Anxiety about doing anything or having discipline
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I procrastinate excessively and have extreme difficulty doing basic stuff like driving, waking up, working, falling asleep, reading, etc. Basically, my mind runs through multiple thoughts over and over. These intrusive thoughts are of things I have to get done. I usually keep repeating the number of things I have to do (example at work: 6 for clocking out, grab purse from locker, screenshot next week's schedule, put away walkie talkie and earpiece, timecard review....and 2 for signing in and taking the health check-in quiz). I keep repeating these numbers in my head even after completing the tasks to make sure I actually did all of them. The reason I do this is because I have horrible memory. The reason I'm so bad at driving is because I don't have a good sense of direction and I'm always forgetting to pay attention or remember the rules of the road. My anxiety interferes with my intuition and common sense and it's the reason my heart pounds just from thinking about my future and how I will be able to hold down a job and have a family. I can just barely handle community college and I plan to become a Physician Assistant (which is really difficult). My anxiety has convinced me that I will never be capable or have the discipline to have even an average life. I'm convinced I'll end up homeless or something because of it. I always think I should start cutting or something because I really don't think I'm able to function as an adult (turned 18 about 2 months ago). Anyone in the same boat? What advice can you give me for my anxiety about my abilities? Thanks in advance.
0 likes, 2 replies
athol91131 Rhee63
Edited
Hi Rhee. Sorry to hear of your difficulties. It sounds to me as if you might have a case of OCD. This is a variant on Anxiety Disorder. Have you seen your doctor and talked about this. Once you know what it is then you can do something about it. There are many good books about OCD but do not self diagnose yourself online. See a professional and get some advice. You are not losing your mind, this is a very common and treatable condition. You will be okay, you just need to learn how to manage it and possibly get some helpful medication.
Anxiety always lives in the future, in imagined disaster. But your thoughts are not facts, they are just thoughts and 99 per cent of the time have no basis in reality. Do not believe your thoughts. They are not true. You will be fine.
You probably could do with some counselling to support you through this, but you will be okay. You believe that you are inadequate to life but this is not true. You are stronger than you think. These inadequate thoughts come from the anxiety, they are not the true you (though I know how difficult it is to believe this when you are in the middle of it).
You will be okay. There is nothing 'wrong' with you. Get some help. Despite what you think, you will be fine.
Best Wishes xxx
Rhee63 athol91131
Posted
I appreciate your supportive words. To be honest, I do sometimes think I have some form of OCD, but you're right to say I shouldn't self-diagnose. I'm not able to get professional help because my insurance doesn't cover it, so for now, I've been talking to my siblings and best friend. I've also tried using/gathering online resources (crisis hotline, online support forums, online workbook for depression, etcetera). Sometimes, I write myself advice when I'm in a slightly better mood so that I may come back to it later as needed. Religion also helps. I've been slightly more productive than usual, so I should keep up the improvements and tell myself that the only way to prove my anxiety wrong is by actually doing the things I'm afraid of. It'll be very difficult, but I should eventually reach the light at the end the dark tunnel. Thank you for your response.