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I have come here because i'm not sure if i should go to my gp or not and i'm hoping that someone can shed some light.
I am feeling very low and self concious at the moment and was made redundant from my first job in december after giving everything i had to that job! (i'm 19) I got another job shortly after but left as I felt too young for the job, wasn't given much training and i felt lost and didn't know what i was doing. Since then i have been unemployed. Most of my friends are at uni and so i don't get out much and even going to the shop i feel like people are looking at me and i'm constantly paranoid that someone will talk to me or say something to me and i won't know how to react. I feel fine to leave the house with other people but on my own i feel so nervous. I have also started to ignore texts from friends and ex colleagues as i'm simply too worried of saying the wrong thing. I haven't always been like this; when i was 14/15 i was VERY outgoing and had lots of friends despite going through hard times with my family.
I live with my dad and i have a boyfriend that comes round most nights after work and on the weekend. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to control my temper and mostly my temper towards them. Sometimes i just look at my dad and feel consumed with hatred and i am vile towards him. This may have something to do with the fact my family life has been very disrupted with my mum leaving when i was 15 due to my mum and dad's relationship break down. Not only this but i find myself having arguments with my boyfriend a lot and at the time i think i'm completely rational and then later i'll feel guilty and stupid.
My mother left when i was 15 and always had a drinking problem and i have looked after myself since around the age of 10. when i was 11, i had an eating disorder. I wasn't diagnosed but i know i had one as i was not eating, throwing food away, exercising excessively, lost my period and my sister also had bulimia at the time. My mum has always made us aware that she also suffered from eating disorders. I went through this eating disorder up until the age of about 15 without telling anyone and i only started getting better when i met my boyfriend who i am still with. when my mother left she informed my school of my family situation and they offered me counselling. I thought they were ridiculous and i've always had the attitude to deal with things on my own so i declined. i regret this now.
This is a bit of a ramble but basically since i was 11 i always find myself googling depression symptoms every few months as i get sad about the way my life has been so far and i constantly feel like my luck hasn't come around yet. I'm still not sure if i should go to my gp. I should also add that my mum suffers from depression and her mother was a schizophrenic and unfortunately killed herself.
Sorry if this is a bit difficult to interpret, it's very difficult to explain how i feel and the reasons i feel the way i do but my ultimate question is do you think i need to go to my gp or is this just sadness i can deal with on my own.
I appreciate ant feedback. Thank you.
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