Anxiety's Door...

Hi,

Let me start by saying I'm a 29 year old male, have a fairly healthy diet, don't do as much exercise as I probably should these days & smoke very rarely. I suffer from Raynauds in the winter. No history of any mental disorders. 

The story; I hurt my left shoulder carrying a rather heavy bag around February time, then slept funny on it a few months later and woke up the next morning in agony. Every since then it's a pain that has gradually been getting worse & worse (think a dull, throbbing ache where the shoulder meets the neck). I also have occasional pain under the collarbone, down near near my shoulder blade & also down the inside of my left arm to my fingers

OK, so my anxiety, or what I believe to be anxiety, started back in August when my hands became numb & felt clumsy (probably the second or third time this had happened in a month). I visited a walk in centre but was sent away with some co-codamol & a smile. After that I'd have to say I was OK for a month or so, well, ish, until late September time when I went on holiday. That's the time that we'll say the you know what hit the fan. As soon as the plane landed all I could think about was - "what if something happens while I'm here, I've left it too long, oh dear" - And THEN it started: massive fatigue, weak muscles (to the point where it felt like I'd spent 5 hours in the gym the previous day, even though I'd been at the beach!), headaches, wooziness / dizziness, dry mouth, diarrhea, trapped wind in my chest, closed throat, feeling faint, insomnia & so on & so on. Naturally, I Googled these symptoms (you know, as you do nowadays) and instantly felt 10x worse just by browsing through some of the search results (I know, stupid thing to do).

On my return to the UK I visited my GP, did some brief strength tests for MS (all fine), but had to return 2 weeks later as I still wasn't feeling any better. During this time I was occasionally waking up in the middle of the night, my body temp was all over the place & was growing increasinly worried / agitated. For example, If I couldn't think of a certain persons name, I was sure I was losing my mind. I began to second guess everything. Did I see that or was it in my head? Is my body temp correct, or is it just hot in here? Are those glands in my neck of is that a painful lump. Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

& so I went back to the GP. He gave me a blood test, which 2 weeks later came be OK. Now, you would think that such confirmation would be the last of it? But no... I was convinced that after I'd got the all clear I would be fine again. A weight off my mind, if you will. But I can't shift it. Soon after this I began experiencing facial numbness and tingling (forehead mainly, but generally all over), which knocked the worry levels up a notch to say the least. This is often acconmanied by a state of uneasyness that creeps up on you like a slow tsunami wave. And once its there, there is very little you can do but fight & ride it out until it passes. 

These episodes do indeed pass after a while, but disconcerting they most definitely are. My main problem at the moment, however, is my fatigued muscles. My calves, thighs & arms (biceps / triceps) are in total agony. Contraced, some days are in fact better than others, but it still lingers around leaving me feeling like I've just ran a marathon. Simply things like brushing my teeth or putting wax in my hair is troublesome. I get a feeling that there's just no energy left in the tank. It's absolutly deflating. And not just that, the mental fatigue is, too. Sometimes, just the thought of interacting and engaging with other people is the worst possible thing imaginagle. I simply want to be horizontal in a room with no sound, to be quite honest. And not because of any social issue either, but more like there's an actual underlying force that pulling me & my energy levels downwards. It's hard to describe, that one, but hopefully somone knows what I mean. Another extra little bonus is  that I've noticed more & more fasciculations (muscle twitche) in both my arms of late. However unrelated or random these may be, I'm not entitely sure. Alas, it's another thing I wrote down, anyway.

I've since been to my GP about 6 times to date, with stronger painkillers being prescribed for the root of my *actual* shoulder / neck problem, which, true to form, is getting more and more painful as the weeks go by. I have been refered for physiopherapy but at this moment in writing I have been waiting over 8 weeks (I've called & called!) & still no news on an appointment. As you can imagine, the lengthy process is not good for the overactive mind. Oh our great NHS.

I'll be blunt, my absolute underlining fear is that this could turn out to be something utterly horrendiaous like ASL, MND, MS, or who knows what else, & it's been about 6 months without identifying the actual problem. It's a vicious circle, I know, I know. The more you think about something, the worse you get, the worse you get the more you think about it. I'm sure you more than understand. 

And so, in conclusion, any thoughts or adivce would be more than welcome. I'm rather exhausted here, to be frank.

Thank you for reading.

Barry

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