'm off on one again!l :lol:

    Thanks Melbi

    The orb fairy

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  • Posted

    Hi Orb

    Ahhh! See that is where we all go wrong :oops:

    We look at everything as one very large picture and straight away we see years of obstacles in front of us.

    That is why I suggested the writing it all down. Get it all on paper and not in your head where is gets spun over and over until it is impossible to see where to begin or where it ends. In fact by the time our mind has raced over and over the millions of little problems they become one huge one (Depression)

    So Orb, please try and not see it as years of struggling and hard work.

    Get it down on paper - leave just the one at point B in your head and deal with that one only - none of the others - just point B!

    It doesn't matter how you deal with it, it could be through posting about it on here, or if it is too personal to you then try writing it in an email and sending it to yourself. Some days when you are feeling low, re read that email. Eventually you will start to fit all the jigsaw pieces together and you might even find some missing pieces that fit the puzzle.

    Give it a go, what have you got to lose :D

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Ah, thats the problem! Things have just snowballed!! (hehe earlier reference to a snow joke!) My experiences in childhood all contributed to the situation i found myself in 8 years ago.

    That at the moment is very raw and painful! But even if i come to terms with it and deal with it, could i ever tell my daughter what her dad really did to me?

    And then all the stuff that happened after him! What i big mess really.

    I will try to give it a go. I need to start writing everything down, i have far to much time on my hands. I need to get it down in black and white and be truthful instead of letting my mind colour and bur everything!

    Wow!

    One step forward!

    On a positive note i have managed to get out of bed, get washed and feed my daughter!lol Well done me, its only half 1! :D

    Thanks Melbi

    The orb fairy

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