Anorexic with no friends

I haven't, thank you. Can you tell me what its about it? I find that my anxiety is too high to join a club, I get very very nervous and end up not doing it.

Thank you for your reply

Hi Harriet.

Beat support groups are generally intended for people in recovery, however there are people who attend them who are waiting for treatment. They are run by trained facilitators and I have found the group I go to a really helpful resource to keep me on track with my recovery and check in with other people who are in the same boat as me. Also if I have had a rough week I can rant about it in a safe space with people I know understand.

Some groups require a small charge to cover the cost of the room hire for the group...mine is a £5. You pay on the day.

Beat also have a lot of online groups which are moderated too. It's not the same as making friends face to face but can be a good start if getting out the house is a difficult challenge for you.

I have found it hard to go to new things at times even though I want to. I've been ridiculously motivated then it's got to the time to go and I've shyed away.

It can be hard but actually this is just as important as the eating. You can set yourself mini goals even if it is what it might be, when, how you will get there and so on.

You could also test run the route.

Last week I had been trying to go to gymnastics for over a year I finally made it and when I got there I had the best experience ever.

The coach completely understood my anxieties and made me feel welcome. I can't WAIT to go tomorrow.

Do they have a website? I'm really happy for you that you went back to gymnastics 😊 well done!

I did that with horse riding, I managed to go and it was so good and I was really happy because its something I love but the next time I went I and a sort of panic attack and I haven't been back but I think I'm ready to try again.

How faralong recovery are you? ( if you don't mind me asking)

Hi Harriet.

You should be really proud for going in the first instance. If it's something you think you will enjoy or want to do, it's important to persevere.

Next time you go, you could bring someone with you, to help with the anxiety.

Try to focus on the positives. The fact that you went horse riding is brilliant in the first place, that's a very important step, so you should be really proud of yourself.

Of course I don't mind. I'm doing well (I wrote a post about my recovery journey yesterday, which is on the forum. It's titled my recovery journey for inspiration, - or something like that). I eat three times a day, most days and am working towards getting carbs in solidly at other meals (other than breakfast which I have nailed now). I tend to be okay with butternut squash, chickpeas and pulses, but I'm building up to getting things like pasta and rice, and bread to normalise my eating more. I'm also trying to come to terms with weight acceptance and at some point know I'll have to gain the last few kilos and accept that.

Hope that helps.

That's really good, you could always try having small bits of carbs like 3 pieces of pasta for example and then continue building it up. I struggle with the fatty foods like chocolate bars and such like. I try and make my meal plan as health as possible which I know I shouldn't do but I cant seem to help it. May I ask, where you on more than three meals a day like having snacks and pudding at some point in your recovery?

Thank you for all your reply's to by the way, they really help

Hi Harriet.

Glad that I'm able to help. I often find that labelling foods doesn't help.

My dietitian used to describe a chocolate bar as highly nutritious because it contains carbs, fat and dairy in it. When it becomes unhealthy is when that's all you eat in the same way as if you only ate apples.

Negative labelling makes you think it's bad and then makes it harder to manage.

I also use words like balanced plan instead of healthy to describe food.

That's great that you're trying to stick to your meal plan. Well done

Well done to you too! You sound as though you have put loads of effort in and tried really hard and its not easy to do, so well done to you too 😊

I've never thought of a chocolate bar like that before so, thank you.

Thanks. I fought so hard for treatment and then had to go private. I wanted treatment so much because I'd reached the point in my life that I was completely fed up with this illness. It's so disabling and I wanted my life back. It's what motivates me.

It's something to admire because I don't want this taking over my life either but I'm not sure ifnit motivates me to get better and I don't think that's right.

Your doing really well fighting this by the way 😊 ( just thought I say!)

I hit rock bottom a few years ago (worse than when I was admitted) because this time round I didn't even have my family around me as they live 3 hours away and I had so much going on at once, London renting, job etc.

When everything crashes you suddenly realise just how much you want stability. You need to be able to hold down a job but mentally you can't cope in one. You've had these aspirations for a role you want but your illness keeps getting in the way. Any sense of a social life is off the table because your eating disorder is in control. You become recluse.

Being able to hold down a job is critical and things are changing but I encountered problems where my performance came under fire indirectly because of my energy and concentration levels. This was the result of an awful boss but the stigma surrounding mental health is very prevalent and the stress of leaving one job prior to that was also taking its toll.

I want freedom, I want to be able to go travelling without panicking about what I will eat, I want to be able to know that my talents won't go to waste, I want to do the best I can in my part time MA and not get a lower grade as a result of fatique caused by malnutrition, I don't want to miss out on socials with friends and family, hobbies I enjoy due to poor energy and most of all I want to be able to raise a family one day.

I want to say that you are doing amazingly well and one day you will be able to raise a family and enjoying all the things you want to do without worry.

I want to be able to have friends who don't ditch me or bully me, real friends. And I also want stop worrying constantly about food and life in general and some day I hope I get to this place.

Lets keep fighting!

( thank you by the way, its helped talking to you)