Anxiety since 2022
Posted , 2 users are following.
Hello,
I'm new to this forum.
I have had anxiety since the start of this year and I have been getting headaches every day, sometimes really bad ones.
I think some of my anxiety comes from this because I remember I had a holiday in 2015 with my grandparents and my step grandad thought I was being selfish so when we returned home from holiday, on Sunday 31 May 2015, I sat where my step grandad wanted to sit and he shouted really loud at me, saying I am a selfish brat. I was frightened and crying and I called for Dad. When my step grandad calmed down, he realized how frightened I was, and we apologized to each other, and we became friends again.
However, I was still too frightened of him and he caused a lot of anxiety for me when he shouted at me, and I didn't ever want to see him again just in case he shouted at me again and I wished for me not to see him again.
That did happen and he passed away on 31 Dec 2015 and I was happy about that. Now, this year, I think it is unforgivable for me now that I made that wish and if I told my family, they would all cry and be upset with me. So, I have been suffering since 2015 with this secret.
Now, I partially regret it now and I feel guilty abut my wrongdoing. I'm now having anxiety every day and I have depression about it too. I am frightened of my family knowing what I've done.
Can you help me please?
Thanks,
0 likes, 1 reply
jan34534 john70777
Edited
john, you have nothing to be ashamed of. every single one of us has regrets of something we thought, said, or did. but that doesn’t mean that it should ruin the rest of your life with anxiety and depression. Every single one of us have had bad thoughts about somebody else, even family members.
Of course we are not proud of those thoughts but your grandfather died because of other reasons and not because of what you thought. so your thoughts did not affect him in anyway.
But one thing you need to do is forgive yourself. You are human. and yes, it is a forgivable thought. just the fact that you regret thinking that is enough.
and now it’s time to move on with your life. what good is it to have anxiety and depression about this at this point? It does absolutely no good. it was just a thought and not an action. you didn’t hurt anybody by thinking this. Forgiveness will free you!
and it’s really nobody else’s business that you thought that so don’t feel like you have to tell somebody in your family. I’m sure they also have thoughts that they regret just like the rest of us!
you have been through enough. Treat yourself well.
it also helps when you’re struggling with guilt to go out and help somebody else. It’s such a great feeling!
If you’re still struggling I would suggest that you speak with a counselor who’s going to tell you pretty much what I did.
Some counselors will tell their patients to imagine the thought that you regret being surrounded or enclosed by a huge bubble. Or a balloon. Hold that bubble or balloon up towards the sky and then let it go! Watch it float off and disappear. and then take a deep breath and forgive yourself out loud ! cry if you have to. And let this be the end of it. you deserve to have peace of mind. And I’m sure if your grandfather could tell you right now, he would also want you to have peace! ❤ take care