Anger

Posted , 14 users are following.

I am overwhelmed. I am finding myself getting so angry at my husband over things that I would have let go years ago. The rage comes out of nowhere. I feel physically drained afterward - actually sick.

I actually feel as if I am like a pressure cooker. My chest gets tight. I wish I could just break down and cry and release the toxicity but it comes out as rage.

I now see why so many marriages and relationships come to an end at this time of life. I feel as if it would be easier and healthier to be alone. I feel badly saying that because he's not a bad person. It's just that I've allowed behaviors to pass over the years that now I can't tolerate. It's my fault. The nurturing side of me is gone. Little things aggravate me now and larger issues make me boil over.

I just started bio hrt about 3 weeks ago and I am hoping it makes a difference and evens me out.

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi, i totally understand i am totally going thru the same feelings alot but they come and go like waves but last for days then disappear and come back again. I still have my period but im all over the place with emotions and anger and i have a hard time crying dont know why but it makes it worst then i feel like i will explode into a million pieces its an awful feeling. Right now im so uptight i want to cry but wont let myself and it just brews its exhausting i feel crazy, i hate it. Sometime i cant sit still from the hyper anxiety feeling its so uncomfortable. i dont think the nurturing side of you is gone i just think your hormones make it hard to tolerate things you were able to before. i have two kids 6 and 13 and i am 49 and at times i have no patience feel like i hate everything and everyone lol, tired then not bloated then not, i feel fat like a pig lol and i get upset at myself like whats wrong with you. It sucks!! You are not alone!!!

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  • Posted

    Yes!!! I feel like I raised my kids, so now I want someone for me!! I don't feel the need to nurture him and I feel like he should just know this stuff that I'm angry about and be caring. It is what it is and I do understand why divorce is around this age. I still have periods and do my best not to be in 'rage mode' at this time. He's good about it, but still at times I do feel guilty.

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  • Posted

    Hiya Kim

    I'm sure bio will start to help balance things, I've been on it since last year and it does help you to feel less up and down. It can take a while to work though so you may have to be patient. Things that helped while I was waiting for it to kick in : walking, running, yoga, meditation, kalms day and night and different rescue remedies. I hope you get to feel better soon, but may be worth trying some other things while you're waiting xxx

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  • Posted

    oh yes, I know this well. Before all my severe physical symptoms hit, uncontrollable anger should have been one of my first clues that something was going on. I'd get so angry at my husband, I'd scream and get myself so worked up that I'd be dry heaving in the toilet. I think this helped me get gastritis. One day i was in my closet throwing my suitcases out the door screaming that i was leaving. All over something pretty benign.

    It must be from being estrogen dominant. After all, progesterone is the calming hormone, boy did I need that.

    I don't get that rage two years later, still get some normal PMS that will cause fights with my spouse, and it's hard to keep track when it hits because my cycles are so erratic, but overall we are ok now and I'm grateful he stuck with me thru all the worse of times.

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  • Posted

    The rage is REAL. I find myself obsessing over things just getting more and more angry. It comes out of nowhere and is totally over the top and ridiculous. I cringe looking back not realizing I was in perimenopause all these years.

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  • Posted

    Wow. All of you ladies have just described what I am going through; how I've been feeling. I have said it before; but this site is a life saver; it let's you know that you are not alone. I was just saying to my friend on Monday; ' I am not surprised by how many divorces there are at our age' . I do love my husband ; but just recently everything he does or doesn't do, annoys me. I agree Kelly. I feel my husband should understand and be more supportive; at times I can feel my blood pressure raise when he does or says the wrong thing... The thing is, he hasn't changed, I have! Kim I also read with interest the statement ' I feel like my nurturing side has gone' yes I feel this way. I feel overwhelmed; that I want to scream; that I want to be alone that I don't want to mother him any more. I want to be the one that is taken care of.... Although to be honest 'that would probably annoy me too at this stage in my life . lol x thank you ladies for being here. it is just good to rant and let off some steam with others that 'get it'

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  • Posted

    my friend was like that - nearly ended in divorce, but she started on hrt patches and she is much calmer and happier and her relationship with her hubby is good again.

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  • Posted

    It is so nice to hear that I'm not the only one going through this. It's just so odd for me to have these intense feelings.

    I've never had a temper like this. I do see a therapist from time to time when I need to sort out some life issues. I discussed this with her and I said that I know my hormones are playing a role in it. She reminded me however that there is validity to what I am feeling and to not ignore the feelings as heightened as they may be. She asked me what is it that I am feeling when this anger arises and when I think long and hard about it - usually it revolves around me not feeling valued or appreciated. In the old days, I would sweep it under the rug and continue on. I find I just can't sweep my emotions away any longer.

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    • Posted

      hi kim

      i used to be able to sweep all emotions under rug too but now i cant o try to pussh it away bur it just lingers and i dont know what to do with it!! i went to endocronolgist today and she saud inhabe to got to my gynecologist to check me before going on hormones. Now i eill day i went to this woman from bodylogic its online she is a gyno but she deals with hormonal issues with woman it was all out of pocket very expensive never examined me just did blood work and cortisol test she told menmy cortisol was high in morning that i was estrogen dominant low in dhea blood sugar wasnt great had inflamation markers in heart and so on well she put me on biodentical progesterone i was only on it 3 months cause i had to go back to her but she was so expensive and didnt take insurance so i stopped. point is i went to endo today and she told me afyer looking at the old blood work from summer that all the things this other wonen told me was wrong that it all was normal except of course estrogen level!!!

