Am I or aren't I?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hello all,

I'm not sure whether im suffering with depression so thought it would be best to seek advice from others who have suffered/suffering with it.

I feel tired quite regularly, my moods change constantly, and i have the attitude of 'whats the point in all this?' I mean we all end up in the same place right? Im paranoid about my breathing and how fast my chest is beating, and I only really find comfort when being with my boyfriend, as soon as I leave him i get super anxious. My dad suffers with Dementia and i work full time with Dementia patients in a home, and im maybe thinking this isnt working?

I've been debating going to councelling but i dont really like opening upto people who i dont know, hence why im doing it this way as its anonymous.

I would appreciate any help, im desperate and feel like im going insane!

Thank you in advance.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Amy,

    Welcome.

    I can't speak for everyone, but you describe some of what I feel at times.  Being emotionally compromised is exhausting.  In my mind I equate it with being an observer at times with how my mood changes, and not being able to affect it myself.  Afterwards I look back and can't believe how dark and sad I present myself, and how hopelessly I view the world.  

    As I've said to my wife before, afterwards I feel almost like I'm recovering from a hangover.  My brain is cloudly, and I'm exhausting in mind, spirit, and body.

    If you can channel your thoughts on the care you are providing, and realizing that by being there you are making a difference, does that help you at all?  Being a caregiver is hard work, but rewarding.  Is it helping you or hindering you is the big question

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    • Posted

      Yes, thats exactly how i feel, like my mind is constantly cloudy.

      I've been twitching before sleeping and jumping in my sleep which wakes me up, so i get all anxious and panic that something is happening to me. Its hard to explain how i feel aswell as frustrating. I'm not too sure what my job is, good or bad. I'm wondering if its set anxiety off for what could be to come with my dad, and he is my bestfriend. 

      I'm just so confused!

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  • Posted

    Hi Amy-lee

    I think it's normal to worry about things when you see somebody suffering you care about so yes I imagine you are quite anxious not only for yourself but for what's to come for you father.

    The panic attacks ( heart beating fast come hand in hand) with anxiety unfortunately maybe some medication would help with that.

    I'm not sure if you have derpression as it's very different for each person however another thing you may be suffering from before you label it as depression is general unhappiness you seem to be working in the care environment going home and almost working again leaving no time for yourself and your boyfriend as a couple or just to be yourself this is fine at first but eventually it becomes mundane and almost routine you start to forget who you are and what you like to do for yourself your exhausted so any time you have is spent recouping that's hard for any relationship have you considered respite carers or help with your father or if financially able maybe drop to part time or bank shifts agencies are good to as you earn more and work hours that you want to.

    When your head becomes cloudy or like a motorway of thoughts racking try to write them down maybe a spray diagram with the problems and solutions coming off them one less thought in your head to worry about you can see the answer clearly if that makes sense the more you write the clearer the head

    Hope this helps you mike

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    • Posted

      I dont think i totally understood what Dementia was all about until i went into the care home, and ive had my eyes massively opened. I have become anxious about what it could bring for my dad, and how i mentally could or would have to accept it. How selfish does that sound, me worrying about how I will handle it when my dad has no choice? I dont feel like i have time off, my mind is constantly on the go. Its awful.

      Right now, im feeling shakey, sleepy and like every part of my body is hurting, but when i try to sleep im jumping as im drifting off and waking myself up, which makes me nervous to sleep. I have no idea whats going on, im usually Happy go lucky.

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    • Posted

      I totally understand can you take some time off work maybe a week or two

      You sound like your running on empty ignorance is bliss for sure your panicking because you know the outlook and sometimes knowing that is worse than not knowing you know that right

      You need to get some rest see your gp Hun I think you need some light medication to help you relax and get some proper rest as you are living in a heightened sense of anxiety

      That's why your leg kicks out at night as your drifting it's sub-conscious thought kicking in the transition between sub conscious and unconscious thought normally is smooth but your anxiety won't let your unconscious thought take over because your body is not relaxed

      Try some herbal things muscle relaxing bath salts or bombs you know girlie stuff right look for relaxing ones before you go to bed to unwind your body

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    • Posted

      JUst remember take yours time in the bath ya know relax don't wash and out lol just lay back spend 20 mins chilling thinking of nothing at all deep slow controlled breathes and watch the difference when you go to bed let us know how you get on

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    • Posted

      Yeah id got into the bad habit of drinking to help me sleep. But now i have some Nytol and Herbal stuff to spray under my tongue. My body just feels completely tense. Its such a horrible feeling, never been so worked up.
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    • Posted

      Yeah drink although it knocks you out you don't get R.E.M. So it's not real sleep lol so your not rested lol

      Keep up with the herbal stuff try to skip the drink and have a nice long soak with candles or soft light and maybe some soft music no metal lol hahaha take one day at a time and make your gp appointment x keep us posted Amy-lee

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    • Posted

      Do you try meditation at all?  There are a number of good meditative videos on youtube that have relaxing music, guided meditations, and binaural tones. I find these helpful to take the edge of sometimes.  Stilling your mind works best with music I have found.  It's not always perfect, but it does help me.

      Otherwise anything to distance your mind from the rest of the load you are carrying.  The bath idea that Super mentions is a great idea too.

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  • Posted

    Hi amy_lee

    I also work in care. This sure can set of our anxieties and it does become

    Depressing. I work with terminal ill clients. I get anxious and think all sort

    Is wrong with me or what could become of me.

    I'm sorry your dad is so unwell but try not to compare him with those at work. Think

    Of him as an individual who you have wonderful memories with. Try to seek

    counseling it will be a great help and it's confidential once you get into it easy the

    First time can be difficulty 😁

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