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My name is Tom i'm 16 years old and a have a STUPID but horrible fear that i'm going crazy! I've had anxiety on and off for about a year now due to having bad experiences with weed but it's never really been as bad as now. I keep thinking i'm going to lose my mind and go schizophrenic and i'm going to start hearing voices and hallucinating and shit but i know that its just anxiety making me panic.
I started to get depressed about a month ago because i stopped smoking weed but all my mates were still doing it so i felt really excluded (i quit because i was feeling anxious whenever i smoked it and i panicked thinking that i was losing my mind). Also, my ex girlfriend who i was madly in love with started seeing a new guy and that was on my mind a lot and my life just was generally not as happy as it once was. I felt really down and i woke up one morning after a unproductive weekend of watching my friends get high whilst i did nothing but get pissed and i felt HORRIBLE in the morning, this was when the depression kicked in. I seem to remember having a vivd dream (probably just because i was drunk) and for some reason the dream startled me or something and made me feel gloomy, lonely, hopeless, unmotivated, no appetite and generally insane the next morning. I began to feel a little bit better as the day progressed, i had no energy or willpower to do anything! but my anxiety was flaring up a bit just because my mind felt like it was taking a turn for the worse. The depression began to die down after a week, i think time just slowly drained it away but i felt incredibly light headed and not with it the following week. It felt like i had no concentration at all in college and that all my focus was in my thoughts which were negative. it fealt like i was watching my life through a glass window and i would have no motivation, when i got home from college i'd feel bored and worthless, i started thinking my existence was just pointless and that i'm not actually important to anyone. I started speaking to my brother about feeling like this because he has struggled with depression on and off, he gave me really good comfort and assured me that 'you'll get through it you just need to battle it and distract yourself from negative thoughts, everything happening to you atm is just what depression does, it isn't you, it isnt how your life is meant to be'. My depression died down but then my anxiety started getting worse.
I started getting this intense fear of becoming schizophrenic, thoughts like 'what if all this i've been suffering with is the beggining of Schiz?' 'Oh shit i'm going to lose my mind!' 'I'm gonna start hearing voices when i'm in bed' just general thoughts that freak me out. I looked up Schiz thoroughly on the internet thinking that if i research into it it will cure my fear you know like 'facing your phobia' but it just made me a lot worse and aware of what the symptoms are, i began to think shit like 'shit what if what i'm seeing is not really their AGH'. Obviously i can see this was just irrational thinking. But things would trigger my anxiety in the day e.g i watched Woman in Black in film studies and i started thinking 'shit what if this happens to me and i start seeing ghosts!' i heard my brother who i share a room with sleeptalking in the night and though 'omg maybe that was a voice trying to talk to me!' I've been too scared to go to a G.P because im scared it would freak me out even more like the fact i am even going to the doctor's means im crazy. Besides i got rid of anxiety about 9 months ago by myself. I spoke to my brother about this fear and he just said 'Stop yourself! you do not have Schiz and you will never get it your just completely overeacting and overthinking'. It's been a month now and i feel like my life is completely different now than what it was before. I'm not as depressed or anxious i used to be, but my mind is still fixated on the thoughts that i'm going crazy and 'why do i feel like this' sort of thing. I'll get points in my day where i'll feel down and hopeless and then i'll feel fine. When im around my friends i feel completely normal it's just when i'm by myself my head gets overloaded with pessimism and i'm just sick to death of it all, i just want to let go.
Has anybody else had any experiences like this? cause i've heard when you have anxiety it is not uncommon to believe that you are going crazy, i just want some reassurance.
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