Anxious & vulnerable - easy target for bullies?

Hi mrs,

?I am young-ish.. 29 in 2 months. What you've said there is so true, they do it for gratification because they have no other way to feel good about themselves. They look for easy targets, people that are vulnerable about also have something these bullies secretly admire but hate. Whether it's confidence, good looks, self-belief, intelligence... the bullies see that and they don't like it. They secretly look up to their victims and want to knock them down a peg or two.

?Bullies seem to pick targets that are simply reflections of all of their insecurities. e.g. someone they perceive to be more charismatic, confident or better looking than they are. For some reason they take it out on that person or they try to be better than them. If it was me I wouldn't worry about what anyone else is doing, just appreciate it and focus on you.

?Girlfriend, ex... hell, I don't know what she is. She is most definitely a liar, a cheat and manipulative as you pointed out. And I would say the other word, but unfortunately my heart isn't there yet

?I look at her and I see my younger self... hate to say it but I was once a manipulative person before I became aware of my actions. I guess I thought I could change her, she labelled it brainwashing. She couldn't see that's something the world does to you. I was trying to re-condition her mind and awaken her to the truth of the world.

?Modesty aside - I thought I was smart... but if I was I would never have let her treat me this way. I really want someone who means it when they say they love me. I know I deserve a lot more than what she has given me. I guess for some reason, she didn't agree. I've been bullied all my life and you're right that they only do it because they have no other way to feel good about themselves. Their targets are simply reflections of their insecurities. They perceive us to be more confident, stronger, intelligent, better looking. There's always something a bully sees in its target, something they want, it's like a predator sniffing out its prey. They think by bullying us they can take our qualities from us. Deep down they think they have no value themselves.

?Truth is, God gave us all something to be proud of. Bullies just choose to focus on targeting others they perceive to be better than they are. May God give us strength to stand up for ourselves and move past these types of people. Thank you mrs for helping me see the situation for what it really is. As for the girl, only time will tell whether she is willing to make a change for the better. For anyone reading this it may seem like a no brainer decision for her to just start treating me the way I'm trying to treat her. But I know at her age the bullies have a huge influence over her and have blinded her with a sense stubbornness and naivety. Something I unfortunately know all too well about...

I somehow though you would be in your teens - I guess there are always bullies among adults as well, but logically it is more common in the puberty & while becoming an adult...I am suprised you have to deal with bullying at your age though tbh. ;o

However, I am glad you can see my point & as you said - focus on yourself, I guess with 28 one should already be sure enough of oneself & be aware enough of some patterns of human behaviour to shrug it off, in a way...in one's teens one is easier influenced & it is easier to think the bullying is about oneself being wrong or whatever - but as I said, I replied with the assumption you are in your teens...hope it helped anyway. I am 31 btw, so same age range.

Well, at least you see through her & know what kind of person she is - if you let her treat you like that regardless & decide to stay with her it is your concious decision & you are surely old enough to know what you are doing. There is a nice saying - what you allow will continue...so when you allow her to treat you like that she has no reason to stop or change, same goes for the bullies.

Well, you changed & bettered yourself, that is all that counts. But I learned years ago that you can't help someone that doesn't want help, so you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved - you put all your energy & emotions in her because she reminds you of you but in the end you get nothing back...also, you are not her father - maybe that's how she felt when you tried to "brainwash" her, as she put it & why she rejected it. I guess she is a lot younger than you? (but since I was wrong assuming your age, I guess I am wrong again ^.^) There are mistakes she has to make herself & experiences she has to learn from - let her learn her own lessons, they are more powerful anyway than someone telling you how you should be, what you should do, or what is right & wrong. Maybe she will look back in 10 years thinking she was foolish & naiive, but I think she has to find that out herself. She might grow older & wiser, she might mature or not - it is up to her. You tried to help her - that is the best you could do. It is hard to give up but if all you get back is being hurt & played, I guess one has to decide whether that is worth it. You are smart enough to reflect, see what your options are & make a concious decision. If she decides to rather be influenced by those other people it is her choice & I assume the harder you push for her to change the more she will rebel in return - at least that is the impression I got from what you wrote. Yes, only time will tell whether she will change for the better but it will be her decision & I guess if you love her you will let her make that decision for her own life. Uhm, I am not a religous person whatsoever - I have no idea whether she is or whether that is maybe a problem there too? You seem to be pretty religous & I could assume if she is not that may have some potential for conflict in it already tbh.

However, that are my two cents there - you made your mistakes, learned your lesson & maybe think about how you had reacted in her shoes back then? Maybe you can figure out how to help her, but she is who she is - if you love her don't try to change her & if she doesn't want to be helped, you already lost anyway. Don't forget about yourself though - you need to make sure you take good care of yourself first of all.

I feel like bullying is more common in 20s rather than teens.. although it is far more subtle and calculative. Maybe it is just me.

?Staying with her isn't an option as she says she doesn't want to be with me, although she said she will always love me. She has been acting so immature lately, being very tactical with the games she plays. She will act like she cares and then minutes later act cold and if I question her she will say she's tired or isn't feeling well. Whenever I call her, she's busy, she can't talk or some other excuse to keep her distance. Honestly she must think I'm really stupid and that I can't see through her childish attempts to manipulate me. Last night she said on the phone she went out with some guy and she was trying to tell me the story when I asked how does she know him. She took a while to make something up so it was clear she was lying. She said to me "just listen". 2 weeks ago she walked off with a guy and took pictures being all over him in the middle of town and although she pretty much humiliated and degraded herself... it did hurt and I attempted suicide. Since then she's tried a few tactics to push me to that point again. I keep telling myself that she's not an evil person and it's her actions that are evil but honestly I don't know anymore.

?It's true what you're saying, I can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. But for some reason I still have this desire to try. I am literally giving all my emotions and energy and getting nothing back apart from negativity and hate. And when I ask her "why do you hate me? why do you resent me?", she changes the subject. I think that really she has a guilty conscience, she hates herself for the way she's treated me and it hurts her. I guess the only way she can forget about that is to make herself hate me.

?There's no doubt she's going to look back when she's my age and wonder what she was thinking. I mean I'm willing to give my life for her, while she treats me like trash. Normally I'm not interested in anyone but it's just her I've always loved. I'm sure she will feel foolish and regretful in time, when I've gone and moved on with someone else. It's only when I no longer care that she will realise what she's done.

?I'm not strictly religious, I don't pray but I believe. She says she is religious but her actions suggest otherwise. What religious person would try to re-trigger a suicidal attempt apart from Satanists?

?I don't want to change her in any way. I just know that the way she's been acting lately isn't who she really is. She used to genuinely care about me and we could talk all night about random stuff. Now she puts on a fake personality and I don't understand why. Does she think her real self isn't good enough?

