Anxiety, social vulnerability, feeling of not fitting in (anywhere)

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Dear ladies, perimenopause is a difficult time for the body and mind, as well as socially. I struggle with various symptoms that we all know really well, and to add to the turmoil, I strongly do not feel well around friends and in the workplace. Now I am the oldest (55) in the team where my co-workers are between 25 to 35. There are some colleagues of the same age as me in other teams. With some "young" I work for several years, and I have never felt to be old, weird, etc. Nothing serious happened, and I think it is only my attitude, but I feel that I no longer fit in. Of course, I am older but I am open-minded, quick learner, like new technology etc., but that feeling... like in kind of social limbo, not young not old, with a lot of experience that is more of a burden and not a help...

I love my job and do not want to quit (and I think it is mistake that some ladies I know did), but everyday seems to be a mental/social struggle for me. I always ask who I am, what is my role in this team, how I should cope with people around me, especially when I am no longer a naive girl and I have dealt also with unpleasant experiences. Sorry for ramblings, today is not a good day.

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Lena! I understand your feelings. I'm doing PA course and I'm 43 - the oldest in our group.

    I ask the same questions all the time but I'm going to complete and find new job. Have to say don't feel very confident.

    I think if you are surrounded by young people you will feel even older than you are.

    Keep going and enjoy your work I know that young people are very funny. 😂

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    • Posted

      Thanks Natallia, I finished my second degree when I was 50. I was a regular university student among the 20something youngsters. I made fun of it, but I did not enjoy "being there". I simply did not like being a student again. I like studying, but i did not like the confused social roles and a constant (eveyday) switching between a professional and student mode.

      Yes, young people are full of fun, new ideas etc, and that is what I like. They are, at least some, more "mature" than my generation when we were 20/30. And it is true that I feel old among them. The society I grew up (central Europe) changed tremendously , and I see clearly that the background, those changes and turmoils affected me so profoundly, and cannot be erased. They are part of me, and they are probably also one of the causes of the generation gap I feel.

      I focus on my work... try to enjoy life as much as I can, and I hope that everything settles down oneday.

      But, sometimes it is hard to go on.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lena

    I am inbetween Peri and Post (not had period fo 19 months now)

    ?I feel on many occassions when around people - whats the matter with them !!! its as if the world is wrong and I am right and then on other days I feel like I am in a bubble and can't get out everything seems to be blurry and even when driving i have had to really concentrate. So understand how you feel, don't worry about rambling on - sometimes it helps to get it off your chest and then when you get replies back knowing you are NOT ALONE does help. Hang in there girl we are here for you. lol

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    • Posted

      Dear Julie, I know the "outspaced " feeling, it is very physical, sometimes strange and sometimes even agreable, as if I were in a cocoon (I wonder who/what will hatch!). The social "cocoon" is entirely unpleasant, as if I clocked the closed door.

      Last week I enjoyed my safety cocoon, I felt really strong, confident, happy, and then...totally opposite this week.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lena, 

    Are you on HRT?

     

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    • Posted

      Dear maxinecarla, no, I am not. I try to go through it naturally.

      I used some hormones twenty years ago because I suffered from horrible pms that affected me psychologically. I was young and I had no problems with taking pills (now I am afraid of them). The pills made me another person, in a good sense, but later on i got something like cluster headaches and I decided to stop.

      My doctor advised me something, but I refused.

      Still do not know if hrt is good or not. Maybe if I were in some really weird state than I would take it.

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    • Posted

      My doctors say that I am too young to be in perimenopause and only when I say that my mum was 45 they roll up their eyes.

      My emotions are all over the place. I hate it. My boobs start hurting 2 weeks before my period, don't sleep well, my bowel is all over the place all these don't help. Every time when I go to College I fed up and don't want to go.

      You are not alone ?

      Stay strong!

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    • Posted

      You could be Progesterone intolerant.  Usually women who have awful PMS are.  I have battled all of my hormonal life.   I am on HRT but have had awful anxiety, severe headaches and fatigue with different types and brands of Progesterone.   I am absolutley fine on the Oestrogen, I has given me my life back. Before it I had no memory, I was a screaming at the dogs as I had no patience and getting stressed at the smallest of things. I am taking a natural gel form called Estradial, this is the best as it is the closest you can get to your own Oestrogen. I am now trying Progesterone Utrogestan Vaginal pessaries which I have been taking for 7 days now and so far so good. My GP told me that the minimum amount of days you can take them and still be safe is 10 days. They cut down on the side effects because the bypass the liver. Professer Studd has done a lot of research on Progesterone intolerance, it would help you if you read his findings.  Good luck with everything x
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    • Posted

      Dear maxinecarla, thanks a lot. It is interesting. I will find something about the progesterone intolerance. I had terrible pms since my 30s including fatigue, weird feeling, pains etc that lasted since ovulation to period. I did not like the periods, but everything improved after. Now I have similar symptoms all the time. I hope it will settle down.
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  • Posted

    Hi Lena, I hope you have woken up feeling better today. I totally understand where youre coming from - Im haviing a difficult menopause too, im 19 mths into it and have had increased anxiety over the past 2 yrs to the point of anxiety disorder. Plus lots of the usual meno symptoms. Also at a crossroads with work, works dried up since the new boss took over so thats been demoralising. You are not alone and this is a good place to come for support x
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    • Posted

      Dear Julie, I try a lot. I try to enjoy life bit by bit, having a nice cup of tea or coffee, walk a bit, read a book, enjoy new clothes, etc. But anxiety and doom and gloom are really eating me. Last two weeks were trying in my office and I could not cope! Overwhelmed with stress, fears, pains, fatigue, crying in the bathroom...

      Last few years I had mainly physical symptoms of peri. Not nice but I made fun of it.... since last summer psychological symptoms prevailed. No more fun...

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  • Posted

    yes, I feel so bad that I actually decided that my life is over. I feel old and sick. Weekness, dizziness, lack of balance, muscle pain and stiffness, anxiety, sudden allergies and asthma like symptoms. Depression. I hope this ends.
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    • Posted

      Dear Anetta, life continues, but is different. Our lives have been always influenced by hormones, and peri is the time when the hormones play havoc. We try to live as before, and peri is really the time when our bodies and minds are captured by "strangers". I still do not know how to communicate with the stranger, sometimes I am surprised and ashamed by my reactions, but still, I try and continue...

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  • Posted

    Dear Lena

    I don't have any suggestions or advice to help you with these unpleasant experiences, but I wanted to share with you that I am in a very similar situation to you, and you are not alone. I also feel anxiety at work and that I don't fit in anywhere - when your post popped up in the forum my first thought was 'gosh, I could have written this'. I'm sorry these things are happening for you, but please know you are not alone. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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