anxiety poem

Hello, I just wanted to share my poem with everyone which is about anxiety and how it makes me feel, It would be nice to know if anyone feels this way too, as you know anxiety can feel pretty lonely!

About to lose control. Sitting on the edge holding tight onto nothing but everything at the same time. The wall in my chest, the one he puts up when he enters my body, which takes over my soul and chains to my heart. My mind is slowly forcing it down so I can breathe just a little. The tightness in my chest turns to tears which gets trapped in my throat, which then turns to what feels like waves of the ocean splashing out on the inside because I can’t bring myself to set them free. The embarrassment, the thought of letting go and the people who wouldn’t be able to understand the depth of this feeling, crushes me, this is the feeling of being alone, the feeling of being trapped inside a dark hole, somewhere deep and far away. It’s easy to tell others to voice themselves, to stand up and to not be afraid, but I am also afraid. To others the outside is bright and carefree, to me, there are mostly times of light but when I see darkness, it is deep, it is scary, it is monsterous, it is a trap, it is restricting, there is no way out. Thinking that everyone is constantly talking about you, that everyone thinks your weird, that everyone is looking at you, that everyone can tell that you feel tense every time you take a noticeable breath, the inhale that goes right to your chest and upper back, the one that makes you look anxious and the one that makes you look and feel uncomfortable. Focusing on everyone else’s content state of mind and body, watching how they lay there hands comfertably on their lap, or their arms calmly placed on the table, while I observe and focus and try to copy there body gestures to make me feel and look more relaxed and content, however this makes the situation worse because my hands don’t feel comfortable in my lap, my arms don’t feel calm leaning on the table. It is a constant movement. Constant gesturing of my arms and legs because my mind can’t keep still, my mind is moving fast, faster than I can keep up with. Eventually I collapse and I am exhausted. I cry, I smile, I feel a sense of relief… but not for long.

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