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I use a computer every day but I've never thought going on a board would help, but I decided any help possible could be good so here goes.
I went to Canada in March on holiday for a snowboarding holiday of a lifetime, but it kind of turned into the thing that ruined my life. I was on a ski lift with my instructor and I just had what I presume now was a panic attack. I felt really ill and felt as if I was going to be sick and basically fearing the worst. I managed to get down the mountain fine after that but it was always playing in the back of my mind. I didn't go on the ski lift for the rest of the week, I just stuck to the beginner slope. On the plane I had another panic attack just before take off, but for the rest of the flight I was fine.
Once I was home they got progressively worse. The main symptom for me was that I felt really nauseas, lightheaded and generally unwell. My throat would close up and take all my attention away from what I was doing. I was having driving lessons at the time and I had one during a lesson, which then put me off that as well. I went to college one day and I had an attack on my moped on the way, so I rang my mum and told her I was coming home as it really made me feel weird. I went out later that day and that's the panic attack that tipped me over the edge. I was riding my bike, but I suddenly had to stop. I sat down on the pavement next to someones house just shaking. I went completely numb, felt ill and didn't feel in control of my body. I would move about 30ft down the road then I'd have to sit down again. This went on for 2 hours until my mum finished work, and I was able to make it to the car and home. Once I was home I immediately calmed down but it was one of the worst experiences I've had.
Since then I've just been scared to leave. I'd get to my front gate and get nauseas and dizzy. I'm 17 and I just missed out on a whole summer of my life. Couped up indoors panicking about having another panic attack. The main thing is the unwell feeling. I'm scared of being sick and the throat closing thing makes me feel like I'm about to be.
When I think it's getting better, it starts to get worse again. I started seeing a counselor in August but I've cancelled more times than I've seen her. I hate people being in the house except my mum and that makes my anxiety levels rise.
I don't know what I should be doing anymore. It's becoming more depressive and I've been upset more than usual because I'm dwelling on how bad my life has become.
It's hard to describe how I feel sometimes and to me it doesn't fit in to any illness before, which I'm sure it definitely has.
What can I do? I've read self help books and they helped somewhat. Do I just need to 'soldier on' and see my counsellor? I can see how bad it's become but I just can't bring myself to drag myself out.
Thanks for your replies in advance,
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