Anxiety for 10 years and getting worse

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I had a traumatic experience during my childhood and it seems I have maybe learnt maladaptive ways of coping and reacting to events from this period in my life. I seem to go through waves of being introverted and extroverted, maybe for 6 months I go out a lot, drink, make friends easily, feel confident in myself and then when I am in a relationship my anxiety peaks, I put on weight, self esteem hits rock bottom and I start doubting myself. I am now in a relationship with somebody who treats me very well and am considering moving to Vietnam from London with him after having a great 3 months travelling together but for the past 10 months my anxiety has got worse. Its getting to the point where I feel like throwing up in the morning, appetite is erratic, I constantly think he is going to leave me, crying randomly, I can't trust him and think he may be having a better time with other people elsewhere. This is ruining my life and I feel like I am going through each day with no sense of self or direction. The anxiety has stopped me going out and even just a simple bbq to meet his friends sends me into panic attacks and lack of sleep. I have been on various medications and nothing has helped. My last resort is seeing a counsellor which I just started last week. She mentioned that I may have borderline personality disorder, be codependent and have very high anxiety.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through something traumatic in their childhood and has developed some form of disorder/anxiety becuase of this? How have you moved on? Have you had a string on broken relationships?

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    What kind of counciling are you getting? Cognative Analytical Therapy (CAT) is good at looking at your childhood to try and map that onto maladaptive bevahiour. I used to get terrible anxiety with catastophising. Every concievable worry would end in my wife leaving me and growing old alone and mentally unwell. I didn't have the erratic behaviour you do, I was just anxious all the time. It got so bad I became suicidal. I did not have a terrible childhood in some ways, I wasn't abused in the traditional sense but I was neglected by my parents and my father allways behaved as if I was somebody else's child which he would frequently claim. My mother was just absent emotionally. I have Generalised anxiety disorder, some form of mood disorder and an unspecified personality disorder but with narcacistic tendancies. Much of this had been attributed to my childhood by my therapist and psychiatrist.

    In many ways I have moved on. I'm much better now than 2 years ago when I had a breakdown. Medication has helped me, I take a high dose of Venlafaxine and an anti-psychotic that have helped with the anxiety but has probably done little for my personality disorder. CAT therapy also helped me I think.

    Fortunately I have not had a string of broken relationships, I am married and have been for the last 20 years or so.

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  • Posted

    Have you ever been diagnosed with ptsd? Many peoole have had a traumatizing event or events in their childhood. You are not alone with that at all. Yes people have and can move on from it. Therapy would be in your best interest. If you have not seen a therapist to date you should get a referral and go.
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  • Posted

    Hey! Your swings from being introvert-extrovert reminds me of me so much! And I'm feeling like two weeks well and want to go out and have a boyfriend, laugh a lot, but then I'm feeling awful, cry a lot, become so paranoid and don't want to meet any friend... like don't trust anyone. My family have told me that they are tired of this "mood swings".. So I know that weird feelings... I don't know if i have some kind of traumatic event in childhoot but i remember some very bad situations... I honestly think that CAT therapy can be great help for you. It sound like Borderline and anxiety at the same time, but you can feel better, just give yourself time and hope. ??

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  • Posted

    Oh my goodness. Instead of seeing  a counselor,you should be seeing your family doctor. You need a antidepressant. I am not seeing anything here to where you have borderline personality disorder. You just have bad anxiety, and it will get worse, and worse. You can talk, and talk,but this is not going to be talked away. I have always been a nervous child with migrains, and I grew up to be a anxiety ridden adult. I had  parents that were never home, and Iwas scared all the time. I had some bad things in my childhood too. You need to pull youself up by the boot straps, and make the call to your doctor and get yourself squared away, if you want a happy life, and to move forward. Get rid of your counselor, for he, or she will not make you better. I have been on meds, and will be till the day I die, but I feel good,and that's all I care about. Hope you take this to heart. Maybe your string of broken relationship is because you can not get it together. We are usless when we are out of wack. It's up to you. 

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