Anorgasmia question

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Im in my late 20's and my first sexual experience (involving penetration) was when I was 16. I have never experienced an orgasm while having sex. This clearly affects my relationships since I can't explain why is something as normal as having an orgasm (being a man) not happening. I can get to that point with masturbation its just not coming along in any other way.

I have read some online but theres nothing that can lead me to a solution, I just wish to understand why, why is this happening. 

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  • Posted

    Delayed ejaculation or anorgasmia through intercourse may be explained by a history on prone or face down masturbation as an exclusive practise. Other possibilities are a history of medicine or drug taking either prescribed or recreational.
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  • Posted

    This may sound a bit personal, but have you had sex with more than one partner?

    You say that you experienced you first pentration when you were 16; what age was the girl and had she been penetrated before?

    In sexual intercourse the penis becomes erect through arousal both physical in terms of masturbation to make the penis erect; or is it the fact that you feel aroused by the person.

    If you were a virgin when you first pentrated was you penis fully erect, or mildly flacid; more to the point how deep did you penetrate. Was it enough to break the girl's hymen; and could you fee the penis:

    a) touch the cervix

    b) did the girl grip your penise with her pelvic floor muscles (in the same way as you would grip our penis in masturbation).

    c) Could your penis feel the pulse of her vagina as you penetrated and was the penis being massaged sufficiently to stay erect?

    The tighter the grip the vagina has on the penis the greater the massage will be and in turn keep the penis errect.   Do you vary the depth of penetration, without removing the penis from the vagina.

    Some times a girl is better stimulated by three not so deep thrusts followed by two very deep penetrations. Also how tight are pelvic floor muscles around your penis.  Remember that sex is a two way thing and there needs to be "effort" on both sides.  Are both of you out of breath following following orgasm; that is to say does she orgasm but you don't?

    If you masturbate on your own do you go in to orgasm and ejacultate so that the semen is very visable, evern appear to "squirt " out.  How hard to you hold your penis when you masturbate?

    What is going through my mind, and this not to be a criticism of your girl friend, but are her pelvic floor muscles strong enough?  

    If not she needs to strenghten them as it is these that make the vagina grip the penis.

    The actual exercise is quite straight forward.

    She lies on the floor (note not the bed) She can put something down like a blanket to lie on. Her back should be on the floor.

    She should put a pillow under her kneck for support (but not under the head). Next she needs to place her arms by her sides with the palms of her hands lying flat on the floor.

    Next bring both legs up so that the soles of the feet are square on the ground, which means her knees are in the air but her lower back and buttocks still on the floor.

    The exercise starts whether her her stomach muscles pushing up from the shoulder, but still keeping her head on the floor so that he back is arched from the ground. However the forearms must stay square on the floor and not lift. 

    She will feel a tension on the top of her tummy near the entrance of the vagina. That means that the vagina muscles are being used; flexed it you want to put it that. way. Then she should slowly lower herself down on to the floor and repeat the whole cycle again.

    After a while the pelvic floor muscles will be come very tight and give resitance to the erect penis to complete penetration; she can also vary the grip on the penis by using those muscles as you start to penetrate, and start pumping. Actually delayed ejaculation can be better than premature ejaculation, since you know that you have ejactulated and that the sperms and semen are going to cross the vulva and cervix

    towards the unterous and hopefully meet the ova if it has been released from the ovaries and out through the fallopian tubes.

    Although  your penis will be flaccid by now, there will still be a certain amount of ejactulate and semen left in the shaft of the penis.  Again the girl can use her pelvic floor muscles to drain the penis.

    If you are genuinely trying for a baby, then it best to let the girl lay on her back with her legs pulled back so that the semen has a better chance for heading towards the cervix and and across in to the uterrous. 

    Providing you penis is erect and through arousal whether it be mental or physically induced by hand movements. the penis will harden so that will feel the grip of the vaginal walls and probably pulsation of the muscles as her heart beat rises.

    Once you have acheived full penetration then you can start pumping with your penis in the vagina.  You may both have to alter your positions slightly to make it comfortable but at the same time rubbing both her vaginal walls and the pelvic floor muscles rubbing the penis. 

