Anxiety Panic Palpations. ugh. help

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I'll start it easy, I'm Tiffany and I'm 20 years old. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Out of which 1 year was a long distance relationship.  I was being emotionally and verbally abused by him most of the time. I found myself apologizing for things I didn't do,he'd accuse me of things I didn't do, verbally abuse me, control me, make me cry almost every single day. Even though I told him a million times that im a very fragile and emotional girl.  I left all my male friends cuz he didn't want me talkin to themHe'd hack my accounts to keep a check on me. he'd be a total jerk one day and act like a prince the next day, and being the naive girl I was I believed him. Every single thing he said. He was my first. I loved him to pieces. I even saw his profile on an adult dating sex site and confronted him about it. He denied it sayin his made it up for him and he didnt know it was a filthy site.I bought that  from him. ( I know I was stupid) it had been a year we didnt meet. It had been a year I was back in my country about 2-3 hours away from his home. He always promised me and never meet me upHe promised me he'd meet me ( Valentines Day)  I was on top of the world like I made him a cute little card with all my emotions in it. I also bought a perfume, Ray Bans , a bunch of video game CD's for him. ( he never even gave me a flower all this time let alone a gift, I was the one showerin him with gifts all the time and I didnt mind him not giving me anything ever but still.  It hurt me. I aint askin for diamons anything that had his emotions in it.! ) I asked him for his used t shirt tho. So I could hug it or wear it when I missed him <\3there came="" valentines="" day="" and="" he="" said="" he="" couldn't="" meet="" me="" cuz="" his="" dad="" might="" find="" out="" (="" his="" dad="" hates="" me="" and="" thinks="" im="" too="" high="" status="" for="" them="" and="" i="" might="" drive="" then="" insane="" with="" my="" demands="" rolleyes="" duh!="" )  i="" said="" it="" was="" okay="" (="" even="" tho="" i="" was="" litearally="" a="" mess="" that="" day="" alone="" on="" my="" bed="" crying="" my="" eyes="" out.it="" was="" then="" when="" i="" had="" my="" first="" panic="" attack.="" my="" heart="" was="" pounding="" reallyyy="" fast ="" and="" i="" was="" having="" stabbing="" sharp="" pains="" too!  i="" stopped="" communication="" with="" him. he="" called="" me="" up="" and="" i'd="" have="" a="" panic="" attack. i'd="" hear="" his="" name,="" i'd="" get="" one. it="" was="" hard="" for="" me="" to="" let="" go="" of="" this="" relationship="" cuz="" i="" put="" alot="" into="" it.="" i="" made="" my="" family="" give="" up="" and="" accept="" him.="" they="" knew="" i="" was="" really="" in="" love="" with="" him. my="" family="" and="" friends="" were="" against="" him="" cuz="" they="" knew="" he="" was="" poor="" (="" that="" was="" never="" a="" prob="" for="" me),="" narrow="" minded,="" emotionally="" abusive="" (="" his="" father="" used="" to="" physically="" abuse="" his="" wife) i="" being="" the="" fool="" that="" i="" was="" ignored="" all="" his="" negative="" traits="" and="" believe="" i'd="" be="" happy="" with="" him. i="" told="" him="" what="" his="" continuous="" abuse="" and="" accusations="" were="" doing="" to="" me. he'd="" not="" really="" care="" and="" tell="" me="" i="" was="" bring="" dramatiche'd="" call="" me="" a="" prostitute="" and="" what="" not.="" he="" knew="" i="" self="" harmed="" everytime="" he="" hurt="" me="" i="" didnt="" know="" what="" to="" do="" my="" emotions="" were="" so="" built="" up="" at="" times="" i="" needed="" a="" release="" and="" that="" was="" it.="" (="" my="" friends="" and="" family="" knew="" it="" and="" that="" made="" em'="" hate="" him="" even="" more)="" he'd="" apologize="" sayin="" he="" loses="" his="" cool.="" i="" should="" understand.  =""  like="" what="" !?