Anxiety making me overthink my relationship

Hi, Quietgamer:  Has this man made a commitment to you, or are you just assuming that you two are exclusive.  Honey, I'm very experienced on cheating men. My first husband, after 15 years and two daughters, left me high and dry for a very ugly woman with money...After that, I married again, only to find out that my husband tried to moleste my older daughter...after that, I found Mr. Right, but he developed a brain tumor and passed away right before we were to get married.(not his fault)..Now, here's the clincher...I had a committed relationship with a man that I loved very much.  We were together 14 yrs.  Just a few months ago, his behavior changed, and I did some investigations and it turns out he was living with another woman and me at the same time.  I went ballistic on him one night, and nearly killed him when I found out....I'm done...I may find another man but I will NEVER trust him...Don't expect too much out of any man, sweetie, or you will end up crying your eyes out all the time like I have in every single relationship....Why don't you act like you just don't care about him, and if he cares about you he will come back and you two can be together....Sometimes they feel like you are trying to pin them down..they are weird creatures...If you need to message me...I'll be here....ALONE.....HUGS...

Hello.

I totally agree with carole.

Darling, don't call yourself 'just a plain girl'.

Maybe he IS cheating on you. I'll tel you one thing, though - men don't like feeling pursued in the early stages of a relationship.

If you only see him one day a week, is it the same day each week? I was wondering if he had a wife in the background and had a valid reason (for her) for not being around on this one day.

You say he's amazing, but he isn't treating you very well, so what's amazing about him?

Don't spend your time crying over this man. If he wanted to make any kind of commitment to you I think he would have made it by now.

Sorry to sound so gloomy but it isn't looking good.

DON'T LEND HIM ANY MONEY. HE COULD BE A PREDATOR WHO WANTS TO EMPTY YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

I am writing this from the perspective of having had men cheat on me, too, including my first husband.

Exactly how long have you known him?

Do what Carole has suggested - ignore him for a bit then see if he comes running back, distressed. Don't, for heaven's sake, bombard him with messages.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh - but a really amazing man would make you feel amazing and want to see you often.

Be strong. Love Tess

I'm the same way, I have a lot of anxiety with my relationship that stems back from childhood emotional abuse. Communication with him is key but don't wait, just discuss your concerns now rather than torturing yourself.

Hi Quiet - Has someone called you a "plain girl" or is that how you think of yourself? I don't believe there is anything plain about anyone - all people are a complex web of emotions, experiences and dreams. This desire for a realtionship with a man who is demonstrating a certain indifference to you in that he does not reply to you in a timely manner, that he spends only one day a week with you and then tells you to be patient - may be desire misplaced. If you are sensing that you are merely entertainment for him and that he has stated he wants to help you but is not acting on it you need to address that. 

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel and take note of his reaction - both physical and verbal. Now is the time to find out how real this connection is. It's better to be alone than to subject yourself to a master/slave relationship. You will have to be brutally honest with yourself and if the response is unsatisfactory to you then you must have time and space for yourself to re-assess and recover. No matter what one percieves about ones appearance, you are not a doormat. 

Hi, Quiet, how are things going?  You are still in my thoughts. Please post again so that we know how you're feeling, and we'll try to help you.

Love Tess