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    • Posted

      hi christina - i think you & i have similar stories...i have been post menopausal now for 7 years, my symptoms really ramped up about 3 years ago - i attribute that late experience of symptoms to the fact that, prior to that, i was caring for my elderly parents & simply couldnt focus on anything else but them & or, perhaps my hormones hadnt really tanked yet. in any event, once i started to feel like crap, i kept asking my female GP to test my hormones & her reply was always the same "You have no hormones...you are past menopause". That response made me seek out a naturopath who had me do loads of testing (all out-of-pocket & expensive) this was the result:

      high cortisol level

      very low hormones, but balanced

      inflammation CRP SCORE elevated

      calcium score in arteries 0

      elevated blood sugar 117

      DHA saliva test not so good

      Extended thyroid test - perfect

      So i bought loads of supplements from her went on herbal hormones & still felt like dog doo

      i have since gone to another naturopath who than focused on my digestion - i have overgrowth of yeast & compromised good bacteria & i am on the acidic side - more supplements - more $$$$

      i have been told by conventional drs that i am too old for HRT, naturopaths will gladly put me on BHRT, but this is all out of pocket & is very costly so i guess what i am trying to say here is that it is very unfortunate that we as woman have to try & figure this menopause nightmare on our own - i am now left with more supplements than i care to overload my body with, worrying about my creeping blood sugar & inflammation levels...anxiety constantly thru the roof etc. i just am trying desperately to calm my aching body & mind - its really crazy that we have to go thru this in this day & age - i feel like the medical community just blows us off like the rest of society - just thought i'd rant a bit - good luck to all -

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  • Posted

    The Menopause Makes You Angry

    The menopause affects different women in different ways. Some lucky ladies sail through it without even a shadow of a mood swing. Others suffer the entire A-Z of the NHS ‘Menopausal Symptoms’ [1] list. Most of us, however, get a kind of pick’n’mix of various symptoms, which may come and go as the change progresses. Of these, among the hardest symptom to deal with can be increased irritability and anger.

    Fluctuating Serotonin

    It is entirely natural for a menopausal woman to experience surges in anger and irritability. During the menopause, your hormone levels fluctuate. This in turn affects your mood and central nervous system. Many of the affected hormones help to regulate the body’s serotonin levels. Serotonin is described by Bristol University as a “wonder drug” [2], which plays an important role in controlling our circadian rhythms, our muscle contractions, and our cardiovascular functioning. Crucially for our purposes, it also has a major influence on our moods and behaviour. The NHS uses ‘SSRIs’ (‘Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors’) [3], which increase the levels of serotonin in the brain, to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and a variety of other problems. Low or fluctuating serotonin levels is well known to cause bad moods – which all too easily for the menopausal woman translates into snappish and irritable behaviour.

    Estrogen And Anxiety

    Estrogen also has a big part to play in female moods. As our estrogen levels fall, so our anxiety rises. Depending upon how one manages anxiety, this can translate to stress-related irritability. Don’t worry – your body will ultimately adjust to the new state of affairs and you’ll feel just fine again. In fact, according to The Independent, you may even feel better, “due to the levelling out of those frightful fluctuating hormones” [4]. In the meantime, however, there are drugs available which can help to take the edge of estrogen (or lack thereof) - induced anxiety and stress. This is just as well – because being periodically angry for very little reason is not fun at all.

    The Trouble With Anger

    Anger is a problematic emotion for a number of reasons. Chronic anger can even become a big issue, requiring psychiatric treatment. It’s difficult to know how to deal with anger. Some suggest that ‘bottling’ anger is an “unhealthy behaviour”, and that anger should be ‘let out’ when it’s felt lest it begin to fester within the affected individual. However, when you’re getting angry over every little thing (your partner shut a door too hard and the noise annoyed you, your kids didn’t call bang on the time they said they would…), exploding at every little thing may seem like a massive overreaction – even if you’re only letting out the anger you feel. A lot of women, coping with unaccustomed levels of anger and irritability, begin to feel as though they are becoming an unrecognizable person. One who is nasty, and snappish, and has zero tolerance for practically everything. If they’re good people, your friends and family are bound to understand the reasons behind your sudden transformation into Womanzilla and be sympathetic – but this doesn’t stop a lot of women from feelings of guilt and concerns that they’re alienating their nearest and dearest.

    Anger And Identity

    Transforming into an angry person can make some women – particularly those who, pre-menopause, were calm and tolerant – feel as though they are losing their identities. In a time which is already troubling for some for a variety of reasons, this can cause a backlog of worry and other psychological issues which will only make the problem worse. The important thing to remember is that the menopause is a transitional moment. After it, while your periods will remain absent, the other symptoms will fade away and you will become yourself again – if not even more yourself than before. Many women report that, post-menopause, they feel happier and more confident than they ever did prior to the change. The New York Times point out that “women with a history of pre-menstrual depression often have significant mood improvement” [5] post-menopause. Others speak of the “post-menopause zing” [6], i.e. a new era of improved confidence, higher energy and even greater libido – plus a lot less expenditure on pads and tampons. So hold on to that while you internally rage at the traffic lights and gnash your teeth at the TV!

    Moderator comment: I have removed the link(s) directing to site(s) unsuitable for inclusion in the forums. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

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  • Posted

    Your very welcome.I saw this and thought it helpful so shared it.

    moderator.

    apologies there were links i didnt realise my cut and paste antics had included them . Not very IT savvy.

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  • Posted

    OMG kim you sound like me , i actually cant stand to listen to my husband eat it fills me with rang. I hardly speak to him. I cry loads and like you have a overwhelming urge to be on my own. Let me know if the hormones help, i am on nothing. The hospital have just suggested a mirina coil as i have a thickened uterus but, am having to wait for a GA as they tried to do a biopsy and insert the coil but, i have stenosis of my cervix and the pain was horrific. x x

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