That might be true, but I, fortunatelly, have no experience with that...I would imagine since teens still have to learn to figure things out & it is easier to bully someone weaker to feel powerful etc it is more common there - but I guess you could be right that it just tends to get more calculated later on if one didn't get over that "phase" as a teen. It's sad people are like this though - is there any way for you to avoid those people or are they her crowd?

You know what, you should ask yourself whether it is worth it with all it does to you. Suicide attempts, all the hurt & self-doubt just for someone who doesn't care anymore? I guess at some point you have to ask yourself what matters more to you - trying to save her & go down for that, or save yourself & be happier eventually once you healed your emotional wounds. Only you know the answer. She seemlingy has issues of her own but so do you & it seems like being with her or in contact with her only makes them worse. You said maybe when you no longer care she will realise what she had - then leave, focus on yourself & your happiness...maybe she realises things (which might help her better herself as well) or she doesn't. I guess you feel responsible for her in a way but you are not - you are not her father & the way she treats you you are not her partner either.

Imagine there would be someone who looks at you & says "he reminds me of my younger self when I let some selfish, careless girl play & hurt me for her pleasure & I wasted so much time, energy & love trying to make her see, when I could have spend all the time with someone who loves me & be happy. Now, 10 years later I am here & I regret that so much, I wish I had know better back then - why can't he see that?" 

Maybe how she acts now is not who & how she used to be - who knows how she really is - maybe she has changed, people change - for better or worse, you know that too since you bettered yourself, you are not that person anymore either. Let her make her own decisions & learn her own lessons & move on - it sounds like that would be the healthiest to do tbh. I am sure she isn't all bad & it noble to distinguish her & her behaviour, but she makes choices to behave like that, treat you like that, degrade you etc - it sounds like that has gone on since a while & I am sure it was nice when you could talk all night & be close but something caused her to change & you trying to fight doesn't seem to bring that back no matter how much you want it. I can't tell you what she thinks but if she thought her real-self isnt good enough she would still remember & know it is good enough for you, or am I wrong? Please, take care of yourself, it seems you need some saving too - so why not save yourself instead & see what happens? I am sure it is hard to let go but from the sounds of it you will get to that point sooner or later anyway. We have a nice saying in my country "Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende." meaning it is better to bite the bullet now than prolonging the agony, basically. You are in control - please take a good look & see what is best for you. With all you have written, I think it should be obvious to you how things are - as I said in my first comment, you are so aware of what is going on there. You will know when you can give up, when things went too far - I have to say I am amazed that the suicide attempt wasn't a wake-up call for you already. But maybe think about investing all the energy in yourself for a change? - you should be happy & healthy too & not give yourself up for someone who doesn't care.

I think I could be considered weaker in some ways and stronger in others. I feel quite confident but on the other hand I still have the anxiety. She must see me as a threat somehow. She has studied my weaknesses and uses them to get to me. There are most times where she is very driven to corrupt me and the rare occasions where she "can't be bothered" as she says.

?You're right it really is sad that there's people out there like this. Unfortunately it isn't just her crowd, I haven't actually met her friends, she always kept them from seeing me. Otherwise I would've talked to them to find out more. I get abuse from random people I don't even know, who pick up that I can be quite vulnerable and anxious. It's almost like they're predators and I'm their prey, but they don't want to eat me (luckily), they just want to control and distort my thoughts. Somehow this provides them with gratification.

?These kinds of people just make me feel so thankful that there are people like you out there. It is clear that you care about people with "mental illnesses" by the way you are talking and trying to help me understand this situation. Although in my situation I guess it is disputable whether it's me with the illness or the people that target me. The connection I had with her felt worth it at the time. It was like a relief from all the BS I had to take from people.

I've been in a similar situation a few years ago, several times actually and I look at my younger self and think what an idiot I was lol. I guess love makes us blind to what is really happening, which is why so many people feel trapped in abusive relationships.

She is still the same person inside and sometimes she gives me a glimpse of that person. I think she does it purposely to keep me holding on. It seems like it's only me she acts different around. Like she hates me or resents me for something, but when I've confronted her about it she says I've done nothing wrong. She is literally like a drug which I keep going back to, although I will probably never get the high she first gave me. Sad thing is, she's perfectly capable of giving me that, she just "doesn't want to". It was nice when we could talk all night and I felt really close to her, felt like someone actually cared about me. But now I look back and it's like that girl has died. I don't know how she derives any pleasure from degrading me, I would feel like crap if I did that to anyone.

?I might have made her become distant when I used to play Xbox all night and she would be calling me and I didn't bother picking up or I'd talk and not pay attention. But my reason for that is because she was calling me only to degrade me over the phone. And she would rarely see me in person. So naturally I stopped answering and stayed distant myself, which then had an effect on her. She no longer got her gratifying drug from abusing me so she stopped calling.

?Maybe she has degraded me so much that now she feels she is too good for me, she just looks down on me. You could be right that she remembers her self is good enough for me, maybe she pities me for that due to her insecurities. She might think that if I'm dumb enough to love her, I can't be any good. Really she should be thinking "I'm an amazing girl. If this guy loves me he must have really good taste!".

?She says that she doesn't care. But she didn't go on holiday to Amsterdam because she said she knew I wouldn't like it. And sometimes she will call me and say she doesn't know why she called. She just keeps pushing and pulling me, which is a typical technique that manipulators use in relationships. So in that sense I guess I am in control, because she is addicted to having that power. You're right though, it is only a matter of time until I just forget about her. There's only so much anyone can take and if I'm not getting what I desire then there's no point in me sticking around. I know it's going to be a painful end for her when she sees me find someone that treats me how she never did. And then I'll be the one not caring about her, but that's just how it goes. I've given her all of my energy and she just wastes it

Sorry for the late reply - we had a long weekend because of Thanksgiving. ^^

Oh, yeah - that is weird that random people sense your issues then but I guess having no experience there I can't really advise anything but I guess you are right about those people. I hope you can find a way to cope with that though - you say you feel confident, so I guess that is a good thing already.  

Well, I have my own mental issues - so to say & I have to say it is painful for me to watch someone stuck in a situation like you are, suffering but somehow unable to move on, holding yourself back from a better & happier life. I wish I could help but I guess you need a good push in reality there to save yourself & see that that was for the better - I guess just words can only help so much but can never be that powerful...but then again you have to want to change something. In a way you seem pretty reluctant to give up, despite everything - correct me if I am wrong. Do you have any friends you can talk to about that? I guess some support & encouragement in real life maybe could help you change some things better.

