Anxiety, depression, abortion and betrayal

Hi Nelly1991,

We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

Kindest regards

Patient

Hi Nelly l have just read your post and my heart breaks for you.l really believe you were and probably still are in love with a very callous, manipulative person.Please do not harm yourself you need intensive therapy and probably medication to help you with all the emotional trauma you are going through.You are probably thinking you will never get over this but you will come to terms with what you are going through but you really do need a lot of support at this time.

Do not dwell on your decision to have an abortion.   Nature aborts herself all the time.  Put it behind you now.   Resolve to cherish yourself and never go with any man who does not live up to your expectations, it takes a long time to find out about someones character that is why long engagements are a good thing.  Sit down and write out what you want to happen in your lift, learn a skill perhaps and start again.   We learn from our mistakes and nobody on Earth has ever lived without making a mistake.   Thousands of women through the ages have been in your position.   Say to yourself 'My name is ..... and I have the courage to live a happy life..You have had a lucky escape from a person who sounds awful so just feel sorry for the person who will eventully end up with him and be thankful it was not you.

 

Dear Nelly,

You have been through a nightmare. It sounds like you're still in the nightmare, and I'm not surprised, reading what you've been through.

I too have had suicidal thoughts in the last year. Please get some help immediately if you have a definite plan for suicide. Although hopefully your life and situation will improve, your immediate situation is what is vitally important right now. See your doctor and remember to call Samaritans if you need to talk through any feelings of desperation.

I do hope that things will get better in time. Stay with us. Many of us here have been in awful situations and we are here for you.

I have no advice. You are plagued by guilt and until you forgive yourself you will not make any progress. Keep going to therapy and worry about you. Make sure you are honest with your therapist. What your man did to you is equal to mental abuse and it's going to take time to get over. Unfortunately everything hit you all in a very short period of time and it's overwhelming for anyone. Don't give up. Life is worth living and someone better for you could be right around the corner once you regain your self esteem. 

Hey nelly i know exactly how ur feeling. I went through the exact same thing. But this was 30 years ago. Get help for ur anxiety now. U will learn to deal with it and move on (never forgotten though). I'm now married to a lovely guy fir 25 years and got 3 kids. It does get easier. When i was younger and it happened there was no patient privacy. I was told by the doc "if u don't tell your parents by Friday, ill tell them". It was hard and i suffered from what i now know was anxiety. I've had anxiety is fir 30 odd years. Tried to deal with on my own but have now decided to take a stand against it. Please promise u will seek some help

Hi Nelly,

He is not worth your love or you. You are not stupid you believed him, you trusted him. That is not being stupid. I too made a huge mistake by marrying the wrong man, I know how you feel. Now many years later I realise I was just naive. You believed him, you loved him, he said he loved you but it was meaningless words he said.

You've had your heart broken, you've been betrayed by a heartless selfish piece of work. Please don't end your life because of him, you are a better person than he will ever be.

I know it's hard to come to terms with, I know the pain of losing a baby. I too was was victim of a ruthless selfish man who didn't want the baby even though I was married to him. He was a mummy's boy and mummy was a woman who didn't want to lose her precious son. I called her the poison dwarf, she was short and fat. I was young slim and beautiful, she was jealous of me, she poisoned his mind against me. After the divorce I felt stupid and very naive. However I was not those things, a woman much older than me helped me see him and things as they were.

Each morning when you get up, look in the mirror and see a good woman, a loving woman who was betrayed. Tell yourself you are good and intelligent. You are all those things, one day the right man will come into your life and love you for whom you are. Kind and wonderful.

Take care of yourself, each new day is a step in the right direction. You do have a future ahead of you. You have more love and kindness in your little finger than he will ever have in him.

Take care

Loretta

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. What an awful and heart breaking thing to go through. Don't beat yourself up; you're being too hard on yourself. We all have to make difficult decisions sometimes, but I think things happen for a reason. Things happen, we all have regrets but we can't let them consume us and way away at us. You need to learn to forgive yourself and see the other side of the coin. You don't know how different things might have been if you'd had the baby. Having a baby at a young age, without the support of the father can be extremely tough. As much as you feel love for the baby, sometimes that love isn't enough and you have to think of whether the environment is right. I have mental health issues and if I got pregnant I would have an abortion because my mental health issues wouldn't be fair on the child and I wouldn't cope. Even though I would love the child, me keeping it wouldnt be in it's its best interests. We all make choices for a reason. Maybe somewhere deep down you knew it wouldn't be a good idea to have the baby with this guy.

Are you having counselling? If not, you really should go to counselling if you aren't, especially counselling specifically about abortion. Marie Stopes specialises in abortion counselling.

Don't beat yourself up about this and dont blame yourself. Having an abortion isn't murder and it doesn't make you a bad or evil person despite what this pro life propaganda would lead you to believe.