Am I stupid or what?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Son invited me to visit.  Lives in TN 100 miles away through mountains.  Two hr trip.  I drive stick.  11 weeks out.  Knee not 100% straight.  Kinda scared ill regress.  Don't want to disappoint son.  We lost his brother 9 months ago.  I know he'll understand if I cancel, but afraid Illl regret not going.  Anyone?

 

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Judy, which leg had the replacement? Is renting an automatic an option? If it's only a couple hours, could your son come and get you? How much driving have you done in the past few weeks? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to think of a safe way for you to get to your sons. If you decide to drive, please take breaks where you can pull over and walk around.

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  • Posted

    I think you will regret not going. For me i,don't want to lose special time with my family, life is too short.

    I would say give yourself alot of time, pack water and snacks and even a blanket. Take lots of ling breaks and just enjoy the journey. The world is so beautiful,and would get your mind off your leg.

    Even if the journey takes you three hours instead of two.

    My best wishes to you on deciding what to do, Merry Christmas

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  • Posted

    Hello Judy,

    ?It's tough to make that kind of decision and I can see from your post that you're scared to make that commitment.  Only you can make the right decision for yourself and like the other ladies have said, if you decide to go, take it slow and lots of breaks.  Stop for a nice lunch along the way.  If you decide not to, your son will understand.

    ?Wishing you a very happy holiday season.

    Denise

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  • Posted

    That is a big undertaking especially with a stick shift. With all of the forest fire cleanup and that additional traffic I can just imagine the difficulty and time required with little time to get out an stretch.. I understand what you ate going through mentally. Last year our son was getting married in CA. I was on a walker with nothing but a spacer in knee as I was getting over a staph infect*n and was waiting for the new prosthesis. Finally had to make a decision to stay home and never looked back. It was difficult but best for everyone.
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  • Posted

    It's 2 months since I had TKR on my left leg. Driving is not a problem as I have automatic transmission but as I am still relying on strong painkillers I would deem it irresponsible to drive any distance. However, arrangements have been made for me to travel over 200 miles via M ways to spend New Year with my sister. I will not be driving, instead she is going to drive for me.

    As your son is only 2 hours away I suggest he picks you up and drives so you can relax and enjoy the drive and his company. Happy Christmas 🎄

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  • Posted

    Judy, I remember all too well driving with a stick shift on mountain roads.  And if you are in Tennesee, You will not only have holiday traffic to slow you up, but those mountain roads to start and stop, and start and stop, going up hill.  Why not try a drive around your home area for a half hour or so and see if you can handle all the starts and stops. You cannot take pain meds on the trip you want to do, so don't take any on your trial trip at home. I hope this is not your left leg that you had the surgery on.  This trial test at home maybe should tell you if you can make the trip (minus the mountains of course)

    ?Safety first.  Sons love their mothers forever.  He will find a way to help you.

    ?Merry Chistmas and with a sincere hope that your recovery will be smooth land and all  that you hoped it would be.

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  • Posted

    I know how you feel. We live in New Zealand in the North Island. I am 3 1/2 months out from TKR. Our son is in a small town called Kaikoura in the South Island which has recently suffered alot of damage in an earthquake. He lives alone as his wife left 6 months ago. His home has alot of damage but is deemed liveable untill such time as the insurance assesors make the call to rebuild or repair. We had booked a trip to visit prior to the quake and decided we would go ahead to offer him moral support and help on his property. Oh and to deliver the Christmas Cake !!  We normally drive 5 hours to the ferry then have a 3 hour ferry trip followed by another 2 hour drive. As the roads are very damaged the last 2 hour drive is now nearly 2 days which I was not keen on so we hired a small plane and flew the last step of the journey - hairraising trip over mountains which have been very scared by the sciesmic activity but we did get a great view of the situation. Our son greeted us very emotionally at the small airport - there is nothing quite like that smile Anyway we spent 4 days with him the weather was beautiful and Dad weed trimmed all the boundary fences and we both shared the lawn mowing. I made nice lunches and dinners which we ate out in the gardens during the day or by the fire pit under the stars in the evening with the odd wine or two. To get home we reversed the details. I am lucky I only had to drive an hour or two when husband had a migraine BUT being in the car brought me to tears at one stage. I tried to break up the trip but husband is an impatient driver and likes to get to the destination.

    Anyway despite feeling I had regressed due to the new demands on the knee 5 days at home and all is back to normal in that regard. Our son however is so very happy he had the support and love of his Mum and Dad that to me it was all very well worth the journey. I guess you have to balance it up ??  One thing I did miss was my stationary bike as that is magic for me when the knee is tight and stiff and sore.

    All the best.

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    • Posted

      What a really nice story!  I felt like I was there with you and even felt your husbands's impatience and migraine! But you got there and created more family memories to cherish.  I think you probably did set your recovery back a few days with the driving, but as you said, life is balancing things.....you lose here and gain there, etc.

      ?We hope Judy makes the decision that is right for her.

      ?Best wishes for 2017!

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  • Posted

    Pick up the phone and let your son know of your concerns. Can he come pick you up and take you back home??? If not, have a nice long talk with each other and pick another time to visit. Your health comes first and formost. This is a bear of a surgery and takes a long time to recover. You don't want any more set backs than are necessary. And even at 11 weeks, there will be setbacks and progress, you'll think you're not moving fast enough BUT this recovery takes a LOT OF PATIENCE!!!

    Or how about renting an automatic??  Another thought, can a friend drive you to your sons and have them come get you at the end of your visit, or have your son drive you home??  Remember it is NOT a good idea to take pain killers and drive.

    I was driving at 11 weeks after having my left knee replaced. Not a lot of fun as your leg tends to get stiff even with taking breaks along the way.  Sorry for the loss of your other son, loosing a child, no matter the age is very hard. Hope things work out for you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Judy,

    I hear what you're saying.  You want to go for your son, but you know you're not up for it. The trip would be too hard for you and you know it but you don't want to disappoint your son.  It's hard to know if you'd regress but it will be way too hard for you which will take time to be comfortable again which may well mean that you can't give your all when you're there.  I know you want to give to your son, but really, you'll be way more able in a few months.  I feel that you really need to nurture yourself right now and in a few months your body will be way stronger.  It's ok to say no. It's really ok to acnowledge your own pain. Right now you need to give to yourself then soon enough you'll be able to give more to your son.  All the best. XO

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  • Posted

    To answer your initial question - of course you're not stupid! XO

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