="">:@He'd hurt me and not apologize until i brought it up. He'd be like "i dont really handle drama". I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I was dumping him. BECAUSE HE WAS A JERKI dumped him on a text. I realized he was prob a psycho. He was behavin like one.His last text was he loved me and he knew he treated me bad and that he would remain single forever cuz he could never love anyone else like he loved me! What the heck ,Love? Sexting me whenever he wanted. Askin for my nudes ( which I sent him, stupid I know) and still treatin me badly is not love. If he loved me he'd prove it. Express it. And not hurt me! And most of all MEET ME UP as often as he could and not care about a 2 hour drive. If u love someone you dont care about these things.I realized it. Late, but atleast I did.He was insecure. Whenever somebody else told me im pretty or really beautiful. He'd treat me bad. He was good looking too. Just that he was kinda short (5'7) ( I'm 5'6) but that didn't give him a reason to be mean to me. I wasnt allowed to post my pictures on fb. I wasnt allowed to wear short dresses. Like dude! WHAT THE FUDGE! He'd walk around topless all he wants but I wasn't allowed to wear a short dress cuz that made me look like a ... according too him? Which bf says that to his gurl! I was supposed to tell him where I was what I was doing all the TIME!  I finally told him to its over and not msg or call me ever again. I was initally attracted to him because he came from a poor broken family. He was always shy and kinda abused as a kid. I really wanted to fill his life with happiness but I guess I lost mine.All I wanted was love. Be in his arms cuddle,fool around. ( just a cute relationship )I'd tell him I missed him hopin he'd come give me a surprise.  It never happened. I was crying myself to sleep every single night. And I was rushed to the emergency room at night because I saw his pic and idk I was so terrified and my heart was POUNDING like a drum with sharp pains so strong I had to clench my chest.The moment I went there my heart beat was fine and docs sent me home. I later checked into treatment for like 2 weeks for my anxiety and gettin over the breakup. I was constantly having a lump like feeling in my throat and I was suffering from heart aches all the time.   Its been 2 months  I was absolutely over it and happy! I was happy that his name being brought up in a convo didnt affect me. I was panic free. Until a week ago at night. rolleyes My mom came in my room and told me that my aunt ( who I wasnt even close with) passed away and bam! It hit me like a tidal wave! We had to leave for the funeral I was by now having stabbing pains in my heart already. And I was scared it could be a heart attack cuz I googled stuff up. The symptoms were making me anxious that made things worse. It really scares me now cause I feel like there is something wrong with my heart, like my heart is going to give up and stop or that I'll end up having a heart attack. I cant even sleep well cuz scared! I didnt even see her body cuz i was terrified! Im terrified of dying! But I wasnt to this extent! I have attended many funerals. Its never happened befote! Now just a sudden knock on the door gives me a pounding heartbeat. I believe there is something wrong, everytime I get a palpitation I panic which obviously makes it worse.I do the breathing exercises. They help a bit but not as much. sad idk whats wrong with me. I never used to be like this! I feel that my terrible relationship with him was a trigger. Now im constantly worried about my heart. I am absolutely fine today but I am so scared and anxious all the time. I googled stuff and it made my situation worse. Even a sudden bang on the door gives me a panic attack. ! Im terrified! Its gotten to a point where keep checking my pulse all the time!I think I'd go get some ECG's done. I  just cant put my mind at ease. I was pretty awesome until my aunt passed away and now I'm back to square 1 Pleaseeeeee help me... just talkin about this is giving me a panic attack right now. :'(  do any of you get it too?

