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Anxiety and Sex

Posted , 6 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Hello All,

I've been struggling with extreme anxiety when it comes to sex and the consequences of it (i.e. pregnancy). There's a girl that I dated for a while, and our relationship was very toxic. However the sex was very good. We broke up some time ago, but still have continued to rendezvous for sex. I have used a condom every time throughout the duration every time, and have subsequently used the pull out method as well. She has a history of not being honest with me, and she says she has an IUD, but I'm skeptical. Logically, my brain tells me that there is a very slim chance that she could be pregnant. However, with my anxiety, my mind always goes to the worst case scenario, and I worry myself sick over it. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that there's no need to worry, I still do. She had her period last month, and we had sex twice this month, fully protected with a condom and pull out method. The only concern I have with the 1st time is she was a little dry to start, we were interrupted so I never ejaculated at all. I never checked the condom to see if there was a hole from the dryness.

I know that stopping seeing her would solve this problem, and I'm starting to realize that. However, I do have some underlying confidence issues, and she's more of a comfort zone to me than anything, and it's why I keep going back.

Also, I have started seeing someone recently. We've hit it off very well, and again, with my anxiety, I'm thinking since this new venture is going so well, there's going to be something to screw it up (i.e. the ex being pregnant) no matter what I tell myself from a logical perspective. I stopped having sex with her before I started getting to know this other person.

I believe I know the answer, but to ease my mind I just need to discuss it with other people.

1. I know there's always a possibility, but given this situation, what is the likelihood of her being pregnant?

2. My anxiety seems to be getting worse and worse. I tried Celexa at one point, but felt my brain was moving too slow. Does anyone have any suggestions on treatment?

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Sway
    Sway Guest

    Posted

    From what you described, it does not sound like she could be pregnant but like you said anything is possible. Really the only thing you can do is move on with your life and enjoy it. If she does come back and say she is pregnant, when she has the baby, request a DNA test. If the baby is yours, be a father but unfortunately there is nothing you can do right now so try to enjoy you're new relationship. I know all to well about anxiety and if you let it consume you then you will lose you're current relationship.

    • Guest
      Guest Sway

      Posted

      Sway,

      Thanks for the reply. Hopefully there's nothing to worry about, but we'll see. I often times let my anxiety consume me, and I need to look into getting some help. It's paralyzing...

  • denise92859
    denise92859 Guest

    Posted

    Hi Jason think you know what everyone will think .without her being pregnant which I would bet is very unlikely just by still sleeping with her is not ideal if your going to start a new and hopefully really good relationship.Dont think the new girl would like it .have a good chat with your gp there are many medications that would suit you .Hope you start to enjoy your life and have a lovely new relationship good luck
    • Guest
      Guest denise92859

      Posted

      Denise,

      Thank you for the reply. I definitely need to go to the doctor and get some medication. There are some days I can hardly function because of it.

      The ex is supposed to have her period on Wednesday the 3rd. She said she's had some cramping for a couple of weeks now, and it's bad enough today that she's needing a heating pad. She said the pain associated with the cramps she's having isn't typical, but she's sure it's her period and keeps reassuring me she's not pregnant. She's also been sick with fever, sore throat, nose bleed, ear pain, congestion. I'm just starting to worry again. Do you or anyone else think the abnormality of the pain relative to her cramps could be a pregnancy concern? Or just normal?

    • Sway
      Sway Guest

      Posted

      The cramps sound about normal. The day before I get mine I get cramps its

      Pretty bad. Not everyone is like that but I would considered it normal. Other women I know get like that too sometimes before thiers.

    • Guest
      Guest Sway

      Posted

      This is another part of my anxiety. I'm a very routine person, so any time something is considered not typical by her standards, I start panicking and freaking out.

  • betterMonica
    betterMonica Guest

    Posted

    You are very excited and worried. You need to relax. Do yoga.
  • gary35655
    gary35655 Guest

    Posted

    Jason, I was deleting my emails when I ran across your post and decided to answer. I won't give my age, but I grew up in the sex, drugs, and Rock N Roll 60s. I doubt you would be writing about this before that time period, nor there would be so many young people who have anxiety. Sigmund Freud, father of modern psychotherapy focused on several things, but one was sex, another dreams, and trauma in childhood. I mention Freud, because a Psychotherapist I was seeing at the time I was suffering from so much anxiety told me that I didn't get enough. In other words, according to him, I was having anxiety because I was, according to him, focused on sex and not experiencing it. This was a lie. Obviously, you are experiencing sex and anxiety. Of course there is always a possibility of a girl getting pregnant, even with protection. I am also a teacher, and I see many young people who have children out of wedlock, and whose children have children out of wedlock. I would say that you do have something to worry about. You, young man, might become a father. I was faced with similar situation when I was in my twenties and did become a father and married within four months. So, your anxiety is real. This is the problem that young people of my generation and thereafter have faced. If you want to mess around, you might have to pay the consequences. You might get out of this one, but there will be other situations. Since you are so anxiety-ridden, you might want to think about the root cause of your anxiety. Sometimes, society lies to us, making us think through the media and other institutions, that we have to act this way or that. You may want to wait until you meet a girl that you really love. Best wishes. 

    • Guest
      Guest gary35655

      Posted

      Gary,

      Thanks very much for your reply. Your insight and wisdom is greatly appreciated, and I do agree with your opinions.

      A quick update: The ex said she did start her period on the 2nd, a day before her start date per this app she uses to track on her phone. There was heavy bleeding for a day, and then it just stopped completely. She said this is normal and I had nothing to worry about, and that she's 100% sure it's her period. Typically she says she bleeds heavy for a day, then it's very light for the next day or so.

      It sounds like I'm out of the woods, but I'm still a little anxious about it...

  • gary35655
    gary35655 Guest

    Posted

    Thank you for your response Jason. There is a story behind all this, but I just wanted to express to you the danger of sexual escapades and how life-altering they can be. You may have anxiety in addition to the fear of your girlfriends becoming pregnant, but as one who has been there and married after it became a reality, it is a real concern. My children are all grown, married, and have good careers, but when their mother left nine years after, (this was years ago), it was not a very happy time. I just wanted to impart the real life consequences that can occur. Sexual temptation is a problem that men have in general, however it has proliferated over the decades due to any social sanctions being lifted. Be careful and make wish choices. Children are real responsibilities. Best wishes
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