Anxiety, or something else?
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hello, I am 17 years old. Two years ago, I started grammar school, and also attended music classes in a conservatoire along with it. My schedule was intense, I was coming home late and ate very little during the day. I successfuly strived to be a top student in both schools, but it was hard on my mind and body, since there was so little time for rest and relaxation. This March, I took part in the national competition for violinists, which was very stressful, and I did badly. I was very disappointed. Not long after that, a strange thing happened. When I was in class at school, I started feeling really weird. Sort of surreal, like I was losing control of myself in a physical sense. I thought "what if I faint", but I didn't. I felt really weird, tense and nervous for the rest of the day. I was shaking, and my mind and body felt restless. It was bad, and I was freaking out because I had no idea what was happening to me. I had to force myself to lay still in bed for ten minutes so that I was calm enough to be able to fall asleep. I felt better the next day, and after that, I began to function normally again. The strange sensations didn't come back for a couple of months, and I had completely forgotten about them. Then, after I completed my second year this year, came the summer holidays. I was looking forward to finaly getting some rest. But when I was on holiday with my family, it stroke again. I just randomly started feeling nervous, tense, uneasy, restless, afraid, but I had no idea why and what of. It was really hard to describe the feeling, but I guess these adjectives provide the best possible description in words. I went on a walk and it got better, but it returned the next day at some point, this time more like feeling I was going to lose control and faint. But I didn't faint. I don't know if it's related, but I had a mild, but persistent stomach uneasiness for the rest of the day. Then, the next few days on holiday, all was ok. Like nothing had happened. It returned on the day we were driving home, in the car. It was horrible, I felt so tense and uneasy but I didn't know why, I wanted to scream and cry it out.
It's been two months since then, and I've been getting these strange moods on and off ever since. I could be feeling fine as ever for days, and then nervous, tense, uneasy for no identifiable reason for days. When I manage to distract myself, it's usually all fine - on a day when I am not feeling fine, I could be chatting and laughing with friends, playing the violin or doing schoolwork, and realizing I had completely forgotten about my weird feelings. But when I have no distraction, and even if I'm feeling normal, I am often monitoring myself and obsessing over what I'm feeling or what if the odd mood returns. I've read about my symptoms and have come across anxiety disorders, but then again I'm not scared and nervous about every situation, seeing it as dangerous. I don't go to school and fear I will get run over by a car, I don't have such irrational fears, I just find myself worrying and feeling irritated about the weird feelings I'm experiencing. I know, strange, I am nervous for being nervous. But when my strange feelings are around, events around me usually do not affect them. I don't avoid crowds, being alone, going out with friends, or doing certain things, because I know it won't worsen anything. It anything, I seek distraction, because I feel like I can't properly relax anymore, like just lay on the sofa and do nothing without feeling tense for no identifiable reason. The thought that perhaps haunts me the most is the "What if I am going to deal with this forever". I'm very scared of not being able to fully be my old-self and enjoy life anymore.
Another thing that I think I should add. Around the time when all this began, I had obssesive health worries. First, due to some weird head pain, I was afraid of a brain tumor, and the first time I suffered from these sensations at school in March, I was devastated and panicky because it added to my brain tumor symptoms list. In summer, when the sensations stroke again, I worried about having Crohn's disease due to weight loss and some abdominal problems, and I spent a large part of my days nervously googling symptoms, which usually left me in panic. It got so far one day that I felt physically ill when reading another alarming prognosis for the disease. However, I went to see the doctor and she managed to calm me down, all my test results were perfect, and she assured me I didn't have Crohn's. I haven't obsessed about it since, but my strange feeling haven't gone away, so the only worry occupying my mind right now is this anxiety or whatever I'm experiencing. This was a very long post, but if anybody has any ideas about what might be happening to me, what to do, or just anything relevant, please share. I am trying to figure out what is happening to me, why, and what to do, if anything. I am trying to come to the bottom of it - such a thing must have a cause and reason, even if I can't pinpoint it yet. On my list of possibilities are the two-year-long stress at school and conservatoire, and my obsession with health. Thank you.
0 likes, 2 replies
18o4Maggie Guest
Posted
Hello Abc80124
I am so sorry to hear that you have not been feeling too good.
I can relate to what you have said, & would suggest that you have been suffering from stress.
The good news is that you have identified that you have an issue, & should try your best to cut down your schedule & try to relax more. Spend time with friends go swimming to the gym, listen to music or go for a nice walk!
Also look on line at mindfunesss, relaxation & breathing exercises to relax.
Also do nice things, try to avoid conflict. Watch trash TV or comedies! Helps you relax!
I would also advise that you speak to your parent/guardian if you feel comfortable doing so, or to a friend. Tell them how you feel & get support & reassurance.
Hopefully this will help..
You will be ok.
Bes wishes
Maggie
Philly89 Guest
Posted
It's all anxiety related, and reading your post reminds me so much of myself when I was 19 and first began dealing with my anxiety (I'm 28 now).
First I will mention that not all anxiety is the same. I began same as you, I was confused w/ my symptoms, thought I was going nuts, didn't know what was happening. Id go out as much as possible bc I found distractions helped. Fast forward 9 years later, I'm actually opp now, I kno whats going on and what it is, but now I sometimes avoid doing things out and prefer being home bc that is where I feel safest and least nervous. Anxiety can def manifest itself in many diff ways over time and the type of anxiety u have can also depend on the person too.
2nd - I would like to address your health worries. Most people have health worries bc of a traumatic event or a loss, a death in their family, etc. For me, I experienced health anxiety after losing my MIL suddenly due to cardiac arrest. After that happened I became obsessed w/ being healthy and over sensitive to everything my body did. Every time I had bad headaches I would worry I had a tumor, and so on. I'm wondering if you can pinpoint something that maybe happened to you that could be why you had these health worries in the first place?
3rd - The symptoms you have been having lately (that uneasy, nervous feeling that comes out of nowhere), to me sounds like a panic attack. That's how my anxiety first started too. I was driving to work one day and all of sudden my heart was racing, I felt immense fear for no reason, I was sweating, lightheaded, thought I was gonna pass out or die. Eventually the feelings subsided but it still lingered in the background until I had another attack a couples months later, again for no reason. It is bc of this that I believe I have a Panic Disorder and not Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The difference between the 2 is that with GAD, you experience anxiety over things that cause stress so like w school, work, etc. but unlike others your body handles it badly n can lead to too much nervousness, causing panic attacks and prolonged anxiety feelings. Panic Disorder is opposite and begins with you having panic attacks for no reason (like me driving to work on a reg day), and then in return you experience anxiety from those attacks and now fear of having more like them. I would guess you have a Panic Disorder rather than an Anxiety disorder from what uve said above.
Moral of the story: I see a therapist and it helps me a LOT. I wish I had seen one earlier when I first had anxiety issues years ago. I highly recommend seeing one.