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Hi, so ive started a few threads now over the last week or so, due to the crisis im going throught. So maybe its confusing to people who have read previous threads but here i go again,
About 2 weeks ago i started worrying slightly about a few things. This escalated over the days and concern turned into full blown anxiety/disasterthinking. I know i myself am responsible for making this happen due to my thinking. It might not have gone a long time, but still this has been one of the worst things i have ever had to endure (and to think im doing it all to myself). I dont think a person who hasnt suffered this sort of anxiety can ever fully relate to what a NIGHTMARE it is. I know people reading this can however.
My biggest problem right now is the effects this has on my sleep. I work with quite a varied schedule, which makes going to bed the exact same time every day not possible. I try to maintain a good sleep hygiene, read in bed, wind down and the sort. But i still wake up every night long before the alarm clock goes off. I am to tired to move out of bed at this point and desperately sleepy, but i cant go back to sleep! This is like a wake nightmare somehow, cause i can "hold out" for a while, but then i get anxiety over not being able to sleep! And then its impossible. Id like to state that i normally sleep really well and have zero problems with either falling asleep or going to sleep. I went to a doctor and was prescribed a sleeping medication, however its addictive and cannot be taken daily. I dont feel that it has helped all that much either, so i try to go to bed unmedicated. But this has taken such a toll on me! I cant be my normal self and get better when i dont sleep.
How long can this go on for really? I have had it in the past when it endured about a month, and then one morning i awoke only to realize i had slept fine all throughout the night. Now i worry that there wont be any relief and that this will go on. I cannot work or see friends when i feel this way. Every morning my partner (who is currently) in another city texts and asks how i have slept. I start crying and say that its been the same again. This feels especially hard cause i cannot control it! I have gotten better at maintaining my anxiety in the daytime, and today i actually saw a little lighter on the matters. But then my worry comes back that i wont be able to sleep.
I need some comforting words. Anything! Im just so afraid i will die, and never get the chance to be happy again, have children, all the things i have dreamt of :´( I have saved a whole lot of money in the past, planning travels ahead and such, now i just feel like i could go throw it all in the sea. Nothing matters anymore, if i cant just feel like the normal regular me!
I try to relax and go through each body part thinking im safe and sound in my bed and nothing can harm me. But its like it doesnt help and then i lose hope. Im trying to do good..
Is this some "phase" that the mind has to go through when you have acute anxiety? I have never suffered before for months on end or any such thing. If i were to know that for example in 2 weeks time- you will sleep fine, then i could endure ANYTHING. Its just the doubts and the fears that things wont ever feel normal again. A sidenote too is that when i have anxiety i dont "feel like myself"? Is that normal? Its like i have this totally different outlook on things i never had before. Like i have "gotten lost" in my own mind, I do find this so scary! What if i cant find my way back?
Just ask me if there is anything unclear. Im not currently seeing somebody to talk to, so this forum is all i have more or less.
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