Am I expecting to much to soon

Posted , 6 users are following.

I have just found out that my 39 year old daughter is an alcoholic, I received a call from her best friend to tell me to get to her house ASAP, When we got there she was out of her head totally drunk the house was a tip and my grandchildren neglected.

she was convulsing blacking out and stopped breathing, an ambulance came straight away got her to hospital where she was admitted for a week to help with withdrawal. she is attending AA meetings she started drinking in September 2019

children' s social care have told her to stop drinking or her children will be taken away and i will be their guardian. She is still lying and drinking even though she denies it. I am staying with her at present for my grandchildren's safety and well being. she is not getting intoxicated. I had warned her when she came out of hospital i will call social care myself if she continues to drink she does not know that i know she is still drinking i found the empty bottles.

The bottles are the tiny wine bottles not litre bottles I dint know what to too, she is ruining my and my families lives.

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  • Posted

    There is proper medical treatment available for this condition. All a hospital will do is patch her up and send her back out there. Which country are you in?

    Whilst AA can be an excellent peer support group, that is what it is - a support group.

    A support group, coupled with some medical treatment is likely to be far more beneficial to her. Drinking causes changes within the neural pathways in her brain, and medical advances have now provided us with medications that are safe, non-addictive, and they help to reset those pathways back to the normal, pre-drinking, condition. She is suffering from a medical condition, and with all due respect, threatening her that you will call social care if she is continuing to drink will not help long term - somebody with this condition can not just stop drinking and stay stopped, no matter how much they might wish to.

    Personally, I used a treatment called The Sinclair Method to help reset my drinking history of 20+ years.

    Alternatively, a doctor may deem that a medication called Campral might be more beneficial to her.

    My point is that there ARE recognised medical treatments that can help her, but she may need to see a doctor who specialises in treating the condition to get properly assessed to see if any one of them might be suitable to help her. Many general doctors don't know anything about this condition and despite medical advances over the past number of years, they are not required to keep up with them, and so they wrongly tell people that AA should be enough and that if they keep relapsing then they are weak-willed.

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    • Posted

      Apologies, I meant to say MOST people with this condition can not just stop drinking, and stay stopped, no matter how much they might wish to.

      Of course, there will always be some people who can, but they are by far in the majority. The majority get much better long-term success with a mixture of medication and support.

      I say to everyone: there is a tool-box of treatment and support out there - she should use as many of these tools as she wishes in order to get well again.

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    • Posted

      It is, yes, but easier to get from a private gp rather than on the NHS,

      If you would like to private message me the town you live in and your email address, I will do a bit of research for you and will be able to email you the options for where you live.

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    • Posted

      Hi Yvonne , I am so sorry to read your daughter , her family and of course yourself are going through a real rough time at the moment. If your daughter wants to get her life back together believe me it really is posssible if its a road she wants and is willing to travel. Listen to Joanna's soundc advice

      You have come to the right place here where there is so much support from people who have 'been there' but also from many others too who are finding their way .

      Many of us here have either got our drinking under safe normal control or entirely stopped using the Sinclair method or medications which reduce cravings .Listen and be guided by what Joanna has to tell you, she is a mine of information, knowledge and support and so many of us dont know where we would have been without her .

      Take care of yourself too.

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    • Posted

      hi Joanna can you please give me more info on this method for my husband our family are torn with his addiction lost his driving lience too much to tell you but any support advice would be much appreciated we live in glasgow and hie easy is it to have that medication prescribed by an NHS Gp

      cheers ann

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  • Posted

    Hi Yvonne, yes Joanna knows what is the best way forward and The Sinclair Method is great. I recommend anybody to take contact with Joanna. Best of luck to you and your family. I do not know how to give advice if your daughter is still drinking after such a serious situation and hospital etc....Robin.

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  • Posted

    Hey Yvonne23350,

    I am so sorry to hear about this frustrating time that you are having and now know the pain that you are going through. And the sad fact about how I know is I myself put my Parents through a similar situation.

    If your Daughter has developed a dependence to alcohol (physically/mentally) then it is pretty much going to be the only thing she thinks about 24/7 as she no longer will receive serotonin from the other things in Life, like eating, personal hygiene, child bonding. I'm afraid that the best advice I can give is decide whether of not you are prepared to be guardians to your Grandchildren for as long as it takes for her to get better? (when she eventually seeks help herself). If you can, then that is 10000% the best help that you could ever offer to someone that you love and of course, the Grand kids. And the tough bit?....Withdraw all help that you give her. If she visits you then have a Zero Alcohol policy in the property. Supply food and shelter, no money. Have strict boundaries. She thinks that her secret drinking is a clever, sneaky, victim less crime. If she breaks a rule, kick her our. Only she can make the change, she will only do that when she feels uncomfortable with her situation and sees what she she is doing to her Family and ultimately, what she could lose. That is the best thing you could do (in my humble opinion 😉 ), for your Daughter and the rest of your Family. Please believe me when I say that things will get better, you obviously have a close Family if it is hurting so bad, that is what is going to get you through this, stay strong. XX

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