Anxiety relapse on holiday

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Hi I've been on citalopram on and off for about 4 years. Just come home half way through a holiday as anxiety has flaired up again.

Had decreased my dose to 10mg but now upping it again. Doc has given me diazepan to tide me over till it kicks in. Not totally feeling its effects yet. 

Hubbie is is away in weeks time in US on business and I'm praying that I can cope on my own then. 

Know all I can do is take it a day at a time but my a crystal ball would help me worry less! 

Upping the meds tonight and hoping I don't start feeling worse. 

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi ab180,

    Unfortunately, crystal balls don't really work and if they do t'is only for the chosen few!

    However, we can offer you something much better than magical a sure, safe, helpful and friendly forum with loadsa advice and support So, you'll never be alone when loved ones aren't there to hold yer hand!

    With any "sticking plaster for the brain" you have to give it time and you cannot go with anyone else's timetable as we are all different. I would also say that being on Cita "off and on for about four years" does not sound like it has been given a chance to really help and heal you. Taking another med until the Cita "kicks in" makes me think your Dr does not know a lot about "sticking plasters for the brain" unless there is more.

    I started on 10mg 10 months ago and increased almost monthly to 40mg where I levelled out eventually. Of course with Cita there is side effects and they can be plain yuk! Saying that, some don't suffer as much as others, then again some more, it again boils down to the individual. The side effects are all part of understanding what is happening and take your mind off the things that made you ill until you can (and will) cope. We have all had to learn to live with it and it is a good idea at the same time to try some self help of any kind that suits (this also helps with understanding and taking your mind off things). Exercise, healthy diet, possibly a significant lifestyle change, stop smoking and finally removed myself from that which was making me ill - work! These I can attest to in my part in helping my recovery. WAIT! I forgot the most important thing (other than my Fiancee, of course) and that is this forum!

    Here you will find people exactly in the same boat as you, for whatever reason we came, we are all in it together. You will find this site a God send (other deities and belief systems are available!) as the more you use it the more you understand and become a part of a Family. This Family does extend around the world, not just in UK, but it is a caring and loving one with someone here 24/7 as they say.

    So, keep reading, keep posting question no matter how silly or insignificant they may seem, no one will mind. You may even pop in just for a chat, that's cool too.

    So, all that remains for me to say is Welcome to the Club!

    Best Regards,


    Ps Don't worry I am not the only one out here, others will be along soon!

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  • Posted

    Decreasing your dose may certainly have been the cause, but equally some little upset or slight stress may have triggered it too.  Good idea to up your meds again, and probably stay on it again until you feel ok.

    I know with me it has happened if I'm overtired, been using the computer too much and too many late nights.  I begin to feel 'not right', and after making sure it get my quality sleep it soon rectifies.

    When the time is right and you want to reduce your meds again, try doing it by only 5mg and stay on that for a long time.  If you feel ok then maybe try another 5mg etc.

    You can stay on these meds for life if you need to.  They're not addictive.

    Youll probably feel a bit unsettled for a while yet, but upping your dose will begin to kick in in time.

    Hope it goes well.

    K x


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  • Posted

    Thankyou both. 

    Actually thinking about it it has probably been a lot longer than 4 years. It all becomes a bit of a blur - partly because the meds effect my memory - and partly cos I've been trying to look forward and not dwell on the past. 

    Ive started the meds twice. To be honest I find starting them hell on earth and I don't think I could do it again which was why I had tailed down but not stopped. 

    Its been a rough few years. My job was very stressful with annual restructuring and lots of change which was what started me on the meds. 

    I ended up in a job with a boss who was a bully and determined to break me so I got signed off and tried to get moved to a new role but after a year or so of very stressful play acting from my employer during which I was signed off they terminated me on ill health grounds. 

    That was nearly two years ago. It was only when that ended I could start to rebuild myself. 

    I've started working for myself using the skills I had from the job. I've been building up slowly and rebuilding my confidence and I was doing ok. Not making enough money but health wise I was ok. 

    I've been working on my issues. I did have a councillor but just I was beginning to trust her she got pregnant and our sessions stopped. I've done meditation and mindfulness and started yoga.

    i was really ill on holiday a few years ago - when I was still working - so I know the memory of that can be a trigger. I've also been ill when my hubbie is away and he was going to be a away as soon as we got back. 

