Anxiety or true feelings?
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hello, I am new to this 
so bare with lol. I'm 22 years old and I've been in a relationship with a caring woman for the past 9 months. She's lovely and takes care of me which is very new for me because in past relationships I've been, lied to, cheated on, emotional abuse etc.. so this is very different for me.
I suffer with Panic Disorder, GAD and Depression (mild)
Recently, I've had thoughts that I don't love my girlfriend or I don't want to be with her.. and it's messing with my mind, it makes me feel sad and very anxious, I feel so low that I feel this way about her.. I don't know if it's my anxiety or if it's my feelings towards the girl? Does anybody know the differences? I feel like I'm constantly looking for reassurance and I always reminisce on the first time we met (butterflies, etc) can someone help me please?
It's crippling, I recently moved in with her and her parents because I had a place of my own which I couldnt afford and I can't go back to my own folks. Any help really would be appreciated.. cheers!
2 likes, 3 replies
Meh1305 darrianne94
Posted
Hi Darianne,
I also live with my female partner. I have what I call episodes... lol. Along with some sort of depression unmedicated and a lot of hormone troubles related to PCOS and a fibroid and possible endometriosis now.
My gf is amazing with me and I'm really happy with her, but she has had her fair share of crap to put up with due to my past affecting my present. I was lied to cheated on etc and never had someone caring or loving before so I kind of didn't know what to do with her. Some times it's like I'm spoiling for an argument or sometimes it fear of being left. We've been together 11 months nearly and I'll honestly say I've been a nightmare to live with. Due being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and being sacked for being on the sick. Financial pressures etc for a new relationship we went through a lot of strain. But I've been on a good spell for about 6 weeks now and everything's got so much better and I feel better in my relationship. I still get butterflies as I'm truly in love with her. I do need reassurance but she knows me and knows why. We're very open and honest if I feel distant of lonely I tell her as I fear distance and loneliness is where my previous relationship went wrong.
In the past with an ex, I felt the same as you. I had depressive states, where I sometimes felt numb. That I can't love, that I wasn't attracted to her anymore, the sex life stopped completely and we ended splitting up. Deep down I knew it wasn't right but if moved away to be with her and got stuck in a rut, I didn't have the balls to leave and ended up being left again and that does damage to someone.
Basically, you have to be true to who you are. If you're doubting your feelings then maybe it's not real? Bare in mind though you've recently moved in together and can be getting under each other's feet, it can make you take each other for granted. Maybe you should try stay with a friend or family member for a couple of nights and see if you miss her? Through my darkness, shes always been the light...
Is your gf understanding? Do you talk about your feelings?
darrianne94 Meh1305
Posted
I'm glad your happy in a new relationship
and yes, we're both very open with our feelings 
she understands me (well tries to) especially with my anxiety.. but at the moment, I've had to deal with her ex coming back on the scene 🙄.. and that may of triggered my anxiety, hence these thoughts.. I love her to pieces but at the moment I feel numb. We do take each other for granted, we both work because we're planning for a future but we are focused so much on that, we've forgotten about now.. I just hope it's my anxiety because she's an amazing woman and puts up with alot of crap with me.
sandy_so_sad darrianne94
Posted
I agree with 2meh1305 stay with someone untill
yr sure of your true feeling . my partner left me because of his depression . I'm devasted. But you have to be true to yourself.