Anxiety and Insomnia

I have GAD which has been causing lots of problems for years. It started with anxiety and racing thoughts, followed by 6 days of no sleep. This was about 10 years ago. Since then I have been on zopiclone, 1 7.5mg pill to help sleep and after trying numerous anti depressents settled on mirtazlipine. 15-30mg. My anxiety has never gotten any better and some nights I can sleep and some I can't. The anxiety also causes me back and neck problems from my muscles always being tense. In 10 years I have noticed no improvement and over the last couple years it has gotten so much worse. I have tried all natural remedies.... meditating, exercise, GABA, melitonin, Cognetive behavior therapry. Nothing makes a difference. I have found two things that cleared up my anixety and did help my sleep. First is Ketamine, over long term use my anxiety goes away, my muscle pains clear up and my sleep gets much better. Problem is I can't legally get Ketamine as it's only in trail phases in Canada and i'm no where near the clinic. I have a source for it but it's extremely expensive. I am convinced that with steady use over a longer period this could cure my problems. Things have been going so well. The cost is financially ruining me though. My source I get my ketamine recently started carrying Xanax (tested and it is pure). I decided to try it recreationally and it was like a god send at first. It was a cheaper option, it cured my anxiety, I slept better then I had in years and felt like a new man. I was even able to stop taking my mirtazapine and zopiclone. I was off the mirtazipine for 2 weeks and the zopiclone for 6 days. Then it went bad. My anxiety was gone but I stopped being able to sleep. Then my anxiety came back worse then ever. I started back on my other two medications and continued with the xanax. I increased the xanax dosage and my anxiety was good but I can't fall asleep or if I do its a light sleep and only a couple of hours before I'm awake again and not able to get back to sleep no matter if I take more of any of the three. I have hardly slept in a week now, my anxiety is horrible. Im now taking 2mg of xanax to just barely take the edge of, 30mg of mirtazlipine and 7.5mg of zopiclone and none of it is helping. I wish I had never started the xanax as it's made things worse after 3 weeks of taking it. Now I don't know what to do. I have almost zero help with our horrible medical system. My docotor wants me off zopilcone so won't increase me dosage, so if I take two pills to fall asleep it means I have a day were I can't take one at all. They won't pescribe benzo's of any kind. They will only try different anti depressants, which I've tried them all and they make no difference. Also I am not depressed but no one will listen. They say my depression is the cause of the anxiety, but I am not nor have I ever been depressed. They won't directly treat my anxiety as they say its just a symptom. I feel my anxiety is the cause not the symptom. Please help!

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