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I wrote all thus today as more of a diary entry to help me understand how I was feeling but I wanted to know if anyone else can relate to any of this?

Today I am thinking that I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Then I think I shouldn't be thinking this as it's all just anxiety and by thinking these things I am making it worse. But how do I know it's just anxiety? I was never diagnosed with anxiety before.

When I think back to when these things all started, I seemed to have some kind of flu or virus, my throat was sore as was my chest and tummy. My tongue was sore too. I do remember feeling really unnerved about the symptoms. I guess that is why I am willing to believe that it could be anxiety as when most people get ill they just think "ugh I am not feeling well" where I immediately had this awful feeling that it must be some awful disease like HIV or something. From this point on I've never felt completely back to myself again. I've also found myself drinking and smoking so much more, which I am sure doesn't help. I think if people could be inside my body and feel how I feel, they wouldn't be so quick to brush me off. As my symptoms don't actually feel mental. They feel physical.

At first after the "virus" the pins and needles started, this was really unnerving, in my head I could only imagine that this must be a really bad thing. I also had really cold hands and feet and my muscles and joints all felt achy. Before long my arms started to feel like they were shaking, when I went to pick up a glass I had to concentrate to stop my hand from shaking. This was when I thought I must have something sinister like MS. These sorts of symptoms became a daily thing for me. Everyday I would wake up and at first feel relieved that I felt nothing and gradually throughout the day the symptoms would start to seep back in. It was never normal symptoms either which made everything feel more unnerving. For example my tongue began to burn it was painful and lasted for months and I constantly got swollen glands and my throat was always just that bit sore.

People got tired of me mentioning new symptoms, I don't think it was because they thought I was a hypochondriac as much as that they all already believed that it was anxiety and that by constantly worrying about everything I was only exacerbating the problem.

In my head though I can't understand it. I've stopped talking to anyone about it as I know they'll roll there eyes.

To this day I find myself twitching and jerking when I lie in bed. I can't swallow things properly as it feels as though there is a hole at the back of my throat and makes me choke, even just on my saliva. Sometimes it feels like there's a lump in my throat too. Recently I feel like I'm getting some pain in my chest and like I can't breathe properly.

I guess what I've found the hardest to understand is how did this "anxiety" happen? I don't remember feeling anxious at the time when I got ill. I know I definitely had a virus initially, though why have I never recovered? Have I just worried myself into an anxious state? If I could tell my body to stop giving me such horrible symptoms I know that my head would get better, but I think my body thinks the opposite; when my head gets better then it will heal.

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  • Posted

    I have had depression for 16 years the anxiety only started 3 months ago,Ive had most of the symptoms you have mentioned and I did not believe it was anxiety.

    I have had every test available and all is clear.

    It was on this forum that I realised I wasnt going mad and it has helped me come to terms with anxiety.

    Keeping busy is the key thing when mine started at first I used to crawl into bed but now I have found going for a brisk walk helps.

    You have to stay strong and fight it or else it winsbiggrin

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  • Posted

    The first step would be a physical and to allow your Doctor to make the diagnosis. If you are told after the exam and bloodwork that it is felt you have an anxiety disorder the journey will begin there. Panic attacks are not a choice, they are not self inflicted on purpose..they are a mal function, a disorder so accept that..but will play many games with you and adrenaline rushes cause tons of weird symptoms, real ones but they wear off in cycles. Read through this forum as there are many good ideas. Learn cbt,,proper breathing and most importantly learn acceptance. Your body needs you to feed it nutritionally sound foods so it can deal with the mal functioning fight or flight or ailment properly. Adrenaline rushes drain the body from nutrition and energy keep that in mind.So be sure to eat a well balanced healthy diet and b complex suppliments. Keep hydrated. Be very sure to drink at least half your body weight in ounces in water..lemon or lime added to water is good choice. Dehydration mimics many symptoms or causes them so keep that in mind.Give yourself time to heal from any ailments. Love yourself as is. Learn to love fruits and veggies and movement is important and so walk or dance around daily. this is your mind and body so it will be and is a personal journey. There are tons of books, audiobooks, videos, apps, therapists, diets..etc..out there to assist you see what you like. Denying you have a anxiety disorder will only make your life worse, using alcohol to mask pain or discomfort will only add a whole new set of terrible issues and it wont do much for a panic attacks. Acceptance is way more useful. googling symptoms is a tremendous error, thats what doctors are for. Good luck.
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  • Posted

    Thank you so much for your replies and advice. It feels good to be in a place where people can empathise with how I'm feeling. I think I'm starting to see that I have to accept that this is anxiety and that I have to take steps towards dealing with that as opposed to some miscellaneous disease.

    I've been to the doctors and they did blood tests which were clear. They did believe it was anxiety but for some reason I wasn't quite able to believe that. Maybe because I didn't have a lot of knowledge on what anxiety is.

    I am going to try to take it step by step and get a bit more active and healthy. I've also booked in for dome meditation classes and CBT.

    Thanks again.

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    • Posted

      To be honest I had all the same symptoms you had when I was first dealing with what I didn't know at the time was anxiety.  It is one of those disorders that it is hard to put a finger on.  Because we always will have "What if" thoughts.  These "what if" thoughts fuel the anxiety, it becomes a vicious cycle.  We need to learn to break the cycle.  In order to do that, we need to find "calm" In order to find calm we need to learn to calm ourselves.  There are many forms of doing this, meditation, I prefer guided meditation.  Because it is telling me what to do, and I can refocus when my mind, thoughts distract me.  There are many more ways to  relieve anxiety.  But I believe once we learn to calm the mind, the body will follow.  So please give guided meditation a try.  You have nothing to lose, and possibly may get some temporary peace of mind. 
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