Anxiety is ruining my relationship

Posted , 2 users are following.

Hi all,

I've been suffering with anxiety for just over a year and I've been with my partner for just under 6months.

I 'warned' him of this from the outset and was suprised to hear he had battled with it in the past and he had come through the other side.

He helps me and tells me all the things I should do, sometimes I feel hopeless as I can't take the advice although I want to.

I've become very needy and insecure, arguments start and escalate pretty quickly and it's all down to me and how I feel... I push and push and push him and I really don't mean any of it, I always have warped thoughts and feelings of inadequacy ...

I take Kalms and rescue remedy, I don't want to take drugs . Counsellors have been all about finding the cause of my anxiety and not helping me cure myself, they try and analyse everything I say and then say' oh you're anxious because of xy and z' - I've not found them helpful, they try and put you in a box, and I won't fit! (I've seen 5 and they've all given me different route causes anyway..)

I work in banking and have a stressful commute, some days it gets so bad I cry my eyes out on the tube as I have panic attacks and my legs turn to jelly.

My relationship is suffering because of me, it's not healthy to pick on your closest people and I feel like I may lose him one day if I carry on like this, he understands it's down to anxiety but how much arguing and stress can he take? At times he has anxiety following an argument, I feel so so guilty. Please help

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Maybe you both can take yoga together. Helps a lot and some meditation on board is very useful. Mindful excerses can bring your body some peace. This is a very difficult disorder to unravel but many do learn to manage it. 

    The jelly legs dumbfound me. I have given that a lot of thought during my own anxiety attacks. Makes no sense either as it is a survivor mode fight or flight thing.but severely common. I think some run and some freeze by their own primitive nature. I read a book from this weekes woman in anxiety and your nerves who talk about jelly legs a lot. She insists they will still works even when they feel like that. The bloods rushing from your limbs to your organs to keep them going and safe in the supposed danger. Its a cause and effect adrenaline thing in some people,

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    • Posted

      I think I'm too impatient for yoga, tried it ages ago and found it didn't help... I also tried mindfulness and videos and things like that, I think I'm feeling too impatient for it, if that makes sense... i realise that a quick cure doesn't help but maybe trying it together may be different.. I just feel hopeless ... it's so awful

      Thanks for your reply, means a lot 🙂

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    • Posted

      Dont feel hopeLess i promise this stuff is manageable. It has its times it gets very bad but it does pass. I feel like i have been thru a heap of hills and valleys with this disorder over the decades it has come and gone. I dont know what the real cause is but i do know what has helped me. impatient is bad. I dont know any other word for it. Its like the gaurds blocking the anxiety bullies in your mind and body. Thats a visual. Maybe impatient is a part of it, i dont know. Theres no way out by doing nothing or worse giving into it all. That much i know. Maybe you need to challenge the impatient part. Easier then the extreme fear behind it. With your friend try the yoga again. Learn to slow down. Once you can slow everything down you can one by one conquer this. Your body will be so grateful. I know its hard. I know it is very very debilitating at times and it kills logic most of the time but you have a lot of life to go and it needs to be happy times, or even just content times. Change is needed. Change is a must here. Instant gratification is just not possible at all. Maybe one day they will figure out how to reset all this but until then you are the only one who can manage this.
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