Am I falling out of love or just depressed?

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Lately I have been dealing with some things and my anxiety and stress has been not so good . Anyways I haven't been wanting sex (I just haven't been interested in it lately I don't know why) or anything lately so I talked to my boyfriend about it and then he asked me if I loved him and I said of course but after that I've had this obsessive thought that I don't love him anymore and that our relationship is going to end and I'm so terrified of losing him but again I have this thought and fear that I don't love him anymore and it almost feels like my feelings are blocked and that I don't love him but deep down I know I do but I still can't shake the feeling and the thought and I get very anxious when im around him . I've talked to my mom but it still hasn't helped . I've also talked to my boyfriend about it and he's very understanding and saids nothing will happen to us . But I still get the thought that I don't want him anymore and whenever I do I feel completely broken hearted and I just wanna cry because I don't want to lose him . I feel so lost and confused I don't know anymore am I just depressed or what is going on? I feel so lonely and upset. I don't wanna be with anyone else I can't even imagine it I just want him but I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do ..

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi there. I got a lot of help from people here when I was at my worst, so I try and give back and help when I can. You are so sad... I can tell. And, this is just my opinion and I may be insane... so take this how you will. LOL! ...but if youre sad, you MUST love him...or youre co- dependent. But, caring if you care, kinda seems to sway away from co- dependency. And, Im very familar myself, with the "not wanting sex" thing... I have had that issue before...and it actually cost me a girlfriend. My wife and I were married long enough for her to understand. Because in reality, its just some strange, human behavior that we dont understand...Because at no time did I EVER love my wife or my girlfriend any more or less, matching up with carnal desire. I AM a guy so technically, I AM chemically different...but, Im also a guy that understands love and questioning ones self... my advise; stopTHINKING about it, we all know, love is of the heart, not the head... and stop beating yourself up for questioning your love and it mattering to you enough to come here for help...and realize... you LOVE him enough TO be sad and to come here for help. smile Smile. J.J.

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  • Posted

    Hi Leah - I would explore all avenues before throwing your bf away. "Just depressed" is an oxymoron. Depression is a serious condition that can start seemingly small, over little things, and spiral into a huge black hole. Fear of contact can be one symptom of depression. Make an appointment with your doc and discuss what you are feeling. Take the bf if you want - it will help him understand too. Don't sit and wait to see what might happen - take charge and address what ails you, get back in control of your life. You will thank yourself for it.

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  • Posted

    I feel for you girl. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I've been in a tough spot for about a year now and some days are great, some days are s**t. I've been with my bf for 2.5 years and he's been pretty patient with me when I get emotional and flip moods and whatever may happen. I feel like I just don't recognize myself anymore, and that makes me not recognize him either. I look in the mirror sometimes and have no idea who I am anymore, and then I look at him and he feels like a stranger. It's also like that with a lot of people in my life though. I think it's so difficult because these people are the closest should feel the most secure, and it's terrifying when they don't. It's great that you guys are still communicating though, it helps a lot when people you love know exactly how/what you're feeling . I worry we don't communicate enough anymore. I'm pretty quiet nowadays, but I tell him how I feel if I feel strong enough...I think he just doesn't know what to say or do most of the time because he doesn't wanna make things worse for me. We've had so many fun times and I know my thoughts are just cloudy and dark, so it's hard to remember stuff like that. I'm the same as you, in the way that it would break my heart if we weren't together, but sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm bored, but then I remember I have no interest in anything. You're probably going through a phase of depression...it's not hard to feel emotionally detached sometimes. Just by reading this post and the responses I feel comforted knowing that there are other people out there struggling with the same problems...not because it makes me happy, but because it makes me feel less alone. I hope everyday it gets a little less confusing & you get more confident in your relationship again! Little steps. 

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    • Posted

      It helps me also knowing that I'm not the only one that is dealing or dealt with this . And with me I feel the same way about looking in a mirror and not recognizing my self and then looking at my boyfriend and feeling like he's a stranger. My feelings feel blocked I'm trying so hard to love him but it's like I can't but deep down I know I do ..

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  • Posted

    I am going through the same thing also. With my boyfriend over 3 years, and lost interest about a year ago. Came back a little bit in April and has been gone since.

    I have no interest what so ever.

    I suffer from Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks so these issues are not helping.

    Was also on a drug called Lyrica which is noted for loss of interest in sex but came off it two months ago and nothing has changed.

    My head is fried looking for answers, questionning every aspect of my relationship.

    I am doing a bit of councelling and mindfullness at the moment and the more you question these type of questions the worse it will be so Im trying to just concentrate on the mindfullness and loosing weight for now.

    I have gained four stone since start of relationship to now so my confidence is gone also

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  • Posted

    I feel the same, I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I just started having panic attacks this past month every time I'm with him. And it scares me and him. Just today when I saw him it felt like I couldn't recognize him and it scares me. It feels like I don't know my own boyfriend. Even though he is my boyfriend. There's nothing hes done wrong. Just my anxiety and depression seem to get worse when im with him. Therapist say I'm obsessive thinking but i feel like I can't stop these panic attacks or thoughts.

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    • Posted

      Hi Amber!

      I feel exacy like you right now and its horrible i feel im going thru hell! I kno your post is from 7months ago... can you please please please tell me what you did to cope with the situation and got out of doubts on whether its the relation or the anxiety? I get anxious whenever I see him or see his name on my phone however i love him a lot and dont want to hurt him.  We are both living together in a foreign country from ours due to him being transferred for work... i made some friends there but feels lonely plus he works a lot and he doesnt have time for us.. or when hes home he just zone out and we never have fun alone together unless we go out with other people in groups.. i started feeling very lonely, missing home, giving up everything for him and feel lonely with him. I tried to talk but he would reject intimacy and communication until i started having panick attacks and left the country to come home for a few days/weeks till im better and than will go back again  (i told him i need perspective thats why im leaving because if he lives in his world and i live in my world than whats the point in living together)...  now hes opening up communicating, doing everything for me to come back ASAP but i feel anxious by the thought of seeing him again or going back there! Yet i care for him i dont want to hurt him and i just get more anxious.. help plsss!!

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  • Posted

    i am going thru something a lot similar. i recently got really bad anxiety and it spikes everytime my boyfriend and i fight or argue. i know deep down i can not be falling out of love but its so hard to not believe it with my anxiety and i think my depression might be coming back. he is so amazing and before the anxiety started i never ever pictured myself falling out of love with him. even feel like this, all i ever want to do is be with him and being with him makes me feel great thats why this is so frustrating. i talk to him about it and he says its okay we will always be together and this isnt your fault you feel like this and he always makes me feel better. he is the only person that can make me feel better and thats why i am so lost because if i was falling out of love i wouldnt constantly want to talk and be around him.

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