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Anxiety and relationship doubts?

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I have been in a relationship for the past 1.5 years.I’m 22 he’s 24.We’ve had our ups and downs and It took me time to gain trust in him.I have always been a bit ‘scared’ to express myself,especially say no,by fear of hurting him.I have a past with depression and severe OCD.There were lots of things that I wouldn’t say and as a result agree with him at times that I really didn’t want to.Besides,that I have been under A LOT of pressure due to assignments and classes in my uni during this year and now it’s exams season. My bf is at the same uni department and is under pressure as well and this has made me get all of his stress as it were mine.A month ago,after my boyfriend’s extreme outbusrt due to his anxiety,I forced my self once again,to do things and go with his flow,just to please him..We had sex,where I felt nothing,like as I was being forced to do it.

Things were getting worse for me.I started feeling guilty for my low libido,I had no concentration and no motive to study,I got intrusive thoughts about whethr I loved him or not.Things got worse and I started have panic attacks and obsessive thoughts about my feelings towards him.I felt as I would never be able to fell the same for him again.The idea of breaking up would give me more anxiety.I started avoiding being with him,cause I really felt that I would be pretending to be ok whereas I wasn’t.Ten days ago i woke up next to him and suddenly started stressing out, and felt that I did not feel anything about him that point,I finally talked to him and said that I need some time all alone so that I would calm down and be myself again.My doctor perscribed me 100mg of Zoloft (I used to be in Zoloft for 2 years) and I have been on CBT for more than a year.

The last week has been terrible.I could barely eat,I overslept in order to avoid overthinking,but new obsessions about my relationship were born everyday.I finally talked to him and met him after a week of no communication.I thought I was feeling ok,but as soon as I saw him,the emotional block came back and I really wanted to stay away from him.He told me that he had prepared himself for a break up by me abd he was glad that I was back.But I did not feel that way.I said I loved him and I really struggled to feel that love.Hehas patient and he is really worried about me.He loves me so much and he is afraid of losing me.The thought of breaking up has become an obsession to me whereas I don’t want to.I feel guilty for having these thoughts about leaving him.I have been trying to act normal ever since,but he realised something is wrong.He asked me why I don't have a sex drive and if he doesn't turn me on anymore.I tried to explain to him that it's a pasrt of the anxiety and it will be ok.He hasn't been in a similar situation before so he doesn't understand how I feel.It's just that I'm afraid that all these words that I'm saying about my sex drive,that will come back,will not eventually and that I will be unattracted to him.My hands are sweaty right now and I can barely type this post.

Everyone keeps telling me that time will tell what is going to happen and that my feelings will come back as soon as the exams are over.I just don’t feel like that,although I really want to feel emotions of love and passion for him again.I am just pressuring myself to feel okay with him again.Has anyone been in a similar situation?I feel helpless sad sad

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • denise92859
    denise92859 Guest

    Posted

    Hi Maybe your relationship has run it’s course or maybe your anxiety and depression is making you feel this way ,because of course people do just fall out of love ,which is sad but that’s life .This illness can make you lose your sex drive all together  ,feel detached ,stunt your emotions.Can you imagine being with out him ,can you imagine being with someone else ? When I am particulars down I sometimes really don’t want sex libido nil or even really like him and when I feel a bit better I can love him to bits again It’s a difficult one .good luck 
  • coba
    coba Guest

    Posted

    Seems to me reading this that your relationship has definitely run it's couse

    You feel guilty and your putting presure on your self

    time to move on concentrate on your couse

  • Chroi
    Chroi Guest

    Posted

    You are putting too much pressure on yourself, before this bout of anxiety did you love him?

    Anxiety can cause us to think/believe that we no longer love our loved ones as it thrives on fear, it seems to me that your fear is of losing him, so it’s making you question whether you loved him at all. 

    You do love him and when these thoughts come just allow them to be there don’t react and in time they will disappear 

    • Guest
      Guest Chroi

      Posted

      I did love him so much.I cleared things out and told him everything thay would annoy me.I wasn't afraid to speak up.He said he felt relieved and it was a purge for him the fact that I spoke frankly and expressed my feelings.Its just that although I really want to work things out and I know that now that everything has come on the surface,things would be a lot calmer.But my mind keeps remimding me all the bad times.And I feel exhausted and like I won't feel the same way again sad .I really want to find the courage and give it a last chance now that everything is clear.

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