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I've always been a person who overthinks and worries for as long as I can remember. I can be short and irritable, and wake up in a rotten mood for no reason and have a go at people and a few hours later just feel better and can see that I've been grotty so have to fix the upset I've caused.
Anyway, about 3 months ago I had a very bad car accident and it knocked me for 6. I went to the doctor and she prescribed me citalopram 20mg. Initially for the first 6 days I felt more chilled and kind of numb. I was going to bed and sleeping fine no problem.
On day 6 my health visitor came round and started to talk to me about the accident and possible psychological reasons (things to do with my past) why I had taken it soooo bad. I started talking about all the bad stuff that had happened in the past and I was retry upset and stressed. When I get upset and stressed I tend to talk fast and feel a bit wired and unreal.
Anyway, she interrupted me halfway through and said she was worried that it wasn't the right medication for me and I seemed manic. It was at that point she said that that the world kind of slipped away and I said I don't feel very well. I felt everything was out of control. I felt terrified, I lay on the settee screaming and shouting at her that I was scared. I also became rude and irritable and it didn't feel like me talking. After that I stopped the medication and from this moment I started having body shaking panic attacks, which has stopped now. I couldn't look after my children for a few weeks whilst I recovered from this episode. I needed sleep, I felt so confused, and I'd think incessantly about nothing. It mainly centred around fear of going mad and scrutinising everything I did and said for signs of mental Illness. I also did not recognise my own hands and was scared that if I looked in the mirror for too long o would realise it was someone else. I felt no connection to my face and body. My head felt like a washing machine. Now I am having racing thoughts at night, like someone is making me watch hundreds of cartoons at once. It's not letting me sleep for hours and is worse if my husband has to stay out.
I think I want to start medication, but the health visitor saying I was manic has made me scared of SSRIs and bipolar. The CMHT said I was not manic. The racing thoughts make me scared if I take them for a long time I'll lose it. The previous experience I had after citalopram is not something I can do again.
Was this side effects of the drug? Or did I have an inevitable nervous breakdown regardless of the drugs?
Anyone with any advice/ experience would be appreciated.
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