Well, as I said only you know how long you can take that & only you know what makes you happy - it seems you are getting something out of this anyway so you continue it..I don't know whether you think you deserve to be punished, are addicted to the fight & the energy, or whether it is something self-destructive in you - you comparing it to a drug makes perfect sense though...but in the end you are the one who has to pay for, so if you can figure out a way to break that "addiction" maybe you can free yourself? What I notice is that you seem to try to justify her behaviour when there is nothing to justify it with - but I guess you keep on telling yourself that for some reason. If she had any respect for you, she seems to have lost it though. She can treat you as she pleases & you keep coming back - from her point of view why should she change something when she gets what she wants anyway? I guess that gives her a sense of power but looking at someone this way has nothing do to with love.

Maybe the past & how you used to be has something to do with it, but it sounds like you tried to be a better partner/friend since & she isn't responding..I guess something broke there long ago & maybe it is easier (even though it doesn't sound easy) to stay in this than to break up for good & move on. Honestly, it sounds like that would be the best for both of you - it doesn't sound healthy for either of you in the end. From the past with her, when she would make you happy you know how it could be - why do you rather trap yourself in what you have (or not really have) now? You know how to change things & yourself from your past, so it is not like you are incapable of that. You know you are stronger.

Has she told you why she doesn't want you to meet her friends? That seems a bit odd to me. She seems to have her own issues but I guess unless she opens up you will never know what is wrong or has changed - you can't force it, it is up to her. All she does, the way she treats you & acts are her decisions. Maybe you need to remove how she is now from how she used to be & realise you can't bring that back. I hope you can find some way to finally move on. Honestly, if I had the feeling this is fixable I would tell you to fight for her but from all I have learned it doesn't sound like it makes sense. I only know your side, I will never know hers but as I said before, you are responsible for your own life & happiness & you should put yourself first there for a change because you deserve better.

Hi mrs, hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving

?It is definitely a strange thing that randoms sense my vulnerability and then act on it. Usually this is something a person would experience if they are insane, where they think everyone is out to get them. But in my situation, my paranoia is something I can turn on and off like a switch, I've learned how to take control of it. I recognise when I'm paranoid and when I'm not. Maybe I'm just from a crazy town but here in Swansea I am experiencing constant abuse because of my mental health. Sometimes people will be subtle about it, other times they don't even care because they know people will just think I'm crazy if I tell anyone.

?A few weeks back when I took the overdose, I called the ambulance and they came in with the police. I woke up in hospital with a black eye, bruises all over my body and a chunk of my foot missing. It took me about a month to recover from these injuries but I soon learned after checking security CCTV... They cuffed me and dragged me through carpet and concrete by my hands, hit my head on a wall and I can only imagine what caused the black eye. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the 1800s, like I'm viewed as a devil because of my mental health issues. The police have accused me of assaulting them and are taking it to court, I was unconscious from the moment they arrived from the moment they arrived. Physically, mentally and emotionally abused... they were probably worried about me filing a case on them so they put one on me. There is NO equality for us, not in this town any way.

It is painful to see someone else suffering from anxiety, fortunately I haven't met anyone else in the same situation. It's painful because you know how it feels. I was justifying her behaviour, I don't know why. I guess I wanted to believe that she was a good person inside. You're right, she had no respect for me at all. She seemed to think it was acceptable to abuse me and I can honestly say, even though I'm a man and she's a woman, she bullied me. I think it's important for men to stand up and say that sometimes women too can be the bullies in a relationship. Not all women of course, just like not all men. But there are certain people out there that seem to take pleasure in degrading and humiliating others.

?She did say something like she is embarrassed about my age and being seen with me in public. So I guess that is why she didn't want me to meet her friends. But I think she was only saying that because she knew it was me that was embarrassed to be with someone so much younger. Women have always gone for older men, I know that, just from looking at David Beckham and George Clooney. And I'm like half their age lol.

?Everything you've said there makes perfect sense, you couldn't have made it more clearer. I haven't talked to her for some time and I can honestly say I feel relieved, like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. She was only holding me back from being the best I can be. I realise that I need to find someone who will not abuse me and will bring out the best in me. I say this for anyone who is reading and is stuck in a similar situation. You deserve better. If someone isn't treating you right, leave. If you ever think of them or think of contacting them again, just remember all the things they did to you. Do you really want to bring that back in to your life? No one needs these negative energy-draining vultures in their lives. If you want to change them, the best thing you can do is to stay as far away from them as you possibly can, that's the only way they will learn and see themselves for what they really are.

Peace out.

Wow, that sounds like from a bad movie. ;o And how to f*** did a chunk of your foot go missing? o.o That all sounds very weird to me - you mean the ambulance people did it or am I reading this wrong? Maybe you are the only normal person in this town & everyone else is crazy? Or there is something in the water? ;D But seriously, that has nothing to do with bullying anymore, that is criminal behaviour. I hope the court case was dropped - with the footage you should have enough proof, I would assume. However, that is crazy. ;o Have you ever considered moving away? If you have any options there I guess for your own safety that might be better - people aren't like that everywhere. I mean, I don't know what your mental issues are or whether you have any other disablities (not that that should really matter anyway)  but if the town you live in is so backwards I would assume that moving away might be the only option you have to live a normal life & be treated like a normal person, regardless of you issues. I am sorry things are so weird for you though. ;o

I am glad you managed to distance yourself from the situation - I am sure it was hard to cut contact initially, being emotionally envolved, having feelings etc. but I guess once one removed oneself from that things become clearer. I have been in a similar situation in the past (not abusive but unhealthy) - it was hard to go but once that step was made I felt a lot better, relieved & free...later some doubts creeped in "what if" "if only I had" "maybe" etc - nonesense like that..but I think once one came to the point where one had to go for one's own well-being one did all one could - now I look back & can say leaving was the best I could have done, I got over regretting it & all that means nothing to me anymore. What I am trying to say is - in case you start to doubt your decision or wish you had done more to make it work, don't give in to that - it is bs. I think it was the right for the both of you & I think the age might have had something to do with it after all. I assume she is in her teens since you say she is a lot younger - maybe still figuring out who she is or wants to be, testing, still needing to figure out what sort of partner & kind of relationship she needs & wants, looking for her place in the world, being immature & maybe not realising the consequences of her actions, wanting to do what she wants, dating people etc - maybe it was interessting to be with an older man in the beginning but later she felt trapped, still wanting to be free & enjoying her life - maybe she just didn't take it as serious as you did & when she was embarrassed because of your age...well, when you love someone you don't give a f*** & you are not embarrassed. I think she still needs to try & find out what she wants in life, be carefree & foolish - she will make her way though...just like you will make yours. I would assume you need a more mature partner you can rely on - a relationship where there is a balance between giving & taking, not where you give yourself up for nothing. Eventually you will find someone but I hope for now you can concentrate on yourself - from the sounds of it you neglected yourself for a long time, now is time to find your own happy place & improve your life as much as you can improve it. I guess you learned something from this after all though - so it wasn't for nothing & I hope you can emotionally move on eventually too.

