Anal Fissure hell!

I guess mine started in May 2009 when I was really worried witht he pain and blood when having a BM and then the uncomfortable feeling all the time. After weeks, I went to the doc who told me I had piles and gave me suppositories. For the next 9 months, this came and went and everytime it came I forced those tiny things that feel like huge torpedoes into my rear end.

In March 2010 it became unbearable, I'd had the pain and bleeding nearly every day for 4 months and these torpedoes just werent doing anything for me. I visited the walk in centre and the guy tried to pop his finger in - pain was unbearable. He said I had an abcess and referred me to the surgical unit at the BRI. this was at 9.30 am

I went straight to the surgical unit and was told to sit down - not a great start as the finger hadn't helped the pain!!! I waited until 11 am when the nurse came and took some blood and done some tests and measurements. At midday, I was called to see the doctor - by this time I'd had more than enough of this 4m by 1.5 m room. He prescribed some painkillers and agreed it was an abcess and things were underway to admit me providing the senior doctor agreed after I'd seen him - back to the little room at 12.10.

At 4.20 the nurse came and gave me a shot of oral morpheine and some paracetamol which was prescribed at midday. at 5pm, I saw the senior doctor who didnt even probe but just looked and said anal fissure! I then had to wait in the room again for my prescription. The nurse came again at 5.15 and gave me some more pills. By this time I was floating! The presctiption came and I was let go, alone, high as can be at 6pm with a note that an appointment would be made in 8 weeks to review me at the colorectal clinic. The fire alarm went as I was leaving and I vaguely remember a fireman trying to hurry me down the stairs as I was floating down them.

I got outside to find my partner waiting and he couldnt get in due to the fire alarms. We went to get the prescription of a cream and were delayed while the chemist phoned the hospital as they hadn't put the amounts on there.

Anyway, I had to take time off work, about 2 months and when I did go back, it was part time in June as I couldn't cope with sitting at my desk for 8 hours a day. 4 was about right but even that was too much at times. The pain continued. The doctor put me on Tramadol and paracetamol to control it. Thedoc wrote a letter to the colorectal clinic as I hadn't an appointment and they slotted me in in early May. He then changed the cream to diltiazem and said that they wouldn't conisder anything until I'd been using this cream for at least 13 weeks.

My next appointment came through in early July and I was doing quite well, things had eased off. The colorectal guy said that we'd leave it another 2 months and that I had to see him in early September. If things hadnt fully cleared up then it woudl be botox.

In mid August, things took a turn for the worse and I was ill again and unable to cope with even 4 hours at work. To make it worse, my September appointment came through from colorectal for the 30th November! I cried!!! I was holding out for this visit at the beginning of September. I went to the doctor, she gave me naproxyn and morpheine to suppletment the tramadol and paracetamol and wrote a letter to the hospital and bingo! I received another appointment for mid September - with a different surgeon.

I had a 5 minute consultation and he said enough is enough, botox it is.

I had my botox surgery on September 26th. No messing around! It was awful, the NHS do not concern themselves with your feelings do they?!? I received a letter on the Saturday before my Monday surgery to say that my appointment had been cancelled - I was seething. I decided that I would turn up anyway and pretend I hadn't received the letter. I took the pills they requested, had nothing to eat after 7am and nothing to drink after 10.am and went to the hospital at 12. They checked me in and I waited for an hour before the nurse came to me and said the appointment had been cancelled. I argued a bit with her. They say they never call people no matter how close the appointment is. She went away and spoke to the surgeon who then called me into a room and apologised to me and said he would fit me in that afternoon.

I waited 2 more hours and then I was called to get changed into the fashionable robe with my dressing gown and some lovely thigh high white tight stockings! and then told to go back and sit in the waiting room! How embarrassing! The nurse brought me some pain relief at 3.30 and then I was walked to the operating theatre at 4pm. There was no trolley for me to lie on so I had to sit and wait while they cleaned the tools from the last person!.

I woke up in the corridor outside with a drip on. They gave me pain relief and then I was taken to a ward where I brought a cup of tea and a biscuit - which I'm not eating after they've had their hands all over! I hate venflons, they make me nervous but they wouldn't take it out until I was ready to leave. I'm always scard I'll pull it out and there'll be blood everywhere! I had to go to the toilet to wee before they would let me get dressed and go....needless to say, I went straight away! They gave me some lactalose to keep things soft and told me I would get an apppoinment to return in 6 weeks for a review.

They had given me botox injections and scraped some of the tissue away from where it had been healing and splitting. The pain was incredible. I couldn't get comfortable. They said it would be like that for a couple of weeks after which it would settle down. Not a chance. After 4 weeks of intense pain and bleeding, I visited the doctor who was concerned that I still hadn't had my 6 week appointment through and wrote to them again.

My appointment came through and I went to see the specialist again on 9 November. He said that the botox hadn't worked - no shit - and that the only option is a lateral sphincterotomy. I'm aware of the risks and have read up on this. I agreed, there's nothing I want more right now than to get rid of this pain. He said it would happen before Christmas - fantastic!

Christmas came and went -no appointment. The doctor did write another letter as things got worse with the blood, not helped by the fact that work are not so tolerant anymore and want me back to full time of they're going to pay me only part time - fair enough - but if I was off sick, I would get full time money - hmmmmmmm where's the incentive for making an effort. The doctor made a mistake in meds before Xmas, I got 100mg morpheine instead of 10mg morpheine. I pretty much lost a week! When I realised and came off them over the Christmas, I spent 3 days with cold sweats!

Now I'm still waiting and apparently, it could be May before I get the appointment. It's not a good feeling to think that you still have months of this to go. I'm at work and have to be full time by the end of January. I'll see how it goes, I struggled with four hours but being at work is preferable to beign stuck at home. I'm doing between 5-6 hours now which is killing me. Next week I have to increase to 8 hours....we'll see how it goes.

A chronic anal fissure is a problem which does affect your daily life. It's not pleasant and I've found that no matter how much pain medication you take, on a bad day, you'll still feel it. I will have the operation and hopefully that will be an end of it. I'm sure I'm a druggie now and totally addicted to tramadol and morpheine but will deal with that when I no longer need them to control the pain. I think the NHS really need to rethink the way they treat this as keeping people in pain for years in the hope that it will treat itself is not a humane way to approach this. I dare say there are cases where the treatments have worked without the need for surgery and I really wish I was one of those cases.

Well, I've rambled far too long now. Just remember that this condition is not likely to kill you so you're far better off than some people and don't let it get you down, you really have to stay on top of this. I now try to carry out my life as normal and ignore the pain. I don't think it helps the condition but I'm not putting my life on hold anymore.

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