Anxiety causing problems in my relationship
Posted , 3 users are following.
I need to give a little background before I can really ask my question. Ever since I was little I've had pretty bad anxiety. It's never been constant but more off and on. I can go months or even years without ever feeling anxious but when I do get it, it's horrible and can last for weeks. But it's been especially bad recently. Not long ago, I entered into the best relationship I've ever had. I've always been bad with relationships and none have ever lasted longer than 2 months. So when my current boyfriend and I started dating in December, I was really worried I would just fall out of it and end it. When January came around, it was time for me to start college for the first time. I had a lot of anxiety from it and I ended up putting thoughts into my head that I wanted to end my relationship. We went through about a week of crying and being scared we were going to break up. I thought I didn't like him anymore and that I didn't want to be with him but this was just my anxiety talking. And to be honest, I feel I did fall out of it a bit but we worked through it and stayed together. I ended up falling madly in love with him and I even lost my virginity to him. He was my world and my everything. We were so happy until recently I started to get anxiety again. It's currently April and we'll be having a 4 month anniversary on the 20th. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like I don't like him anymore but there's no reason for me to think these things. I know it's just my anxiety telling me these things because that's exactly how it was last time. I know I love him and want to be with him but my anxiety makes me think I want to break up. Him and I are very honest with each other so I told him I was feeling all of these things again and it just tore him apart to hear all these things again. I feel so bad doing this to him. I know I care for him but sometimes I just don't feel anything towards him. Having these thoughts makes me feel really guilty. I want to feel in love all the time but I know I can't. That's just not possible. But I don't want to have to go through this horrible anxiety every couple months thinking I want to break up. I don't know what's wrong or what to do. My anxiety has caused me to throw up 7 times yesterday because of how bad I feel. I know I love him but I just don't have feelings for him right now. And I know I don't want to break up. That would be a horrible choice. Do we just need to work together to rekindle things? And what should I do to help my anxiety and stop myself from getting this again? I have a doctors appointment for tomorrow but it's just going to be a short one to make sure I'm not too sick from throwing up too much. Then I have a follow up scheduled for next week to do some tests and make sure I don't have some sort of imbalance. I don't know. I'm just really scared for what's gonna happen to my boyfriend and I. I know I love him. I just don't feel it. Any help would be nice. Thank you. I'm sorry it's long.
1 like, 2 replies
callianne_65675 metalgal
Posted
Hi Metalgal
I suffer from really bad anxiety too. I was diagnosed eventually with a few psychiatric illness eventually after years and years. (I'm much older than you and due to my issues had less than perfect relationships).
I also feel 'out of love' with my current boyfriend, then 'in love' again. So tread carefully. You don't want him to feel insecure in the relationship you know?
Have you spoken to him openly about your anxiety and how it makes you feel in general? Often, we take it out on those closest to us. Also, if there are issues in the relationship that we don't deal with, we can feel like it's not working out, but a real relationship does take a bit of work and commitment. Relationships are harder than keeping plants! but similar, they need lots of watering and attention.
In my younger days I even had difficulty loving a pet for extended periods. I know, sounds odd, but true. I'd want to give the pet away, can you imagine?
Talk to him, be open, say that your anxiety makes you feel off balance, you make rash decisions? you are scared or fearful of the relationship/life/whatever. He might be relieved and turn out to be a solid support to you.
Also talking about it helps you to see inside yourself and understand yourself a bit better. I am only talking from experience, not offering advice, since I don't know either of you, you know! I can relate though. I am ignoring my boyfriend right now as he is annoying me. Sometimes I just need space, a breather.
metalgal callianne_65675
Posted
Hey callianne! Thanks so much for your response! It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets these feelings. I am very open with my boyfriend. He is very aware of my anxiety and how it makes me act. It's just whenever I start to feel anxious and start to doubt the relationship, he does too. There really doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the relationship though aside from my anxiety issues. We get along really well and have lots of fun together. That's why I always get confused when my anxiety kicks up and wants me to break up with him. And the thing is, once my anxiety leaves, I have to fall for him all over again. This makes me feel bad because I know I love him I just really don't feel anything sometimes. I also went to the doctor today and they prescribed me with Zoloft. Hopefully that will help me out.