anxiety is ruining my life please help
Posted , 5 users are following.
this is long but please read. ok so heres my story, in august I came down with a massive case of mononucleosis and missed the first two months of my senior year in high school (it was a really bad case of mono). well I had a MASSIVE brain fog from the mono and it made going to school and doing things extremely stressful and hard. skip to November, one day I felt a little pain in my left rib (where my spleen was swollen 2 months prior) and I immediately thought I was having a mono relapse. I was at school and I just felt like death and not right so I went home and got my mom to get me a doctors appointment. well I went to the doctor and he said I was fine but I didn't believe him. so I went home and got in bed and had a HUGE panic attack. my body went completely numb I was shaking and my hands were purple and I thought my spleen ruptured. I went to the em emergency room and they did a sonogram and did blood tests and said I was 100% fine and it was probably anxiety. I went home and continued to be a state of panic attacks. FOR LIKE 5 DAYS. it was hell on earth, I didn't want to be alive, I didn't want to be dead, I just wanted to feel normal again. well my parents ( thank God for them they are amazing) they gave me a talk and motivated me to somehow get out of it. sort of. this happened in November. it is now January and life is still a struggle. I feel BRAIN DEAD from the anxiety and have derealization and feel like I'm in a dream and just want to feel myself again. I cannot do things normally or enjoy them at least without this anxiety creeping up in the back of my mind. I have been going to counseling for about a month and it has helped but today I just had a massive breakdown. I am a pretty big guy and I'm 17 6'0 about 180, look good, play baseball, and have life going great. but this is so depressing having to deal with it everyday. I have felt so "off" since the anxiety and that feeling of "off" and confusion makes me have anxiety which creates more "off" feeling. I have a hard time remembering things and I just don't feel right. I have had a decent week with dealing with it but I came home from counseling today and just absolutely broke down. I don't even know why. like this isn't me why would I cry about anxiety? I feel so hopeless and just not right and the anxiety is so much to deal with and my mom works her butt off trying to help me and I'm so screwed up in the head I have to come home and cry and tell her about all I'm feeling and she is talking about college and stuff and its so stressful and depressing. I WANT TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN DAMN IT 😭😭😭 the anxiety messes with my head so much and I don't feel right I dont even know why. I am currently a week and a half Into 10mg of lexapro and idek if its working. I'm so scared and so p****d off that I have to feel this way. my mind obsesses about how I feel 24/7 and I can't seem to enjoy life. I want to feel normal again so bad [sad] I'm sitting behind the screen of my brand new Mac crying my eyes out and can't even seem to get excited about it. I feel like I'm disappointing my mom by not being able to get out of this and I love her so much it makes me so sad to see her watch her son go through this I don't know what to do. somebody please help I am so scared and lost. I just want my life back😭😔😩😭
0 likes, 8 replies
keandra_96450 yyy1000
Posted
So sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been dealing with some similar since 2010 I thought I was alone for a long time until I joined this website and read other people stories it gave me some kind of relief but I want to be 100% myself again, I done let it take over my mind 😩 it’s the worst!
Pudge3123 keandra_96450
Posted
Pudge3123 yyy1000
Posted
I've experienced the same exact thing! It was to the point I thought I was losing my mind and the doctors didn't know what they were talking about. I was 19 when I started having those attacks. My doctor started me out on 20 mg of paxil. At first I didn't think it was working. My life was a living Hell, so bad I didn't even care to live. After about 3 weeks on the paxil I started feeling myself again. Please don't let no one tell u that u can't be helped because u can. It just takes time and I know its horrible feeling that way but just hang in there. It could always be worst. I promise just stay consistent with your meds. I wish u the best.
ab0225 yyy1000
Posted
First, lexapro will take a little bit of time to work, so know that some relief might be just around the corner. I know it’s not exactly what you want to hear, but if the lexapro doesn’t work, there are MANY other medications that you and your doctor can try. If you aren’t going to a psychiatrist, I recommend trying to find one (as opposed to getting prescriptions from a GP).
The main thing I want to tell you is that THIS IS NOT PERMANENT. There are things that can and will change for you, and you won’t feel like this for forever. Keep trying knowing there are literally thousands of interventions. You may have to find the right person, right meds, and right plan, which can be tiring, but this does not have to be the rest of your life.
yyy1000 ab0225
Posted
yyy1000 ab0225
Posted
yyy1000 ab0225
Posted
ab0225 yyy1000
Posted
That does make it hard, but the good news is that you're likely only a few months away from being able to make your own medical decisions (when you're 18). There are also some herbal/over the counter remedies that may be able to help if your mom is more open to them. It sounds lke having your parents' support is really important to how you feel and your sense of safety, so I understand wanting to align your interventions with your mom's wishes. I recently read an article that placebos ARE actually quite effective for some interventions, especially when they're paired with a supportive provider. There are obviously people on these forums who have legitimate frustrations or fears over various anxiety medications. All I can tell you about that is that finding the right professional to work with you will make a big difference and you'll come to the right decision on your own! With my permission, my parents came to a few sessions with counselors/psychs when I was younger (18/19) who helped them understand a bit where I was coming from and help them understand the medical perspective on medications. Personally, I have found medications to be central to my success; both mood stabilizers as well as occasionally some form of "emergency" medication (ativan/klonopin/etc.)--just knowing I have these has made a big difference. Everyone's body chemistry and mental relationship with meds is different, so just communicate openly with your providers and be honest about how you're feeling mentally and physically.
To hopefully give you some further hope! I almost dropped out of college due to my anxiety, and I thought there would be no way out. Toward the end of my first semester I was able to find a medication and therapy combination that made life bearable (it was a bit longer before I was fully functioning, but I got there!). Now I'm in my 30's and have a law degree and another master's degree and graduated from my undergrad on time with multiple academic and extracurricular awards--although my first semester I was paralyzed in a ball on my dorm room bed begging to leave. So there is hope!! I think knowing there is hope can sometimes be the thing you need to keep working, trying, and being open-minded.
I am struggling with my anxiety now, but I know I have resources (including this forum) to help me and I know that there CAN be solutions. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking you'll be the person/type of person who is stuck here for your whole life or who things won't work for. Ultimately my mindset, I have found personally, is really critical to how managing things goes. I want to be clear that I am not minimizing the way you or anyone else is feeling, or suggesting that anyone isn't trying hard enough; I just want to make sure you know you have a lot of lifelines.