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Anxiety and depressed

Posted , 4 users are following.

Lea23
Lea23

taking over my life, im actually starting to hate myself and I hate that I have to fight against my own mind. I have a boyfriend who is not helpful understanding has he thinks I give myself anxiety and that all I do is stress myself out. and argue with him 24/7 feel like I have to hide it from him he constantly threatening to dump me which again doesn't help me it makes my anxiety worst and puts me on edge.

I feel like I have to beg for his love and support to the point im drained. I dont think he will care until im his door matt.

I have tryed explaining to him that anxiety is not my fault. I have no control over it and he tells me im just a big baby and emotionally invalidates my feelings. if I try and talk to him face to face he just shouts at me and tells me I've p****d him off, he is a a very harsh person. he threatens to punch me in my face and has hurt me pulled my hair and violently shook me around and takes my anxiety personally instead of realising its not me its the third person putting doubts in my mind.

telling me he doesnt love me or he will cheat or he is using me.

he wants to control me instead of love me or maybe that is anxiety talking.

he told me today he wishes he does have cancer and wants to die because of me. he told me he is depressed because of me

so now I feel awful 😞 but I think he is trying to guilt trip me has he knows deep down he treats me badly.

he tells me im ugly and I dress awful and I should wear make up.

he demands certain things in bed, if i refuse he gets mad and tells me im boring and vanilla and that he will go off me

so even in bed he bullying me alot

he tells me to send nudes and when I say no he still trying to pressure me saying im boring instead of respecting my comfort level.

I tell him I cant do it he says what women doesnt send her man nudes.

and it just makes me feel anxious and uneasy.

I really think if I do that he will black mail me and say if u don't do this im sending your photos out to everyone. To control me

he has bipolar and I don't know if this is the reason why he is so aggressive and thoughtless towards me. And says hurtful things

he calls me terrible things.

im not perfect and I know im difficult and have mental health issues.

im hard work

I just wish he could be more understanding and not trigger my anxiety. be a friend not a enemy to me he must hate me

sorry just had to rant. I have nobodyelse i can talk 2

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • irv76425
    irv76425 Lea23

    Posted

    I am older and have a family and do not know what you are going through, but I hope you have an organization and/or professional help for your anxiety and friends or family you can lean on to get out of your relationship situation. I hope for the best for you, you can do with support.

    • Lea23
      Lea23 irv76425

      Edited

      thanks yes I have a few close friends and good family support system, im just really embrassed about this whole issues 😪

  • jan34534
    jan34534 Lea23

    Posted

    you are in an unsafe abusive situation. You need to talk to a therapist or someone else who can help as soon as you can. They have a lot of resources that would help you out. don’t make any excuses for his behavior.he is a threat to not only your self-esteem but also to you physically .

    there are thousands of women who lost their lives in a similar situation. They never thought that would happen to them.

    in A healthy relationship, partners build each other up, comfort each other, have each other‘s back‘s and want the best for them! you have to ask yourself how is this relationship doing those things? its not.

    you need to start somewhere because you deserve way better than this. if you don’t know how to get the help, you can talk to somebody at most churches. They usually can provide you with some resources to get started.

    a Woman in this type of relationship is better off alone than to put up with this abuse even one more day. Stay safe

    • Lea23
      Lea23 jan34534

      Edited

      thanks i have contacted the NHS to get some free counselling and therapy.

      Im just nervous incase they tell children's services has I just had a baby.

      even thought a malicious phone call was made to the police saying that a neighbour had concerns weed is being smoked around my baby.

      im starting to think that it was him now,

      I dont trust him and now he told me if I dont put him on childs bc no more money for her . he is black mailing me now

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