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I don't know where to start really. I feel depressed and sometimes like I want to end my life and then somedays I have days like today. Where I really want to go out an explore but I just simply can't do it. Today I drove around for an hour looking for places to walk my dogs but I was to scared to park up and get on a walking route or even just go for a walk. I called in work sick today as I just felt that wall that's says no , not today please. So I just drove around for an hour then admitted defeat went to the same boring place I always walk , then got agitated by people as its a popular walking destination and then just couldn't wait to go home. Sat tired after a day of doing nothing. Contemplating what to do with my life. I won't end it because of my dogs . Silly I know. I can't even tell if it's real anymore or if it's just the way I am or if I've made it all up. Why can't I just get on with things why am like this. I wish I could not feel this way. There's so much I want to do I want to join a fitness class and make friends . I'm surrounded by crap work colleagues and I know it's negative but they are crap I know that's real. I do have good friends a handful but they lives 100s miles away. I just can't snap out of it. How am I supposed to do the job I want
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