Posted , 7 users are following.
I dont know if maybe this will help anyone else so I'm going to share. I had a lot going on around the time I contracted mono. The last week of October into the first week of november I caught a severe case of hand foot mouth disease. I suspect I caught mono at the same time since my immune system was down and they are similar viruses, my acute mono symptoms began around 4 or 5 weeks after the hand foot mouth. Around this same time 4 of my fingernails got white lines in them and began peeling off which can happen after hand foot mouth and some other viruses. My mono began the last few days of November with a very weird sore throat, it was like a sharp pain only on the left side and that tonsil looked weird and swollen. I felt kind of tired and weird. I went to urgent care they did a strep swab and it was negative. A few days later I had what I thought was a virus for 2 days..high fever, chills, my body hurt, I was nauseas and my throat still hurt even after those 2 days passed. Then my eyelids swelled up. I went to urgent care again and all they did was another strep swab that was negative again. We moved to a new house dec 10th and I just remember how tired I felt, my body hurt, my eyes were swollen, I had a headache....the next day I wake up with the full blown flu and was bedridden for 4 full days sicker than I've ever been. After I recovered from that, my throat still hurt on the left side, that sharp pain, felt like I was swallowing a knife it had gotten so bad so a few days before Christmas I waited til I'd put my twins to bed and my husband was home and I went to the ER. This time a strep test came back positive (I had no idea that it's very common to get strep with mono.) I got a 8 days of amoxicillin and the kind of burning sore throat feeling went away but still I was left with that sharp pain on one side. I'd lost a good amount of weight between October and Christmas at this point from the hand foot mouth disease followed by this never ending throat pain and the flu. I went back to the same ER in the first week of January and by now I am an anxious mess because I cant understand how I could have this severe of a throat pain for so long. My fever was 99 both times at the er and I'd been super tired and run down and felt mildly feverish those few weeks on and off. He prescribed more antibiotics and i was starting to have side effects from them and decided no I'm not taking these I know this isnt strep. Monday I decide to go to the urgent care that had very promptly diagnosed my hand foot mouth disease months earlier. By this point my anxiety had crept up to insane levels. I am anxious and have health anxiety to begin with and being so sick for so long with no answers was taking its toll on my fragile mental health. This week I'd had 2 night of drenching night sweats. I'm not sure if it was the mono, anxiety, or I read it was also a side effect of the antibiotics I had taken. Night sweats are a huge trigger of anxiety for me bc I had them when I was 20 really bad and didnt know I was having nocturnal panic attacks, convinced myself I had a deadly disease. It was a bad time. And it did the same thing this time. This was the icing on the cake. So I'm at this urgent care in tears telling this dr everything that's gone on, that I googled s**t and was convinced I had throat cancer or lymphoma. He says let's take blood and do a mono test. He came back in 30 seconds later and said my monospot was instantly positive and he said I had very classic symptoms of mono and to expect to feel unwell for at least another month. He did a full blood panel as well and called 5 days later to tell me that good news, besides having mono (which blood showed was out of the acute phase but had not entered recovery phase yet) my liver and spleen enzymes were perfect and my white blood cell count was perfect and I was lucky that despite some sy symptoms I had a milder case of mono. You'd think this would be enough to calm me but no. My nervous system had literally lost control at this point. I was googling so much stuff convinced they got it wrong and I had lymphoma. I had TWO thermometers and for 4 days I took my temp obsessively, convinced I'd be having fevers. I was having mini panic attacks all day. I was waking up startled, sweating and having awful nightmares almost every hour all night every single night which was fueling my panic. I felt sick to my stomach with worry and couldnt eat and kept losing more weight thru January and everyone telling me how skinny I looked was adding to my panic that i had cancer. I was keeping it all in and finally broke down crying to my husband and my mom ..I was exhausted from not sleeping, my stomach was a mess if I did eat I'd have to run to the restroom. I had begun to have anxiety just looking at my bed from waking up in sweaty panic every single night, multiple times so now I dreaded bed time. I knew I was having anxiety but I also had this dark sad feelingI couldnt tell if it was depression or what, I didnt laugh, I felt very disconnected from my twins and my husband, but not as deep as depression but just emotionally flat. My mom said you need to call a therapist now. I found one but had to wait another week and a half to see her. During this week and a half I started using a cbd/hemp oil and melatonin for sleep. It helped a bit, I was slightly calmer and only waking up in a hot sweaty anxious state once a night. Yesterday was my first session and I was shocked when the therapist said what I went thru with being so sick and the length of time to be diagnosed and all the worry and panic I went thru, is considered TRAUMA and I am suffering from what they call an acute post traumatic stress response which can lead to full blown PTSD and she thinks I was headed for a nervous breakdown! I told her I did feel like I had gone thru trauma but I didn't dare say it bc it sounded silly to me. Surely trauma has to be more severe but she said trauma is personal and to someone with anxiety and health anxiety, this WAS my definition of trauma. I was so relieved I cried right then and there. She said pardon my language but you basically got mind fd by these doctors telling you wow you're very sick but we don't know what's wrong, and it was just a mental and emotional downward spiral. Last night I was able to eat and enjoy dinner. I fell asleep quickly. I didn't wake up for many hours and when I did I wasnt sweaty and I wasnt in a panic. Just knowing what was going on instantly helped me. I am going to do weekly therapy for at least 4 months to fully get over this hopefully. I know this was long and I hope if anyone is experiencing similar issues, maybe the trauma of this illness has done the same to you and it could help you heal. Everyone on here has been an amazing source of support and encouragement and I am glad I found this community thru all my googling which I am now staying off google!!
0 likes, 14 replies