If you need to, keep posting on the forum - for some reason I was the only one who replied to this post but I think usually you get a few people who can relate & offer you some advise or different perspectives - if it helps you see things clearer & put things in perspective etc when you share continue to do so. Stay strong

It was like a nightmare. Just before they arrived I told the health service on the phone that I was having hallucinations. The floor was breaking apart in front of my eyes and there was a huge creature on the ceiling. I knew it wasn't real and it was caused by the overdose, but it was still disturbing. I'm not sure who caused the bruises and the black eye. Even if it was the police, the ambulance had a duty of care. There is something very wrong if you are experiencing injuries while unconscious in the presence of paramedics, not to mention it was a controlled situation. On the CCTV it clearly shows the police dragging me out by my hands with my feet dragging on the floor, one trainer missing and a sock came off along with the chunk of my foot. Probably the carpet shredded away the skin.

?Unfortunately the court case has not be dropped. It is laughable. But they are actually trying to accuse me of assault after I took an overdose and blacked out.

?There are some good people, we both choose to keep our distance though. They're probably aware that I might think they're around to abuse me. And I always distance myself from anyone good or bad, I don't want the bullies to associate them with me. Some of my family and friends got abuse because of my illness. All of my friends have now moved far away from here. The best way I can describe what I'm experiencing is to call these people sociopaths and apaths. The sociopaths are like the leaders of the bullies, they were the ones "brave" enough to bully me at the start. And from there the apaths or followers of the sociopaths then saw what they were doing. They're insecure, I guess abusing me gives them a boost, makes them feel better about themselves. Over time they became used to it and now accept it as the norm. Who knows how this will end... To be honest I don't think I want to know. If there is a God watching up there, I can only pray for their forgiveness.

?Moving away is probably the safest option, but because the overdose I have been struggling with work. Been going for interviews and hopefully I will be able to gather enough cash to get as far away from this place as possible.

?I'm not sure if I even have any disabilities. I've been to the doctors and they said the psychiatrists refuse to see me. The doctors refuse to diagnose me, probably because there would be a lot of guilt if people realise they are bullying someone with bipolar or autism.

?I live in a small town on the coast of the UK. Far away from any big cities. People are set in their ways here and I guess that doesn't help me. In a big city something like this would never happen.

Believe me, it was so difficult for me to cut contact at the start. I felt like I was losing my soulmate, someone who belongs to me. It's true what they say, love made me blind. Now it has been some time without talking to her and I'm wondering why I ever needed her in my life anyway. My head is just focus on other things now, life. I can barely picture her face or remember her voice, it's like I never met her. Maybe this is just my brain's way of blocking her out and not letting her affect me.

?At the start I was thinking what if and all that bs. But then I remembered, she made the choice not me and that's why I did it that way. If it was my choice, I would've given her the world, treated her like a queen. But all that is in the past now, there's no going back.

?Sounds silly but I feel like I've gone from a caterpillar and now emerged into a butterfly. I'm free to fly around and explore, no hostility or resentment on my back. Actually felt like she had a vendetta against me... for what I don't know? She was 18 and I'm 28, she seemed paranoid to think that I was trying to "brainwash" her. Not sure what she meant by that but maybe that was just another tactic to make me feel like sh*t. All I wanted to do is spoil her, take her out and make her feel something special. I guess that wasn't good enough for her though, oh well, I'm sure there's plenty of girls out there who will appreciate a guy that wants to make an effort.

?Hate to admit it, but you are probably right that she felt trapped and wanted to be free. She did say something like that. I've heard this story so many times before... girl feels trapped, goes out and does stupid stuff, regrets it all and soon realises what she had given up. Naturally I'm not going to be there when she realises what she had, it's too late. I know it's only a matter of time until she comes running back saying all she found was guys that don't give a sh*t, I've heard it all before. She was all I ever wanted, but now it's gone and it's her time to deal with the pain. I've woken up and started seeing her for what she really is. She might be 18 but she doesn't have the maturity of an 18 year old. She used to tell me how she was always skipping her classes and going to ones she wasn't supposed to. She would lie constantly and spend every penny on make up. I used to overlook all of that, now I know I don't want that in my life. I want a girl that's planning for the future, wanting to build a better life. I want someone to take me up, not down. And she is definitely not that person. Thank you so much mrs for making me see the truth.

That really sounds disturbing & it is good you called someone to help, despite all. English is not my native language so I wasn't sure whether I misunderstood. But honestly, those people are trained & should know how to react & deal with people - even if you had been violent or attacked them because you were not in your right mind (not saying you did), they should have know how to handle that without you ending up in hosptial - not even talking of the court case, that really is a joke. No-one got hurt but you so why not leave you alone? I hope all goes well with the court case though - I guess you have no choice but to go forward & hope for the best. Crossing my fingers.

Honestly have a hard time wrapping my mind around all you are experiencing with regard to people. If you have to fear for people who are associated with you as well, that is weird & goes way beyond bullying. Is that everyone in your town or just a group? I have to say, I really don't get it - you don't come across like a maniac who runs around terrorizing the town or anything crazy, so I cannot imagine how you attract that sort of "attention". I can only judge you from the bit I know but you seem to be an intelligent, controlled person - you have you issues under control, you are very reflecting, articulate, I can't read any aggression & you seem to just want to have your peace & live your life as you please. There is nothing that strikes me as 'wrong', if you know what I mean. There are people who have anxieties & other mental issues they are not as aware of as you & they can not control well & yet they don't find themselves in such situation. Have you asked your family or friends, who know you in person, whether there is anything about you or the way you act that sort of triggers people or anything? Those people clearly seem to have issues though, who knows what is going on in their minds...that is all confusing, I can only imagine how you must feel.

Yes, move away - it might take a while for you to be able to but it is not impossible after all. Maybe you can find a job somewhere else or so. Keep exploring your options & I hope you can get out of there in the near future.

