Anxious, Boring, idk
Posted , 3 users are following.
I haven't been diagnosed and I haven't been to a psychologist. I don't think going to one is a good idea either, despite having some problems all of my life and having some problems in the past too.
I've been extremely concerned lately (like half a year now), about the way I am regardless stress and personality.
- I enjoy having debates, conversations e.t.c but I avoid them a lot. Even when I'm talking to someone I'm close to, I avoid saying some stuff thinking I might sound stupid, cringe-worthy or anything bad like that. And because of that, I end up actually sounding stupid, cringe-worthy and all that because I overthink it. And I seriously don't like it, and it results me in thinking how the conversation could be differently
- I'm not natural. When something good happens to someone, they jump around out of joy, they say something out of excitement but that isn't the case for me. I feel uncomfortable showing that much emotion in public or in front of people in general. When I try to do it, I feel weird and plain uncomfortable and when I don't, I feel bland and boring. I can't win at all and it's frustrating.
- Lately, especially, I've been more stressed than ever to the point I overthink the way I talk, think and the stuff I do. I can't even breathe properly anymore because I feel a restricting feeling in my stomach constantly. There's been some stuff going on too and I can't be bothered explaining it to anyone. Like I seriously can't be bothered to at all and when I do try, it won't come out because I feel like there's no point in explaining. So in result, I just constantly mumble about how stressed I am, without giving anyone a clear understanding of how I'm feeling. It gets tiring for everyone and it gets tiring for me.
- I have unwanted thoughts a lot of the time. Whenever I'm sitting alone or doing something, I'll get explicit thoughts which are mostly triggered by stress too. I'll try a lot to stop them and it'll work sometimes, which is a positive thing I'm satisfied with. But then I have suicide thoughts, cutting thoughts and just self-harming thoughts in general. I don't plan on doing all of that, since in my personal belief it's a stupid thing to do. I've done it in the past and I regret it strongly. But these thoughts won't stop and it bothers me a lot.
- I feel like God has abandoned me too. I'm a Muslim in faith. I believe in God strongly but I've broken promises I've made to God. Because of that, I feel like God is angry with me, he doesn't want to hear my prayers and he just isn't happy with me at all. Which adds to me feeling lonely too.
-The only person that helps with my constant stress wants to be alone. And it's tiring for him, especially with our past and I feel extremely lost because of that.
I feel like I'm a boring person. I want to avoid that, but in order to do that, I need to find out more about me.
Is this normal behaviour and something everyone goes through in their life or should I be concerned and try to fix it? Or just live with it and put up with it?
1 like, 3 replies
GerardCB adirahalcyon
Posted
Well I think that it is unusual behavior for you. That behavior is normal for me, but I am an anxious person.
Why do you say that you would rather not go to a therapist? Because I feel like if you do, you can get many of those questions answered and it will ease your worry. Going to a therapist is just like going to the doctor. It doesn't mean you are labeled as mentally ill. It's just like a check up.
adirahalcyon GerardCB
Posted
It isn't about the "label" regarding others, but it has to do with my mental state. I believe that if I go to a therapist, I'll convince myself that it is indeed serious and it'll be harder to fix it.
Right now, if someone tells me it's unusual and gives me some tips, I just might be able to fix it. I haven't tried because I always saw it as normal behaviour, but it's definitely worth a try.
That and because it costs money which is a problem atm
GerardCB adirahalcyon
Posted
Definitely. Just incase though, you always have doctors ready if you need them.
So the thing that helped me most was reading. I looked up books on anxiety and I read a highly rated one. The techniques for stopping anxiety were incredible. I recommend you do the same.
Seeing that you are not too deep into the anxiety, I also recommend writing five things you're thankful for every night in a journal. I do that almost every night and I always feel a shift in my mood. Especially if you do it for at least a month, you will notice a different in the way you see things.
Hope this helps!