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I'm spending another sleepless night excruciatingly waiting until I have to leave for work just googling my symptoms to try to pass the time and thought I would post in this forum on the off chance someone may finally have some answers as to what I can do as I can never find anybody that can even slightly relate to what I'm dealing with.
I am 26 currently living with my girlfriend and I have had problems with nerves and social anxiety for my entire life with insomnia now being the newest problem I'm facing. It was never as bad as it is now because until a certain point about 5-6 years ago I figured I would just "grow out of it" someday. Once I realised that was not happening, my life has just been falling apart with me seeing doctors, taking many different medications and speaking to a counselled and just desperately trying to find a way to relax and be happy with nothing coming close to working.
My everyday life consists of me waking up in the morning and feeling immediately scared and nervous for no reason whatsoever, I worry about the smallest things constantly and can't focus on or accomplish anything productive most days because of this.
I have a strange relationship with other people, I have friends however don't see them much at all anymore but I have always been "the quiet one" because I rarely have much to say as I'm usually distracted by issues in my own head. This is the same with work colleagues I am the one that just quietly gets on with my work and doesn't join in with the conversations much.
Im always a bundle of nerves before EVERY work shift but for a few years it was not so bad because I worked later shifts. However I now do early morning shifts and as a result my nerves kick in around bedtime and I now can't sleep before early shifts and it's driving me insane as I now spend at least 2 days a week without sleep, I've taken sleeping tablets and copious amounts of alcohol at night to see if anything with quell my nerves and let me get a couple of hours sleep and it never works.
Ive been to the doctor probably up to 50+ times over the last 5 years and have been on so many different types of anti depressants and anxiety medication with the latest being diazepam with nothing making me feel even the tiniest bit more relaxed in my day to day life.
That's not to say I never feel relaxed, I will usually once a week have what I can only describe as a quiet mental breakdown in my head and when that happens it feels as if my body and brain will shut down for a brief period and I can finally feel relaxed for a short time and I am even better at social situations during this time, however when I sleep it off and get my energy back, my nerves and stresses are back as well and the cycle repeats and to this day that is the only time I ever feel relaxed, I never get that same sensation from medicine, alcohol or exercise.
One way my restlessness affects me is that I am more comfortable walking and pacing around than sitting or standing still and during times I am more stressed I can go out for walks of sometimes up to 10+ miles and still not feel tired. As a result of this I lost a considerable amount of weight over the last 5 years and now have a kinda weird body shape as I have skinny legs and a huskier upper body however I don't feel any physical pain.
That's all I can think of right now, I apologise for the huge wall of text, my brain just keeps going and going and I can never shut it off. If anything it might have helped a bit to just write all of that down.
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