Weird that the shrinks refuse to see you though & the doctors wont even give you some insight - have you gone somewhere else? I mean, different doctors a bit away etc. Would it help you to know what is going on with you or do you feel you need therapy? You seem to be well in control of your issues & insightful with regard to yourself & what is going on around you after all & clear. I have been dealing with anxiety & depression since my early childhood - I learned strategies, how to cope & deal with certain aspects, how to have to upper hand & keep things in control to live a normal, stable life - personally, I am skeptical of shrinks & medications. After all these years I don't think either would be helpful anymore as I had to learn to live with it the best I can & how to control my issues...I don't see any help in therapy when one got that far alone already. I know that is extremely personal but, correct me if I am wrong, you seem to be perfectly able to deal with your issues on your own without them ruining your life & you seem to be perfectly capable of relying on yourself - your problems seem to be elsewhere (circumstances you are in atm). But I don't know you in person, I might be wrong - I just see everyone on here is always relping with "therapy & medication" regardless of the issue, age, background & it somehow bothers me. There is nothing wrong with it when one needs it but I think it is not nesseccarily the answer for everyone. However, you seem like a strong person & I am sure you can make the changes that are needed so you can live a happy life - some might take a bit but I am sure you will make your way.

You seem to deal with it in a very healthy way - that is great & it is great you focus that energy on something else now. Maybe it is you brain blocking her out but even if, you feel better & that is what counts. It is really great to read how you feel now - I hope the butterfly-time lasts for a while & gives you a lot of strength & inspiration for your own life & changes for a better future, you deserve it.  

I assumed she would be 15/16 tbh but eitherway she needs to make her own mistakes, learn her own lesson & grow as a person from there. Maybe you trying to help her, telling her what not to do or trying to influence her was what she saw as "brainwashing" - I guess she just wanted to have her way & do her own thing. She doesn't seem to know what she wants yet, maybe she doesn't even understand what a relationship or love is either. She has a lot of growing up to do but neither of that is your problem anymore. Maybe she will realise sooner or later what she threw away but she will learn from that too. She had her chance & I assume many of those - it is good you closed that chapter & wont take her back if she ever wanted to come back. You know what you have to give & to offer - many people would be more than happy with that. One day you will meet your real soulmate, start a family, be happy & fulfilled - she will feel blessed to have a man like you & treat you like you deserve as well.  

I am happy I could help a bit but you are smart, strong & insightful with regards to your situation & yourself - you would have come to that point sooner or later anyway & would have broken free from what kept you down there, I am sure of it.

Really English isn't your native language? I never would've guessed that if you didn't say... your English is probably better than mine lol. You are so right, they are trained to react and deal with people that have taken overdoses, even if they are violent. I was thinking that and you have just reaffirmed my belief there. I don't know why I feel guilt about the situation when it was them that let me down, they failed me. I was in desperate need of help and they abused their authority. If the judge finds me guilty I'm just going to have to stay calm somehow and then start planning something. Maybe writing to Prince William's mental health charity, I wonder what they would think of how I was treated. Regardless of one's mental health we should all have equal rights.

?I face abuse from literally everyone, there are few with a kind heart here. And do not doubt your intuition, I'm no maniac. If I was I'm sure if would've got me locked up by now lol. Sometimes maniacs think they're normal and everyone else is mad and that's where it makes it difficult for me to solve this. But I know in my mind I am sane, although I can be weird at times, we all can. I am aware of what goes on without having to analyse anything, my emotions are stable. I can differentiate between what is paranoia and what is more than just an assumption. In fact, people look to me as being someone that has his head screwed on more than most. But at the same time, I have this anxiety and vulnerability.

?I have no more aggression than anyone else. Naturally I feel aggression building when I am being bullied... the joys of being human. They told me I might need anger management. It's like they expect a victim of abuse to just put up with it and not get mad. Of course I'm going to get mad, anyone would. All I really want in my life is peace and positivity. The only thing I hate is the negativity that people spread around, I've never understood the purpose of this.

?The people around here definitely have issues of some kind. And the way I am is triggering those issues somehow. I am very confident and driven, even though I am suffering. Maybe people look at me and think who is this guy being all confident when he is vulnerable. Maybe it offends them because they do not feel confident even though they're not suffering the way that I am. Not trying to sound as though I'm above other people in any way, but I really believe my confidence is affecting them. And I'm only confident because I've been through so much.

?I too wonder what is going on in their minds and what triggers it. I would love to see myself the way that they see me, maybe then I could understand and help them. For them to feel the need to bully me, they must be feeling some kind of distress or insecurity. People don't bully for no reason.

?I understand that you've had unhelpful experiences with shrinks and medications but I don't think you should just forget about them. Someone once told me that you have to try a few therapists until you find one that gets you. I haven't had much luck with medication, I think something like CBT or EFT would be better suited to me and maybe to you? I know you're not asking for advice but I just wanted to share some of my experience with you. Hopefully I can give something back after you have made my situation so much clearer already.

?At this moment I am greatly reducing my medication. Gone from 300mg Venlafaxine and 120mg Propranolol daily to just 75mg and 40mg. I've come to the conclusion that there's nothing really wrong with me and all of the anxieties and problems I have are socially induced, by other people. The people around me are creating the illusion that I am psychotic. And now I'm alone and they're not here I can perfectly explain everything to you. I feel like the only reason I'm taking all this medication is to carry their crap. I'm not sure why they've decided to label me as the dumping ground for their sh*t, but believe me I wouldn't put my troubles on anyone. That's why I'm here, because I can't talk to anybody. I have to say though, talking to you has been a blessing and I hope you know that. I don't mean to pour any negativity on to you, I'm sure it must be quite draining reading my messages. I guess this is all that's built up from over the years.

I thought I was blocking her out and I have been feeling a lot better. They say there's always that point after a breakup and after you've just blocked them out, where you break down and cry. I've been waiting for it but it never happened lol. Maybe I didn't love her as much as I thought. Or maybe all the hate she put on me has made it impossible for me to even feel any loss at all. If anything I feel like I've gained something by losing her.

?Anything under 16 would be jailbait here and my limit is 18 now that I'm 28. I know in the US it's a lot different though. Over here people will criticise if the age gap is more than a few years. I never intended to brain wash her in any way. I felt that she was losing her religion. She is a Muslim girl and she stopped wearing her hijab, started wearing low cut tops and talking about drinking and smoking. She even took a pictures on another guy's lap on the same street as the local mosque. I'm not Muslim or strictly religious but seeing her change like that really hurt. I felt like she was losing her true self, going astray from the path she had originally chosen, and her family had chosen. But that is no longer my responsibility. I don't want to think about how she will turn out. At least I can say that I tried to keep her on the right track, even though our beliefs were not the same, I never wanted to change her.

?Sad thing is, if she did come back asking for help, as much as I would really want to, the answer is going to be a definite no. There's just no way I can go back now. I can't forgive her for how she treated me and the way she talked to me. She lost her identity and I don't even know who she is any more. Truth is, if she really loved me she never would have treated me like that. I could never have done the same to her, even if I didn't love her. I have a heart and a conscience, I thought God gave that to us all.

