Another chance

No they didn't, and when I asked to see the Dr there to ask for it I was fobbed off with a nurse. They were not interested in alcoholics. RHGB explained that they don't get funding for drunks

Hi rainbow.

I have two sisters. One is 22 the other 20. I am 40 and have a different father.

I was kicked out at 16 so wasn't at home when they were growing up but used to see them often and take them out for treats.

My relationship with my Mother has always been difficult and in no way unconditional. It's her way or the highway and she is very judgemental, also I think still very bitter and angry with my father.

Things deteriorated further when I started drinking and culminated in a huge argument were she physically attacked and let out 34 years of vitriolic bile about how I'm just like my father, shouldn't have been born etc ect.

At the time my sisters were young teenagers.

Now they are older and have their own flats and my mother has moved out of London. Perhaps my sister feels now she is away from our mother she has the freedom to contact me (mother very controlling) maybe she has her own issues with our mother, maybe she has her own issues with substance abuse.

I see your point rainbow but the last thing I want is to be drunk or hung over on our reunion (not arranged yet) but I know I'm going to be very tense and anxious.

Kelly. Xx

Hi Kelly. 

?I'm so sorry for my late reply. It's been a really hectic week ! 

?From reading your last message I can understand your fears. How terrible it must have been for you all those years ago You must have felt so alone and abandoned , plus being judged as being like your father and the comment about you never should have been born. Those words must have sat with you for years . It's not suprising you have been numbing out the pain. Do you see your Father ?

?However, from what you have said re your sisters and the ages they are , I too can only hope that they have grown up and now can see the unhappiness that your mother has caused you . 

?I have kids the same ages as your sisters and I'm 46 . I know the relationship is different but I feel now that young people are so much more aware of addiction, anxiety etc and they question more about stuff. Mine definitely have and I must say, out of everyone surrounding me, they are the ones that understand me and my drinking the most and the reasons I went down that road. 

?Like you say, they probably have seen things in your Mum like you did and are questioning the past . They are also still very young to have their own flats etc ?. 

?My daughter has an addiction and I am finding every strength I can in me now to lead the way and show her that I can do it . I'm hoping in time she will follow when she's ready . 

?Obviously , we don't know the situation your sisters are in but this may help you to stay focussed maybe , knowing they are much younger and possibly reaching out to you for help ? 

?Please keep in touch and let me know your progress . I don't know how she made contact but could you write to her , maybe keeping it fairly light but expressing your fears 

?Anyway, very best of luck Kelly and thinking of you 

Take good care xx

Hi Rainbow.

Thanks for your message.

?Had a brief conversation with my Sister over facebook messenger but she has gone a bit quite.

?Maybe I'm being a bit keen or impatient. After all this time a couple of weeks is nothing.

?No I don't see my Father, not since my Mother left him (5-6 yrs old). She totally cut all contact, skipped town and shacked up with another man. Not even a phone number.

 In fact her landline is still ex-directory.

?I'm not sure what to anticipate regarding the perception my sister has as I later found out that my Mother told everyone that I decided to move out of my own accord and that she cut off my Father because he was abusive.

 I think that's what hurts more than the actions, its the lies and denial. I also believe that is why we had such a bad relationship, she knows the truth and she knows that I know the truth of what has happened.

?Yes my sisters are relatively young to have their own places. I'm not sure they had a lot of options. My Mother moved from southeast London to Herne bay around two years ago when my sisters where 20 and 18. All their paternal aunts, uncles, their grandmother, their friends and their boyfriends live in southeast London. Add to the fact that Herne bay is not exactly alive and kicking with a vibrant and diverse young community I'm not surprised they decided to come back. Also I think there is an element of racsism down there especially near Margate (my sisters are half cast). Also my youngest sister, I was told, wanted to pursue higher education.  

?So that's it.

?How your managing with your Daughter? It scares me that one day my daughter (she's 10, lives with Dad) will come to me with a problem that I'm too stuck in my own mud to cope with it and help her.

Although its not an ideal situation I hope your daughter gives you strength and determination to be in a good place so that you can help her.

?Take care. Kelly Xx

Hope your still good.

See my reply to rainbow.

Kelly. Xx

Hi Kelly. Did read your reply just now. So much going on in your life and hard to control. My thoughts are with you 😀

Hi Damian.

Thanks for your response.

?Glad you have figured out your drinking and found a solution.

?Did a bit of reading and I don't think it really sounds like me, but I think your reply may be helpful for someone I know.

?I know someone in his late thirties who told me he had ADHD which I thought at the time was ridiculous. You know " isn't that something only naughty little kids have ? ".

But he totally shows the cardinal signs. He says he on treatment but I don't know what and it doesn't seem to be working. He's hyperactive, talks ten to the dozen, walks 50 miles an hour, stays up all night and cant sit still or have a conversation for longer than 10 minutes. Also substance abuse, taking risks, getting into to trouble, temper eruptions and fighting.

This is the behaviour of a 36 year old man.

?I'm glad I understand him a bit better now and will ask him what his medication is and mention what you are taking. 

Thanks again kelly

Hey Kelly,

Im not to sure about how much you read on the subject but have you read that most signs of Adult ADHD are internalized so physical symptoms are not going to help with the diagnosis. Rather go to a Dr and see what they have to say because you can't fix a problem with the same mind that created it. Nice try thou....lol. Your not getting away that easy. This is a self journey and loving yourself has got to come first because how can you love someone else if you can't love yourself.

Best of luck,

Damian