Anger

I know nothing about you so you have asked a question I couldn't properly answer. Anger at what, or who?And why? Guilt? Feelings of responsibility? Anthting else would help to understand.

Hello John729 (are there that many Johns on here? lol)

In answer to your questions, mostly guilt, feeling of failure, and letting people down, not litrally, but in getting ill and not functioning like I should, and not being happy with who and what I am.

I know all part and parcel of the illness!

The anger has lessened, and I'm giving in to the, so what, give yourself time, a little bit.............

I just want the fun, capable, happy me back, the me that says 'this is me, and if you don't like it thats your choice' the me that gets on and works hard, and does what needs to be done, with a little extra that is always a bonus, the me that finds a little bit, if not a lot of good in others, instead of thinking they all hate me and are just out to use me.

Opps, ranted, selfishly, a bit too much,

Hey, but it was good to get a reply from you

M :oops:

Hello again. I used 729 because I was sure there wouldn't be 729 Johns around! Also, it actually means something and I can remember it.

I can sympathise with feelings of guilt, failure and not being how you would like to be. However, some time ago I took some decisions.......

I would only feel guilty about things I had control over and where I might have done something knowing the outcome would not be good. Otherwise, I would just accept what might have happened and go on with life.

There would be no such thing as failure. Everything would be something to learn from and to show me how to succeed in future.

I would not get concerned about what other people thought of me. If they only liked me when I behaved as they wanted then they probably weren't good for me anyway.

I would not allow anger to colour my judgement.

I'm absolutely certain it was C that eventually allowed me to do this.

It can't be selfish to say what you're feeling when you're in the grip of depression. It can only help to open up. It's definitely not ranting.

Best wishes

Hi again, and very good advise.

It is exactly what or how I am, when I was well..........

Occupational health have at last contacted me, and have advised that I start my phased return to work after my summer hols! they start next week.... managers not too impressed :roll:

My GP changed my meds to venlafaxine yesterday as we both agreed the cit was not really working, and as I still get considerable nausea he did not want to just increase the dose. So will just have to see how the ven goes. Not very well timed as I am going away for 3 weeks, arranged months ago. Think I'll take both the ven and cit with me, just incase!!!

Though have taken my first ven this morning, and hey no nausea so far, where as on the cit would be feeling sick and somedays retching by now.

Hopefully the ven will also increase my motivation, as, with the cit, I seem to be a couch potatoe with no energy.

Thanks again for your advise, and for replying

Much appreciated M :wink:

Mushroom whenever I read your messages, it all seems so familiar to me - this is my 10th day of Cit and am feeling rubbish having a bad day, feel nauseous after taking cit then the anxiety starts (not as bad as I was before taking meds, & hoping its a side effect!) noticed I'm clenching my teeth and fists a lot more - worried I'm becoming a couch potato too!! Struggle to get out in the morning have to force myself to go for a walk I always have to sleep in the afternoon usually for 2 hours then the rest of the day in front of the TV unless someone is willing to drag me out, no motivation whatsoever, and like you am really pissed with myself for being like this - normally a very capable, confident sociable and outgoing person, I feel a failure, I want to go back to work as I feel like I'm letting people down too - I've always worked hard and feel a valued team member at work - feel its a lonely world sometimes!

Desperate to get better!! :cry:

Wishing you well x

Mushroom whenever I read your messages, it all seems so familiar to me - this is my 10th day of Cit and am feeling rubbish having a bad day, feel nauseous after taking cit then the anxiety starts (not as bad as I was before taking meds, & hoping its a side effect!) noticed I'm clenching my teeth and fists a lot more - worried I'm becoming a couch potato too!! Struggle to get out in the morning have to force myself to go for a walk I always have to sleep in the afternoon usually for 2 hours then the rest of the day in front of the TV unless someone is willing to drag me out, no motivation whatsoever, and like you am really pissed with myself for being like this - normally a very capable, confident sociable and outgoing person, I feel a failure, I want to go back to work as I feel like I'm letting people down too - I've always worked hard and feel a valued team member at work - feel its a lonely world sometimes!

Desperate to get better!! :cry:

Wishing you well x

Mushroom whenever I read your messages, it all seems so familiar to me - this is my 10th day of Cit and am feeling rubbish having a bad day, feel nauseous after taking cit then the anxiety starts (not as bad as I was before taking meds, & hoping its a side effect!) noticed I'm clenching my teeth and fists a lot more - worried I'm becoming a couch potato too!! Struggle to get out in the morning have to force myself to go for a walk I always have to sleep in the afternoon usually for 2 hours then the rest of the day in front of the TV unless someone is willing to drag me out, no motivation whatsoever, and like you am really pissed with myself for being like this - normally a very capable, confident sociable and outgoing person, I feel a failure, I want to go back to work as I feel like I'm letting people down too - I've always worked hard and feel a valued team member at work - feel its a lonely world sometimes!

Desperate to get better!! :cry:

Wishing you well x

Hi Tereza,

Sorry to hear its not too good for you, I would advise you to stick at it, but keep your Dr upto date, mines been a great help.

As for the teeth clenching, I had a mild form, which was a bit of a bonus coz it ment I now sleep with my mouth shut and don't snore :!: lol

Haven't had fist clenching.

Its only the first day for me without the cit, but defo feel more awake, have not had the mid afternoon struggle to keep my eyes open, and hopeful of a better nights sleep, having not had a nap.

Still not sure if the sudden change of meds will cause probs or not, but so far so good and such a relief to not have the nausea. I did have a few hours of a sort of anxiety, but it was more fidgety as opposed to fear.... very odd.

And I so understand your desperation to get better, give it time and don't beat yourself up, switch off that inner bully, I know easier said than done.

Take care and wish you well

M :wink: X