    If you do two shallow thrusts followed by one deep thurst with a slow part withdawl and then repeat the the thrusts as above.  Start to increase the pumping speed and the vaginal walls together with your erect penis with the blood vessels around it will be proper penetration and you will both orgasm and you ejaculate. When you have fully with drawn and the girl wants to get up, just let her lower her legs gently and lay flat on the bed. When she actually gets up to stand, she will feel some of the ejaculate run out of the vagina, but that does not mean that the copulation has been unsuccessful, it is just the body draining the vagina of the ejacualte as the sperms should now be heading their way towards the fallopian tubes.

    Once orgasm has been acheived, then leave he penis in postition slowing down the pumping rate, so that the girls still feels "massage".of the mans penise girls can have multiple orgasms where boys generally speaking can't 

    A mans penis will always become flacid after ejaculation and

    withdrawl.  Once you are erect again you just repeat the procdeure.

    Yes it is tiring but that is what sexual fitness is about.  Try other positions as you get more confident.


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    • Posted

      You forgot to add that those techniques may only work for about 1 out of 4 women. 50-75% cannot reach an orgasm from penile penetration alone. Clitoral stimulation during sexual intercourse is required as well. When a woman has an orgasm involuntary contractions take place which may help him if he makes his partner climax before him. Sorry I'm new and this is totally off topic but the description you give for performing kegel exercises is not one I am familiar with. Would you be willing to send more detailed instructions for that method to me personally through this site somehow? Thanks!
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    • Posted

      Pelvic floor exercises can be far simpler than that. This is the way I was taught: When you go for a wee, stop mid-flow. That shows you the muscles you need to use to strengthen your pelvic floor. Then, at any time of the day you want reall, sitting, standing, in bed, whatever, clench those muscles (not your butt cheeks) a little. Hold for three seconds, then clench a little tighter for three seconds, then a little tighter for three seconds (like you are going up in a lift). Then do the same in reverse, so relax a little and hold, then relax a little more and hold, then again. Repeat that set 3 times a day. I often do them sitting at my desk, when I am walking, when I am in the bath and just before bed (when I am lying down).

      It is also worth noting that these exercises are suitable for men too, who often neglect their pelvic floor greatly. Women are often reminded whilst pregnant (and after) to do their pelvic gloor, but men aren't routinely reminded despite the fact it can prevent incontinence in later life. xx

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  • Posted

    The pressure you are putting on yourself mentally to be "normal" is a powerful thing working against you. If your orgasms are linked very strongly to your mind, your body may not be able to overcome that hurdle in order for you to have one with someone else. This is the reason some women find it nearly impossible to achieve orgasm during sex with men. Any insecurities can wreak havoc on your sex life! That does not mean there is anything wrong with them, you as a person or as a man. It's about working a bit differently, nothing more. Finding a partner that knows and understands your personal situation will, I think, help immensely, it probably won't be as difficult as you think it will be either. There is no reason to rush right into sex so get comfortable enough to be as relaxed as you can be around the person when the time comes. That also makes trying new things more fun and natural feeling. What thoughts make you have an orgasm when you masturbate? Tell your partner exactly what you think about so they can try to recreate what goes on in your mind. Accept yourself, they will too.

    Kegel exercises aren't just for women, they can make mens orgasms stronger, erections harder, and are just good for overall penile health which may help in your case.

    Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the link as it went to a "Page not found" message. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

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  • Posted

    I have exactly the same problem. Since you are able to make yourself orgasm (ruling out physical reasons) the answer is that you have some kind of mental block. For me, it stems from years of abuse as a child. It can be caused by anything though. For some reason, deep down, you can't let yourself go enough to allow orgasm.

    To fix it, the first step is finding out why you have that block in place. Depending on what you believe, hypnotherapy and accupuncture may be able to help. If not, speaking to a counsellor or psychologist is probably a good idea. Speaking to someone who specialises in this sort of thing is best if you can find someone. Your doctor may be able to provide some ideas.

    Secondly, you need to make sure that you are happy in your relationship and genuinely trust the person you are with completely. All the while you don't have that, it is unlikely you will be able to relax enough.

    As for while you are waiting, why not try getting yourself very close, then allowing your partner 'entry' whilst you continue masturbating/? Being able to orgasm with him inside you, even when you have done all the work, may help 'train' your mind and body into believing the orgasm is an okay thing to happen during sex. It does mean waiting for your partner to finish once you are done though... but since that is what you normally have to do I assume it wont be a problem?

    If you want to message me at any time feel free hun, I will do my best to answer any questions and will provide whatever support I can.

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