?I hope I will meet my real soulmate, it feels like I've waited forever. But it will all be worth the wait when I finally meet her. I want to meet a girl and show her that there is such thing as a man that desires more than just a sexual relationship. It seemed like with this previous girl the only thing we had was that and it felt empty because there was no connection. I'm a man but I still desire that emotional connection, someone who cares and actually feels something for me. And she definitely wasn't that person. It's true what they say... girls just leave the guys that are good for them for the ones that don't give a damn about them. Actually, I guess that's the same for men too.

I am originally from Germany - moved to the US 2 years ago to be with my husband. Not my favourite country in the world, but well..the things we do for love. ^^ Thanks though - funny enough my husband tends to say the same ;P but I am aware that there is still a lot of room for improvement though - working on my vocabulary & I never understood grammar whatsoever, I guess that is not helpful either. Especially with subjects like this I think I am just always a bit worried that I put things weirdly so it is easy to misunderstand something but I am glad I am able to bring my point across - I guess that is what matters here in the end anyway.

I would assume there are ways to challenge the court decision if it came to it but you have no recollection of what even happend - I really wonder what they expect to get out of this or why it is even possible for them to drag you to court in the first place. Sure everyone should be treated equally, esp before the law - but sadly that is not the case. It's a good thing you are already looking into things you could do though if it came to it. No idea whether it would help but you are eloquent & I am sure can come up with a good letter - in the end you at least tried something instead of taking sh**, that is worth something as well imo. I really hope allgoes well though - you surely don't need such silly distractions. Btw why should you feel guilty - they got paid, their job is to help & apparently they didn't even do their job right - they surely are not the victims regardless of how you acted.

You are right, people don't bully for no reason. People who want to get offended will find ways to get offended. One just has to look at the news - all those snowflakes getting triggered & offended by literally everything when a normal, logically thinking person with a bit of common sense can just look at them & shake his head - they are ridiculous. They are making a tone of noise, trying to shove their sh** down everone's throat but they make no sense whatsoever - they don't even realise that the real problem is them & not other people. I would imagine the bullies aren't much different - they might not even be aware that you are not the problem either - that something is wrong with them & not you. Maybe it doesn't even matter to understand them in the end. I guess it must suck for them to try & put you down all the time & still you hold your head high - no wonder they are so p****d, that is really not fair. ;D I have to say it is remarkable that you are the way you are despite that - I don't read what you wrote as you being full of yourself but rather as you having a healthy, positive self-image & a good amount of confidence - nothing wrong with that. And, yes - who wouldn't get angry & fed up with being the target of those people all the time - it is a perfectly normal reaction. I wonder what the docs expect though - that you lock yourself in your home & cry all day? How is that supposed to be helpful? You sound full of forgiveness for those people, you are not playing the victim role even though all that naturally effects you - I think that is a lot healthier. But I think seeing why they bully you & that is had nothing to do with you in the end is helpful too. Honestly, if you were a sociopath or anything like that I doubt you would waste a second thinking about all those things & why they happen to you - you would go around being a giant self-rightous d*** & that would be the extend of that. You sound perfectly normal to me - you have your issues & sure everyone can be weird at times, but that nothing to worry about imo.

I guess I was just ranting - don't get me wrong, it is great forums like this exist & I am sure it is helpful for many to see that they are not alone & that there are people who struggle even more. Therapy might work for some & some might even need medication - that is perfectly fine & if one can't cope with it alone that is surely a way to go, nothing wrong with that. It just puts me a bit off when I see people reacting to teenagers struggling with their self-image, feeling over-whelmed or going through a difficult phase with "you need to have therapy & take medication". I think what they are going through is perfectly normal for that age but yet they might come to the believe that something is really wrong with them, when what they are going through is perfectly normal & helps them shape their identity & learning to deal with difficulties & relying on themselves - instead of thinking drugs are the answer & they need shrink to put their head right. Everyone knows puberty is a confusing time after all. (rant-rant-rant ^^) I don't know, I know it is my problem that that bothers me. I guess I wish I could come up with some helpful comment to help empower themselves & grow from their struggle, I think one learns so much that way - but then again I have the feelings my view on that matter might not be very popular here & tbh that is perfectly fine as well...I just hate seeing people suffer & see themselves as 'wrong' in some way but in the end I am not responsibe for anyone. I just think drugs & shrinks are the easy solutions & it wouldn't surprise me if doctors prescribed medication even when it is not really needed - so I am naturally skeptical, not even talking of the side effects of the drugs. But in the end one can only say what would be right for oneself. I guess I came to the realisation that I am just not a forum person & I can tell I will be inactive here before long. I guess I will stick around until you have nothing to say here anymore though - we are writing a novel here after all. ;D

Don't worry though - yes, I did not ask for advise but I know that you are just trying to be helpful - no harm done.   I guess that is the nature of a forum anyway - people give their views & suggestions & the other one can take it or leave it, knowing what is best for themselves anyway. I only brought myself up because I can see us being similar in that regard though. I have never been to shrinks but I have seen people go to them & nothing good coimng from it. However, I think the goal of therapy should be to see where the issues are coming from, find ways to deal with them, let go, take responsiblity, develop a certain awareness, mindfulness & strategies - I have done that on my own & I have the feeling you have developed those things too. I know where my anxiety comes from, the depression went hand in hand with it - I didn't feel I could tell anyone, I didn't even know how to understand or express what was going on after all - I was maybe around 6. I knew all that was not normal & that I needed to find healthy ways to cope with it if I wanted to life a, more or less, normal life - I had my rough patches, my dark times, my struggles, enough thoughts of ending that mess, enough things that happend to enhance my issues & of course the classic of a f***ed up childhood etc...but I think in the end it made me who I am. As you said, going through s*** makes one stronger. ;D I have my issues under control for the most parts, I am aware & observant - I notice my dark days, when it is time to pull my head out of my arse again, when my brain starts going into unhealthy directions etc. Of course I still struggle but I know how to win the upper hand again & life is never easy for no-one..not even the so-called normal people. That is why I said I am over the point where medication or shrinks would be helpful anymore - not because I have given up but because I can rely on myself & I think that is the healthiest one can do in the end. But this isn't about anyway - it is about you. ;P But now you know where I am coming from, I guess that can't hurt. To me it just seems you have that awareness, the tools, the strength to control your issues as well - you mentioned your paranoia for instance. And yes, I agree - people around you surely have their role as well. I am sure in a healthier environment things would be easier for you. Btw. I think it is great that you can reduce your medication - I hope you can eventually life live without them. Have you been to therapy though? I assume when you take medications some doctor must have diagnosed you with something. Also, I am curious as in how your anxiety & vulnerabilties show up..if you don't mind sharing.

