Anxiety. Guilt. Feeling like a bad person

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At times in my life I have months on end where thoughts and bad memories repeat over and over in my head. I have constant headaches. Blurry. Low energy. Depressed. Feeling like I am a really evil and bad person... doubting myself, not knowing who I am.

I remember things that I have done in the past be it 8 years ago... or 1 year ago.. and I obsess about these mistakes and make myself feel so terrible. I also think of times when I have been drunk at a hens or celebration and cannot remember the night and I wonder if I have kissed someone and cheated on my partner and just not remembered. I am not sure what I am capable of. Is this anxiety? I am punishing myself over all of this. I know that I have been black out drunk before and my husband said I kissed someone... (not married at the time) I am paranoid I am a cheater deep down and I will do this stuff... I feel sick about it all.

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  • Posted

    I understand.  I have gone through a divorce 7 years ago and there are times, now that things replay in my head like it is on 'repeat'.  This racing mind has plagued me for many years now.  I also have 'obsessed' about mistakes, bad judgements.  I'm a woman of faith and this has been the only thing sometimes that has helped.  I'm trying to learn how to take my thoughts 'captive' and keep the past in the past.  This is the whole essence of my anxiety.  I know that.  I pray and hope that you know that what is past is past.  You can't change the past.  I read a quote by Oprah that says, "Forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a different past."  I repeat those words over and over when my mind takes me back to those places.  Just live for today, or at least try.

     

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  • Posted

    we all do silly things when we are drunk. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions so we behave as we want to without consequences.  So don't obsess it was a drunk moment where you lost your inhibitions and that is nothing to feel guilty about believe me it happens too often. If you can't remember don't bother trying to. Hope that helps your worries.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    I can't tell you how much I can relate to this post. I do the same thing on a daily basis. 

    I will obsess over these bad memories of mistakes I've made in the past and convince myself that it means I'm a terrible person that doesn't deserve the things that make me happy.

    Whenever I get drunk or drink a little too much, I also analyze everything I did the morning after. If I can't remember certain points of the night, I will worry that I could have done something terrible and embarassing too. I get a little flirty when I drink so I also have the fear of cheating on my fiancé when I don't want to.

    Although I feel for you that you struggle with these issues, It was a relief to read that there was someone else who has the same kind of problems with their anxiety disorder like I do.  

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    • Posted

      Hi Mary,

      Just wondering how you're doing & I wanted to know if you found a way to deal with this problem.. I have the EXACT same issues and I'm sick and tired that it's taking such kind of control over my life. I realised that I don't enjoy life due to my negative thoughts and feelings & because I'm constantly worrying about every single thing I did or not do... So any advice would be appreciated... :-) 

      Kind regards,

       

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  • Posted

    don't punish yourself a bad person would never have worried about that only a good person does. Well you can't change the past but you can make tomorrow better don't do the same mistakes again that's all you have to do nothing complicated .

    may God be with you

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