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  • Posted

    Hi, have you heard of Doctor OZ? He's on TV and has a regular program here, 2xs a day. He also has a web site. Today he talked about know the difference between a heart attack and an anxiety attack. One of the main things he said was look at how long it goes on for. Also if it's sudden onset with a lot of stabbing pain, it's more likely to be anxiety, but if it's slowly building pain that feels crushing, like an elephant sitting on  your chest, then it's a good possibility that it's a heart attack. There a lot more that he said, so I'd suggest that you go to his web site and look for that info. He might even have this episode on his web site so you could play and here exactly what he said today. His web site is doctoroz dot com (You have to spell Doctor all the way out. Dr oz is not his web site.) Try going there, I think you'll find some answers in regard to your heart. Also I've read (a few years ago) that if a person is suddenly really jarred by things like a door closing that they are low in a certain vitamin or mineral. I don't' remember which one it is, so you'll have to research that.

    Also, there is another thread on here  that states of a number of things that have worked successfully for various people to deal with their anxiety. You might want to look at that. I hope this helps. 

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  • Posted

    I don't think some dr  oz you're promoting is gonna help her, I didn't reward your whole  comment Tiffany but I get the jist of it, hi btw im Adam lol .. I was once where you were, it was horrible even to this day I still think about my ex sometimes, but I think more of the bad things because that's what most of it was, you've got to realise no relationship is perfect, but if it is the right relationship your partner would never treat you like that, you was probs a sex object to this guy, once he knew he was losing that he just went all soppy, us men don't realise what we have until it's gone, anyway what you need to do is, is stop all contact with him, block him out of your life, and your head, occupy yourself, and tell yourself you will get better without him because you will, you've lived what 18 years of your life without the guy, what makes you think you won't do that again ... You're very beautiful you know that, and there is a better person for you than that guy, honestly... You got your whole life ahead of you, now the panic attacks... Obviously you know why they're happening so you've got to avoid all subjects about him, tell people not to mention him, when they do happen you need to just lie down and think about happy things while your hands are on your stomach counting to 5 everytime you breathe in and out, breathe with your stomach not your chest, breathe In your nose for 5 seconds and then out for 5 seconds, have a bath off a shower to help relax your tense muscles, and if by any means you can't control them ask your doctor for diazepam but only use them when you can't control it all, I'm sorry if I haven't helped, but I am trying, and I'm here to talk anytime, there loads of us feeling like you so don't feel alone EVER... Keep me updated on how united doing okay, now go have a good day and be happy 
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    • Posted

      Thanks for replying Adam. 

      I have no contact with him its just that I cant get him completely off my mind. 

      I am not even able to hate him no matter how hard I try. 

      it is really annoying the hell out of me and draining me out. 

      The thing is,  he's NOT the reason I get panic attacks anymore. 

      he triggered em' and now I get all panicky even by a sudden knock on the door. 

      This is really starting to drain me out I feel like I've lost myself. 

      I used to be all happy and cool but since a week I'm back to square 1. 

      I am constantly thinking there's something wrong with me. I'm constantly worried about my health now. 

      I've lost weight.I'm lethargic most of the time. 

      Every ache or a twitch I automatically assume I'm having some health prob. 

      Every time I get anxious I get pakpations and stabbing pains in my heart and these symptoms stress me out even more ! 

      Im so ... lost and scared seriously. 

      sad idk how to stop this anxiety. 

      It feels like there's no end to it. *sigh* 

      oh... and I also feel detached from reality sometimes like idk how to explain it. I dont feel like myself.Truely sucks. 

       

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  • Posted

    hello Tiffany. I went through almost identical to what you've gone through. Panic attacks are very real and misunderstood. Unless you've had one no one will understand how intense and how they mimic a heart attack. Truly the only thing that helped me was turning to God. There otherwise is no help at all. I had to make a vow to him Jesus Christ that I will never take a phone call from this person who has made my life hell. In the name of love. I thought I needed him so bad. But it is a deception. Because they are so high on themselves and so in love with themselves, that they brainwash you that is as you ,that it is you that they love. So therefore you put all your hopes trust and security into this person who is unreliable and a backstabbing Judas. Do yourself a favor and try to heal. God is real and he's very loving, he is the only one, that truly loves you. If you find someone on this earth that still loves you no matter what that's a miracle. But until then remember to lean on your heavenly Father. Because he wants to protect you, from people who play games and ultimately enjoy seeing you have a complete meltdown.
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