And, please, don't worry about negativity - I have to say I can read a lot of positivity & strength in your replies, despite all you had to go through & are still dealing with. You are not sitting around whining & feeling sorry for yourself - you are active, looking for ways to change things that you can change & ways to deal with things that are outside of your power. As I said before, keep on sharing. I have to say I find our exchange interesting & I really like that you are so open about things. I can imagine a lot has build up over the years - just let it out, get it off your chest & maybe by only sharing you can get over a few things.

Maybe the point where you break down & cry will still come - maybe not. I am sure eitherway you will make the best of it. I can't imagine her walking all over you not effecting your feelings tbh - but I guess you will find out in the end.

Oh, well - I didn't even think about the legal side tbh, shame on me.^^ I am sure you never intended to brainwash her - maybe she was just extremely sensitive to someone telling her what to do or not in any way, shape or form. Well, honestly I see nothing wrong about her breaking free from that religion. Religion can be pretty limiting & if one has the feeling it is not who one is or it does not suit one's life one is always free to chose one's own path imo. I think especially a not very tolerant & suppressing (esp for women) religion like the Islam might hinder personal growth a lot - nothing wrong when one choses to live that way, everyone is entitled to their own belief system after all but why should one life a way only because that is how one was brought up? I think it is good she apparently had the freedom to chose to live like a normal girl or stay within the boundaries of that religion...maybe she is on the way of finding her true self, going in the other extrem direction until she finds a good middle...but I guess one can speculate about that until the cows come home & you are right, it is no longer your responsibility or your concern whatsoever. Well, religion is a tricky subject anyway.

It is not a sad thing that the answer would be no - it is a self-protecting thing. You know you did the right thing for yourself & as you put it you gained by losing her - I still have to say, I am glad you feel like that about it. It is always so easy to talk when one isn't emotionally involved & one wont need to go through the pain then. But I think looking at things from the distance then one sees a lot that one missed being to close to the situation. In the end now you know what you don't want & I guess you won't allow anyone to treat you like that again - that is a good thing.

You will meet your real soulmate eventually - maybe another pro for moving away, being in a healthy environment where you don't need to worry about people associated with you being targets as well. You are only 28 & even if you still have to wait 5 years, she will be worth it. Maybe your faith can help you stay patient - believing that god has a plan for you & things will come to you when the time is right or something along those lines? Usually such things happen when you least expect them anyway - I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my husband & yet, here I am, almost 5 years later - happily married to a nice guy...real women don't care about that bad boy nonesense (I never understood why some go for that - maybe they need something to complain about to their friends? no clue) & yes, I guess that goes both ways. It is true relationship is more than sexual connections...it's mind & soul connection as well, intellectual & emotional & a lot more - I guess with any of those missing there will always be a feeling of emptiness. Some people are fine with that but I think you know very clearly what sort of relationship you want & need - you will find it.

That's so cool you were willing to move countries for your love. Just shows you are loyal and really care for him. Wow... I wish I had that. Looking at what I had to deal with and seeing what you were willing to give for your husband. It just shows there are good and bad girls out there and boy did I pick a bad egg.

?I am thinking of complaining against the police and the way they treated me. Maybe I could forward some reports to some newspapers and mental health charities. I would love to be able to write to Prince William and tell him how I've been treated. I know he stands for mental health and he has given people a lot of support. I think my situation is unique enough that it would have some consideration, I mean it's worth a try. It's not just about me anymore, there are plenty of people out there suffering from abuse because of their mental health issues.

"They are making a tone of noise, trying to shove their sh** down everone's throat but they make no sense whatsoever - they don't even realise that the real problem is them & not other people. I would imagine the bullies aren't much different - they might not even be aware that you are not the problem either - that something is wrong with them & not you." - This speaks to me.

?These stupid ass bullies think they're doing good by giving me s**t. When in reality I'm just trying to live my life and they're abusing me. It's a joke. I look at them and I think "how the hell can you think what you're doing is ok?". If I treated them the same way, I wonder... how would they react?

"Maybe it doesn't even matter to understand them in the end. I guess it must suck for them to try & put you down all the time & still you hold your head high - no wonder they are so p****d, that is really not fair. ;D I have to say it is remarkable that you are the way you are despite that - I don't read what you wrote as you being full of yourself but rather as you having a healthy, positive self-image & a good amount of confidence - nothing wrong with that.?" - I've tried, really tried, to understand them. Even went through a phase of feeling sorry for them, since I still stood tall while their pathetic attempts to bring me down had failed. You suffer from anxiety, something that has been described as an "abnormality". And yet, you seem more normal than any of these bullies, the fact that you respect me for overcoming these b*stards. When they see me rise above their plots to abuse me, they wanna bring me down even more. Now that is not normal. We should want to bring each other up, not down. Sometimes I feel like I have to over-compensate and be full of myself, only because I'm so empty of everyone else. All they do is take, take, take from my energy so I have to compensate that by giving to myself. If I saw someone and they appeared to have their heads up their ass, you don't attack them or bring them down. That is counter-productive. The right thing to do is to give them a genuine compliment, that is how you balance it. Because usually these types of people have major insecurities on the inside, I should know, I'm one of them. They only act so confident or even arrogant because no one ever gave them anything, so they have to give everything to themselves. It's easy to hate a person, much more difficult to understand them, relate to them and be there for them. I don't care who someone is or what they've done or been through. If they need someone to talk to, I'm there and I'll do my best to help them. Call me a fool but I can't see anyone down, I'm a person and I love people. I love to help and solve problems for others. I'm good at that probably because I've had so many myself.

?I tried my best not to think of myself as the victim but I could only keep that up for so long. I am constantly targeted due to my vulnerability, it sounds like something out of some sick film but for me it's my reality.

?I know how it feels to have a f****d up childhood, seems to be more and more common these days, or maybe people are just more willing to speak up about it. Sometimes it's hard though, finding someone that actually cares. No one cares about what I have to say, that's why I'm here. I've tried doctors, psychiatrists... barely got a diagnosis. Now I'm seeing a probation officer and he's denying ever seeing any evidence of me having a mental illness. Even though I know he already knows, he has had evidence from my psychiatrist and GP. He said to my face "you don't have PTSD" and continued to deny it even after I named the psychiatrists and GP that said I do. I've never heard of a probation officer qualified enough to overturn a psychiatrist's diagnosis. My solicitor told the court I am not fit to plea and the probation officer didn't like that. He's trying to tell me there's nothing wrong with me when I'm having seizures, muscle twitches, out of body experiences. Corrupt as f**k. I hope no one else has to go through what I've been through and that's why I have to make this known. We need to stand up for our rights, it doesn't matter if you're suffering in your mental health that doesn't make you any less of a human. Don't let them take advantage of you, fight until you are heard!

