Anger.
Posted , 6 users are following.
I've also posted this on the depression forum but I felt that this applies to this forum too.
So tomorrow will be the beginning of week 3 of Sertraline, 50g for depression and anxiety for me.
I've been doing really well up to now, this evening. I'm so so so so angry. I just want to scream and punch and break everything.
What's the point in being alive when everybody is practically dead? Where's all the colour gone in the world??
Wake up. Go to work/college. Come home. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. I know I'm only 20 and I'm still young but sometimes I actually feel like I'm not going to live into an old age and I need to hop to living life.
My Photography has gone nowhere recently. I'm still in education. I don't know if it would be better to stay in full time education and part time work or just go full time work. I still haven't left England. Heck I still don't even have ID.
The flat is always a mess because there's no room for everything to go. Messy environment - messy mind. I'm driving myself insane lol!
Sick of the big bods earning so much they can throw it in their open fires when there's so many people struggling.
Sick of one rule for one and another for others.
Sick of humans being so cruel and greedy.
All I want to do is experience life and live a good one yet all I'm doing it working for money to buy shit processed food that doesn't even make you feel half full and plodding along.
I feel like I'm going to try to kill myself. If not any time soon, then within the next year if I can't escape this life and town.
Is this just me/the depression? Or is it something to do with the meds?
I've had slight anger problems in the past, and tried to kill myself in the past but I haven't been this angry in a very long time.
1 like, 6 replies
Guest
Posted
kaytii67890
Posted
K x
rob74885
Posted
kaytii67890
Posted
It was a pity as I thought I was doing really well.
Thank you x
Minigoo
Posted
I feel pretty much the same, had a couple of really good days and now feel like i have flopped again. Going to look at some therapy, i hear sertraline and therapy go hand in hand. Maybe you could ask your GP to refer you.
I have had it in the past and it does help just to release some of your thoughts onto somebody you don't know and can't judge you.
Hope you feel better soon x
Kimble
Posted
You do need to get back to the doctor and tell them how you feel, don't hold anything back. Sertraline has been associated with suicidal thoughts especially with young people, its probably not right for you,
a doctor would or should prescribe a low dose of 20mg Citalapram to start with and on a short term
basis.
I see you are studying and working, it can be hard juggling both - but like most people 'needs must'.
Reading your blog is like reading my life story 8 yrs ago.
I was so fed up with having no money, studying and working to keep myself afloat and I didn't realise
I was I was suffering from stress.
My advice is this and its only advice. Firstly think or write down why you are studying, what are you
working towards, your goals etc. ok, now how many hours work do you do, can you drop a few hours a
week? to concentrate more on you and your studies.
If not go to student services/tutor and discuss with them the problems you are having - ask if there is any
financial help you can apply for through college/university. I am sure your tutor will be very sympathetic
and will understand the pressure you are under and may also put you in touch with other staff who maybe able to give you support.
I dropped my Art course in after completing my second year at uni and have regretted it, however I am
now teaching, which was my goal, it just took longer and more work whilst juggling a child and work.
I was put on -
antidepressants after having my first child, it wasn't monitored properly through the doctors and I was
allowed to continue to take them for 10yrs!! when really I probably should have only been taking them for
6 mths to get me through a difficult time ( premature baby, traumatic birth, major operation, lack of sleep and having to return to full time work after 4mths - )
What I am trying to say is that doctors are famous for just doling out antidepressants without getting to
the route of the cause. You could just be suffering from stress, ( which ironically is what I was told a year ago by a certified counselor, that I was suffering from originally NOT depression)
I can see your going through a hard time at the moment and life is difficult, but it wont always be like that, believe me. You've just got yourself in a rut and yes there are big cats out there with loads of money, and yeah there are people out there who are cruel and greedy, but unfortunately that is the way of the world.
Just concentrate on what you want out of life and don't dwell on things you cannot change, its because
your feeling low that these things are heightened. When you feel angry or low, get out for a walk, do some exercise (great for serotonin levels - feel good chemicals in the brain) put some up beat music on
and dance around the flat, clear some of your clutter - get some card board boxes and cover them in
some colourful wallpaper (cheap storage for students lol!) - it will make you feel better! talk to someone
you can trust and tell them you need to have a good rant, let off some steam.
I hope this helps, from someone who has been there and got many T-shirts - in fact I still collect them
at times. Try to be positive and just one other thing, if you can stay clear of the medication do so, because they are hard to come off and in my opinion addictive. Try the herbal remedy St. John's Wort
(NOT to be taken with antidepressants !!) can get them in most supermarkets - I wish I had taken this
route. Of course if you still feel bad or get into a black fog as I call it, go talk to your doctor again and
see if you can have Cognitive Counselling.
I wish you luck and good health. And DONT give in.
Bye for now
Kim