Anxiety is ruining my life

The best thing to do first is become aware of your physiology, or the very real physical symptoms you're experiencing. They are there. It isn't necessarily a symptom of anything else but if you fear it is, you should consult your GP. If you have physical checks and they eliminate the problem (ECG for heart, etc) then you should put it down to anxiety.

Anxiety comes because your brain is creating a 'fear' in your mind, and as with anything that creates fear, you become anxious.

The anxiety, usually, starts in your chest, so you begin to breathe faster and your chest becomes tense (as a muscle would if it is being exercised). Your lungs need more oxygen and no greater way of getting oxygen around your body is by blood. Blood gets to your lungs faster when your heart pumps it quicker, so your heart rate increases.

The lungs are working hard now. They are communicating with your brain asking for more help. Your brain helps by asking your heart for support. So the heart is working harder than it normally would to the point where it needs help from your brain again.

Your brain can't cope with both having a go at it asking for support - you get symptoms such as perspiration, pains in your chest, tingling in your arms, toes and fingers. So your brain panics and makes mistakes.

Your brain then tells you to react accordingly – panic.

The panic says, “focus on your heart; why is it faster? Why are my arms tingling? Why does my chest hurt?”. Your brain says, through duress and under pressure, “I'm having a heart attack; I'm going to die!”

You're not. Just stop and think before your lungs tell your brain that they need oxygen, fast. Focus on your breathing.

How to deal with anxiety is subjective and it depends on how disciplined you are in being able to set yourself space and time to be able to perform breathing exercises rather than rely on medication being there for you to help you. 3 things I've found are the most helpful - 1. Guided Meditation, 2. Mindfulness and Awareness, 3. The '7 to 11 Breathing Technique'

Guided meditation, first of all, is quite structured and disciplined in the sense you have somebody there guiding you through the process of meditation (obviously) and you don't want to disturb others doing it at the same time - but similarly expect others to respect you whilst you do it.

Mindful and awareness can often come hand in hand with guided meditation. Through mindfulness and awareness, you become aware of where you are and most importantly what your body is physically experiencing. In focusing on these feelings (chest pain, shortness of breath, pins and needles) by breathing them in, in a controlled manner, by breathing them out you are effectively telling your brain and body to breathe these pains out too, and they will eventually go away.

The 7 to 11 breathing technique is when you breathe into your lungs through your mouth, nose or both, until your lung capacity is completely full - it may even hurt; you may use parts of your lungs you've never used before - and hold your breath for 7 seconds. Following this, you purse your lips as though you were blowing out a candle and gradually exhale until your lungs are empty. You hold this for 11 seconds and don't take another breath.

Keep doing this for as long as you want. The longer, the better. During the exercise you might experience forms of euphoria; your fingers may tingle, your head may feel slightly dizzy - this is good; this is tension unburdening itself off you; don't worry about it. Instead, focus on it and treat it as a good feeling.

With all of this, it will not be an immediate cure. Mindfulness and awareness courses, and meditation classes take time to book and when you go to them, both take patience to master. The 7 to 11 breathing technique you can perform whenever you want.

My advice would be to understand for the first two you won't get anywhere this week but if you take steps now to look into them and how practical it is to do them, by the end of the week you may be on the right track.

When you see your GP, tell him you want some treatment for the PTSD, not just CBT or counselling but to see a specialist who deals with PTSD. There should be one in your local mental health team. The reason is that you need to process through the terrible loss that you have had. Sometimes these traumatic events get 'stuck' and need to be released with the right support and expertise. There are techniques that help with this but you need to get hold of a specialist. If it is a long waiting list, and you can afford it, it might be worth going private to save time. If you get nowhere with your GP then contact CRUSE bereavment care. They are a low cost support network across the country, there should be one near you. They have a lot of experience where death is concerned and should be able to put you on the right track.

Meanwhile, you are definately not having a heart attack, but you do have some anxiety. Look at other posts on this forum. There is a lot of info there. There are hundreds of thousands of people suffering just as you are (anxiety problems are actually very common) right at this very moment, and probably the most common experience is feeling you are having a heart attack (which you are not) or thinking you are going mad (which you are not). You will be OK, it's just the effects of your body being flooded with adrenaline, and that's all.

I am so sorry about the loss of your son, it is a hard blow to receive. Be kind to yourself as much as possible and let yourself off the hook as much as you can. When my family died unexpectantly (mum, dad and wife) I felt responsible and guilty, which is a natural feeling to have, but is not true.

big hug xxx