Anxiety is taking over my life :( This is long PLZ HELP
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I apologize ahead for all that I’ve been posting in this forum, but I just need somewhere to vent and maybe some common sense knocked into me.
For the past 3-4 months, my anxiety has been getting worse and worse and I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like I’m driving everyone around me crazy. I don’t want to stress my parents out, as my dad is already disabled. I don’t want to stress my BF out, when we started dating I was so full of life and we love each very much but I feel like all this panic and these symptoms will drive him away as he has his own family issues that he stresses about.
I’m crying as I type this because I really just want to get better and be who I was before. The last time my anxiety was this bad was when I was 19-21. I am not 28 and I don’t know why or how it became this bad again.
Basically for the past 2 months I have been in and out drs office, been going atleast once a week to get examined or some type of lab/testing done. I feel like an idiot because I can’t think with logic and feel like a loser (idk a better way to word it)
I have been through some health things within the past year
-July 2023: had bumps in the genital areas that cleared with medication tested negative for all STD/STI
-Oct/Nov 2023 discovered swollen lymph node under chin, did blood work and ultrasound, but results were not concerning and pretty normal
-Dec 2023 had ultrasound and blood work done on thyroid, blood work stable and ultrasound didn’t show any growth to my nodules on my thyroid(have hypothyroidism and was diagnosed in 2018, currently taking synthroid)
-Dec 2023 Strained my back, ended up going to ER due to intense muscle spasms, I thought I would never recover because of how bad the pain was. I was hard turning my neck at that time I thought I had something more serious
-Jan 2024 dx with cold and bronchitis went to the ER and a week later I saw a resident physician in my primary care doctors office because I didn’t believe the ER and I had also developed a headache and noticed more swollen lymph nodes.
-Jan 2024 noticed small bumps in genital area again but is was different from July 2023 and I stressed myself to believe I had a STD/STI but nurse practitioner dx with clogged hair follicles/pores
-Jan 2024/Feb 2024 When I had got sick I noticed the left side of my neck was more swollen or bigger than the right so I started to examine myself, when my cold ended it didn’t seem swollen so I figured it was either a swollen lymph node or just irritated muscles from the coughing. But within the past week I had another urge to examine myself and actually brought it up to my PCP last Wednesday (01/30) she felt my neck and didn’t notice anything concerning but thinks my neck muscles on the left side is tense, but I can’t shake the feeling What if I have a tumor? I also developed this random ear pain that comes and goes since yesterday. What if a tumor is pressing against my ear? What if it’s cancerous? Or what if I have an infection, that’s gonna make me go septic? I read that neck/head tumors can cause ear aches, and swelling.
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jan34534 shay37954
Posted
When we get sick very often, the lymph nodes in the neck will enlarge. That’s because they are fighting off the infection. I used to get those a lot anytime I got a virus. They may not even be swollen. It just might be the muscle in your neck from tension.
Everything that has happened has turned out OK. It was nothing serious. Over thinking and what? If thinking can drive a person crazy! Are used to do that all the time but I stopped because it wasn’t based on reality. Only fear. And I decided I wasn’t going to allow fear to control my life.
Once I get a yearly physical and find out everything was OK, then I just lived my life. I let all the worries go. I was wasting my life with fear and my life was passing me by and I wasn’t enjoying it.
99.9% of the things we worry about never actually happen. Our thoughts are very powerful and we have to take control of them or they will take control of us.
you are fine. Give things time to settle down.
listen to Joanne asmr on YouTube. She has the most soothing and reassuring voice ever! She has several videos on there. All really good. Feel better.