    So im trying not to beat myself up. These things happen. Obviously I have more work to do. 

    My doc has been great. I was pretty desparate feeling when I went to him. He's given me 5mg diazepam twice a day to tide me over till my upped meds kick in. It's really taking the edge off though the anxiety can still break through unless I keep myself distracted. Thankfully I feel better at the moment in the late afternoon/evening. That glimpse of 'normal' really helps.

    Im also lucky that I've been through this before. So I know what works for me. So I'm taking it easy and watching trashy TV and taking my dogs for walks and trying to take each day at a time and not worry about my hubby going away.  


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    • Posted

      Sorry to hear you had a bully boss.  I had exactly the same and left my job 3 years ago.  I had this illness long before I'd worked there, and had also recovered long beforehand I worked there too ... but her actions towards me started making me extremely stressed and I knew it could make me ill, so after complaining many times I eventually asked for redundancy and left.  Best thing I ever did.  3 more work colleagues were since bullied and also left, 1 was off work for 6 months with stress and eventually took her to a Tribunal ... and lost.  Disgusted the Council supported the bully even though there was so much evidence.  Unbelievable!

      I remember years ago when I was ill, I felt worse when my husband was away as didn't like being on my own.  I think having someone around made me feel safe.

      Getting glimpses of 'normal' are a sure way knowing you're on the mend.  When I was recovering I'd get these too and especially afternoon evenings.  Slowly these normal periods extended further and further into the day so I only had the dreaded mornings to cope with.  Eventually my mornings became a pleasure too and the icing on the cake was when I began waking up feeling good.

      I restarted my meds last year and it took a good 6 months before I felt truly comfortable again.

      Youre doing all the right things - walks, taking it easy etc.  Remember even when your husband is away, expect to feel fearsome, it probably will happen, but also remember that you over-feel this fear because of the vulnerable state you're in at the moment.  Everyone feels on edge when their loved one goes away to work, but when you're ill you feel it much more acutely.  In time as you recover, you won't feel like that.

      Remember to chat on here if you feel uncomfortable when he's away.  Everyone is here to help.

      K x

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  • Posted

    Hi ab180,

    You certainly have been through a lot of uneccessary and unwarranted, what is basically abuse.many of us are able to relate to your situation, feel for you and can help!

    It is currently a sad, uncaring country that turns to many blind eyes that we live in at the moment. Where people are treated as a "Human Resource" and bullying is rife. You only have to see the state of our children in schools to realise that bullying is not just rife, but endemic and allowed by the system because they know no better. This and many other things in this country do need to change as all we see is more and more people suffering.

    Since being signed unfit with "work related stress" and coming here to the forum it really has come home to me that we are part of a suffering majority and the system really needs a complete change for everyones sake not the rich few.

    I am sorry to bring politics into the forum, but let's face it that is the root of all our problems and this evil. Until we start to care again it will only get worse. How many more scandals and perverse revelations are going to come out of the corridors of power where women and children have been treated like mere objects to be played with and cast aside?

    At least here on the forum we have eachother to help, advise, reassure, encourage and remind us we are not alone.

    I hope you are feeling alright, but if you don't stick it, try and go with it as it will get better and don't forget you have us, especially when hubbie is away. Not sure if this will also help, but when I became ill my Fiancee (I have an Ann) became interested in the forum to understand what I am going through and also learn about the illness and how she may be able to help me through it. It has really made the difference for me, having someone close that can hold my hand with love and understanding when I've needed it most. On a par with that this site is the a life saver for many!

    Keep in touch and hope things do settle down soon.

    Best Regards,



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  • Posted

    Just wanted to report that I'm improving. 

    Still feeling a little fragile but my negative brain stuff has diminished almost totally.

    My hubbie is getting stressed as usual about his trip and is driving me a little mad - I'm back to my normal feeling that I'm looking forward to him going!

    Meds must be beginning to take effect as my memory is getting worse too - the most annoying effect I get on them. 

    Thanks for all the support smile

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  • Posted

    Well done! Unfortunately, with forward progress there can be set backs. Embrace yer positivity, enjoy the ups and remember these during the odd down.

    Keep reading and posting, you know it makes sense.

    After all this you may even be able to help hubbie deal with his stress!

    Best Regards,


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