Anxiety

Jo, may be a change in medication is worth a try, although I'm not sure how long you should give this one a go for ? ask your doc or who ever is treating you, i would if it was me.

Take care x

Anxiety not that bad today,decided not to take diazepam as now just makes me sleep so maybe I dont need it anymore.I just dont know about the Mirtazapine,seeing Psych next week so will ask again,have been on highest dose for nearly 8 weeks now,surely I should be getting there by now (am always v impatient)

Also today was in the garden and I thought 'where have you been?' like a tiny corner of my mind is trying to get back,if you see what I mean.I am always wary though because a massive crash is always around the corner.I am still having problems with eating,daytime is ok because I can regulate it myself,its in the evening when we all sit down together I come unstuck.I cant stop myself from throwing up even though I know this is making me tired and stopping the meds work

:wink:

Today the anxiety has been coming and going in pockets.yesterday only had one diazepam in the evening and managed fine all day which I have also done today.I realise I am focussing on a particular worry,and then when thats sorted I pick something else,so maybe this anxiety is self perpetuating.Its still awful but at least I understand it better.Have been out every day for a while now only getting up and ready takes a long time.No more internet shopping now(small purchase only!)

Im hoping this is just the start of feeling better,have psychologist appointment on thursday which is good,thanks to all of you who contribute to making this hideous experience less lonely

JO x

Jo,

I don't know how the hell you have stayed on the 45mg for 8 weeks, I just about managed 3 and it nearly wiped me out. The \"home team\" got me back to see my Psych last Friday who reduced it down to 30mg because he said I was \"highly sensitive\" to the drug. I took my first 30mg on Friday night; Saturday morning I was up and dressed and actually doing some ironing (though I only stuck at that for 20 mins, but that was a huge achievement to me!) I couldn't walk up the stairs, even taking a cup out to the kitchen was a huge effort, I was like the waking dead!

I get anxious too - but I've found that if I wear a hair band round my wrist, if I get anxious I start fiddling with it, and it distracts me from what I'm feeling anxious about. My biggest problem is going out alone - I just can't do it yet, but my hair bobble has got me to my front garden gate so far - sounds totally nuts I know, but it does work.

Hi Shelley

It was really helpful to me to know that you too feel as I do.I take olanzapine 5mg twice a day as well as the mirtazapine and the combination makes things take a very long time although I try to maitain the housework etc as have 13 and 16 year old as well as a husband who have suffered enough because of me.

Sometimes I feel ok,then the anxiety kicks back in,I realy want it to go because thats the killer,Im on my own all day in the house but try to go out once a day,although my 13 year old is ill today (stressed because of me) so today its just me and the same 4 walls.I cant contemplate going back to work,am signed off till mid March,I still feel a bit like I dont know who I am although that is lifting I think.Today I am getting to meet my new CPN who takes over from the home team Ive been seeing.I need someone to come regularly to make sure Im doing ok as I cant really tell.I want to stop the mirtazapine because Im sure its the cause of my tinnitus(started a month after drug commenced).Its a really loud high pitch in m y head and its worse at night when all is quiet.

Its all one day at a time isnt it

Keep well

Jox

Hi Jo,

I so know how you feel with everything being such an effort! Today I can't be bothered with anything, so looks like rice krispies for dinner tonight! Unlike you, I don't have anyone at home - my daughter left home last year and all my family live in different parts of the country- and my long term partner gave up on me two years ago! Are your family supportive? Luckily my daughter (who is nearly 20) knows how I feel as she's suffered from deep depression, psychosis etc etc for years. She's now \"back to normal\" no one would ever know shes had mental illness - but she has been a huge support to me on the phone and when she's been to visit. I know, deep down though a lot of her problems were down to me and my untreated depression whilst she grew up, and I feel dreadfully guilty about it now. Trying to look at it positively though, she's proved that we can recover eventually (probably because shes moved away from home!) - and as much as I can say that out loud, deep down I dont feel very positive about anything much these days; its all about telling people what they want to hear, when inside you're screaming something else!

I haven't met my CPN yet, although I'm told it will happen sometime next week - another new face!

I had to take a zopiclone last night because I just could not get to sleep - sometimes I am afraid to sleep because I hate the nightmares. I'm keeping a diary, do the usual - set myself a goal to achieve the next day - today I failed miserably - but tomorrow is another day!

I hate it when my friends and family ask me what my long term plans are now... how do you explain to someone that you can't see further than the next hour, never mind whats going to happen in months or years time ? This mental illness lark is no picnic - I used to be so happy, so full of life. I used to laugh a lot and not let things stress me - I just wish I could snap my fingers and get back to the way I used to be! I get frustrated with myself because I cant concentrate on much, which often reduces me to tears, then its like a viscious circle. I have my hairband, and probably 8 times out of 10 it works, but the two times it doesnt, its like sliding back down a deep dark hole again.

What I keep telling myself though is I am still here for a reason, someone found me I didnt want to be found .. and all I have to do know is find out WHAT that reason is!