Anxiety and guilt

Thank you so much for answering , I will google the book but I know this is how I am and I don't see a light. I got divorced 4 years ago and blame myself every day that I wanted out . He was sometimes very abusive and physical only two or three times but I blame myself that I was overly sensitive and caused his outbursts. I have since remarried an incredible guy but can't let go of the guilt that I ruined my first marriage. All I rememener are the good times and and that I caused my marriage to break apart . My kids like my new husband and  have what to do with their dad. All four live w me.  I don't get child support , pay all expenses. How can I get past these damaging thoughts. I know this probably sounds so confusing  

Rachel, I am also very sensitive. I always have been and my first therapist told me anxiety is common in sensitive people. We take on feelings of others and may not recognize we do it.

I'm also very self-conscious and very critical of myself.

You have my best wishes!

HinTracy, I can't tell you how much that helps, just hearing that you understand me. I need a therapist but have to make time to find one. so far this is therapy for me just hearing from others helps so much, thank you!! 

Hi Rachel

I know it's easier said than done, but try to stop feeling guilty about your first marriage. He did that on his own by being abusive. He sounds like a bully and bullies prey on vunerable and sensitive people. Basically they are cowards and by being abusive it makes them feel powerful.

look at the positives, you've a new husband who your kids like, you provide for them, you don't get child support, forget him. Please don't think I'm being hard, but he's done a good job on you, he's made you feel guilty. If you don't let go, he will have won.

keep posting on here and you'll get loads of advice and support, you're not alone

Thank you Vicky so much! Your words are so true and helpful. I will remember this when I'm feeling down and guilt ridden. I hate being anxious about such stupidity and yes he was a bully, and he doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts and continue controlling me. It was the most painful thing to pull away from a narcissist , I should be grateful I'm out and not look back. Easier said than done like you say, but I will work on this every day

Hi rachel

from what you've said about your ex, it sounds like he suffers from Narcisstic Personality disorder. It's a very complex condition where a person has to be in control, almost attention seeking. They have to be in control and will use verbal, mental and physical abuse to make them believe they have power over others.

whilst it's not quite the same, it's similar in some ways to being a psychopath, they have to have power over others. If say for example you were out with your ex and another couple in a social situation, how would he react to anyone who disagreed or offered an opinion from an opposite point of view? I guess he wouldn't like it.

does he feel like he has to be the best in everything, have power over his friends, his view, whether right or wrong is the only acceptable one to him?

i know you say you feel guilt ridden, well that's because he's chipped away at you, almost to the point where you start to doubt yourself, in other words, he's transferred his guilt to you, think it's call reverse/transferable guilt. I'm not qualified yet, 

try googling NARCISSTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER