Anxiety like a parasite

I had a hysterectomy with all taken except part of an ovary, and have suffered with hypothyroidism for 20+ years. Because of this I missed all of the little signs of peri-menopause. So everything took me by surprise. At a guess I am around 10 months post. YIPPEE!

Looking back I do not recognise the raving lunatic I was for the best part of 9 months early last year. I think now the anxiety fuelled and fed my symptoms like a parasite draining me of who I was. Once I had finished being tested and probed being investigated for every horrible disease I thought I had and finally accepted it was hormones and menopause I realised I needed some help, I am not sure whether it made a difference but I was also dealing with the sudden passing of my beloved husband aged just 52 so maybe I was a bit more vulnerable. So I started seeing a counsellor, it didn’t rid of my symptoms but helped me cope better with them, so the anxiety gradually eased followed by the rest of the hideous hormone related mess.

The symptoms I remember are as follows as far as I can recall.

No appetite – Eat nothing for weeks on end, just sipped water and ice chips.

Weight loss- lost nearly 2 stone

Nausea- constant day & night

Belching- awful indigestion despite not eating

Insomnia- totally unable to fall or stay asleep got maybe 3 hours a night if lucky

Night sweats- OMG drenched need I say more

Heat Intolerance- This was weird I felt warm all the time normally cold because of my thyroid, couldn’t bear even a warm shower it had to be cold, the hair-dryer was an absolute no no.

Flushes- Lasted forever just finish one then start another, either with or without the sweats. No triggers only very sensitive to temperature to surroundings

Difficulty Swallowing/Eating- Like a lump stuck in throat even taking meds was hard because of gagging but was only actually sick a couple of times

Tiredness/Exhaustion- probably mainly due to lack of sleep

Emotional/Depressive- moods were down and very weepy. If I didn’t have such wonderful kids not sure I would bothered trying probably just ended it all ( hate to admit that now)

Confusion/difficulty focusing- very light headed and dazed feeling

IBS like symptoms- obsessed with keeping diary of BM

Palpitations- happened a lot

Chest tightness- very uncomfortable of course I had angina and heart disease, this was definitely anxiety

Pounding heart – I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and hear it in my ears

tremors/shakes- Shaking externally and internally. The external was like a constant shiver, internal was like an inner bouncing very hard to explain

restlessness- couldn’t relax or sit still

anxiety- WOW never been an anxious person but this was just awful I was googling every little symptom, this made every other symptom worse and lots of crossover symptoms of anxiety itself.

Panic Attacks- Again never had one before very scary, got so I was afraid to go out, talk to anyone or make or receive calls

tachycardia (100-140)- due to anxiety

headaches- terrible pounding

head zaps- would happen day and night like a shock in head

feeling something wrong- convinced I had something terminal, Feeling detached from reality

Dry mouth-couldn’t quench thirst no matter how much I drank.

I think the worst symptoms were around the time of M day then after each 3 month intervals things gradually improved. Just like a thunderstorm coming you hear it coming there is a frenzy then gradually it fades and settles like ripples in the water the further away you go the calmer it is.

Now I am me again in the words of Lewis Carroll “ I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then”.

Hope this helps someone.

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