?I have very clear signs of anxiety and vulnerability. Muscles twitches all over. Especially in my eyelids which gives the illusion that my eyes are open wide. This appears to give some form of satisfaction to the bullies. They enjoy seeing the fear in my eyes. For me personally, it would break my heart to see someone in distress. I have twitches on my neck and head which can get worse depending on how anxious I am. I also get the feeling of an electric shock throughout my body. I've developed some kind of mental formula which has allowed me to switch my paranoia on and off like a switch. My feelings are very robotic-like but sometimes certain situations can trigger emotions. I feel as though I'm reaching a point where my emotions are becoming like the paranoia. Sometimes I have the ability to simply switch my emotions off, but I can't do this all the time and I'm not sure why. There are so many processes going on in my brain it really is incredible that I have developed these coping mechanisms. It feels so normal to me to simply switch off something as powerful as my paranoia as crazy as it sounds, but I can do it, any time and anywhere. I trained my brain over several years to differentiate between what is an assumption and what is based on facts.

?They gave me medication before diagnosing me with anything specific. They just called it "anxiety" and said it isn't important to specify what it is because everything comes from anxiety.

?I have to say it does feel good to share my feelings with you. I would love to have a girlfriend that actually gives a s**t about me so I could share it with her too, but I guess that's too much to ask. My girlfriend was too busy sitting on a guy's lap and going to clubs while I was trying to kill myself. I can only pray for the man that ends up with her! God I'm still mad about it I know, I guess I was a fool to think that after 4 years she would actually care.

?I am happy for you that you have a man who does care, having that support must make life so much easier. Hope I'm not being too intrusive here, but what you've written there about you was very real and I think your husband would appreciate it if you shared it with him. It could help him to understand your anxiety more. I know you've already explained to him, but sometimes it is good to share something that wasn't originally intended for someone. Since when you wrote it you thought it would only be read by a complete stranger.

I don't think I will ever cry over her. I've cried over a girl in the past that I thought I loved. But not this time. She just didn't spark positive feelings in me so now it's almost like a relief that she's gone. I didn't even feel like she was my girl because she was on another guy. She had a nightmare attitude and seemed to hate me, though all I gave her was love. I'm not sure why that was but now I'm looking after myself more and I'm thinking hey, it's her loss haha. From what I've heard she has now broken free of her religion. She has drunk alcohol, been to clubs until 4am and had guys all over her. Well I know I definitely don't want that in my life. After everything she's supposed to have stood for, the girl I met is dead now. They're like two separate people. I keep the old her in my head and I still love that person, even though she's not around anymore. I wish she could go back to who she was originally, but after what she's done now there's no going back. I feel sick just thinking about it. I'm guessing she's going to have to give up wearing her hijab and her religion otherwise it will just be a joke. She has ruined not only our relationship, but her relationship with her family and I don't want to be a part of that right now. She's just humiliated them all. My conscience is clean since I tried everything to save her, I was there right until the end. I feel bad for her but she's not my problem now. Gotta look to the future and hopefully the girl of my dreams will walk into my life some day :D

?She was everything I wanted in the beginning. Loyal, caring, honest... and she eventually became everything I didn't want in a girl. I hope I can find a girl who is everything she once was.

?I've been through so much, especially with girls, I really do hope that God does have some sort of plan where the girl of my dreams will walk in and show me why it never worked with anyone else. I know there were a few girls I've broken up with over the years and I soon learned that they were sorry we ever broke up. I know it's going to be the same again this time, I've seen it all before. I guess it's just a matter of time until it hits her, but when it does I'm not gonna be around.

?I was down for her, 4 years you'd think we'd be planning our wedding by now. But it seemed like over night she soon forgot about me. I guess I was a real guy with the wrong girl, what I really need is a woman.

?I don't want to be the bad boy loser type... although currently that appears to be what I am. Well, either that or I'm just an idiot. All I had with this girl was a sexual relationship, she never wanted to go out anywhere, it was s**t. And even sex wasn't any good. There was no mind or soul connection, felt like she kept blocking it out, no wonder she got over me so quick. Guess she will never know what we could have had. It's not me because I remember having real connections in the past, the type where you could literally be in bed all night until morning. With her it barely lasted 10 minutes... I'm the guy and I'm complaining about the length of time wtf is that about lol. But seriously, I thought it was like something had happened to me, but it wasn't, it was her all along. Well I've saved all of my emotional, sexual energy that she didn't want and the right girl will have it all from me.

?You're so right that some people are happy with their empty relationships, no connection. I could never settle for that, that's why I wasn't happy. I crave it all, physical, emotional, sexual... I want intense heart-pounding attraction not this trash where she's over me in no time. I just have to remind myself that I was always being real, it is her that changed, she withdrew her feelings.

Well, he would have come to Germany as well but there were several things that made it so it made more sense for me to move - he would have done the same for me though. Sure there are good & bad girls/women out there...but there also is an ass for every seat, like they say & so many different ideas of relationships..in the end you have to find someone who has the same basic ideals as you. I think we established that already somewhere in our novel. ^^

As I said, explore the options you have & the things that would make sense - think about them rationally as to what does really make sense & what would only be going something for the sake of doing something (would forwarding the story to the press help your situation in the town for instance, I think that could be tricky). I still think the Prince William thingy sounds like a good idea though (i don't really know anything about though). Sure, it can't hurt to try something & maybe at least get something good out of it - I guess it is better than taking all that gets thrown at you but I think you should always see what would be smart there. You are intelligent though, you will do what is right.

Well, I don't think bullies think about whether it is okay or not, in the first place - they just do what makes them feel better for a while & think it is worth it, I guess. If you treated them the same? Well, as I said - look at the snowflakes/liberals in the press. They bully, are hateful, racist, sexist & all that crap & yet accused everyone of that who isn't "one of them", whether there is a basis for or not - because somehow, in their small, narrow-minded world, it makes sense & they are under like-minded people so there is no-one to beat some sense into them or make them think about their bs...works the same, that is why bullies are usually "stronger" together. Just looking at them you can learn a lot about how bullying works & what kind of people does it. I guess sometimes one just has to understand that one can't understand something & give up wasting one's energy on that. I know politics is another tricky topic & I am usually not a political person, but seeing the last election so close (psycho-terror for well over a year) one can't help but to have an opinion...I came to the conclusion that sometimes people just don't make sense & I have given up to try to understand how the left works tbh - they don't make sense whatsoever & I just don't get it, but then again I don't need to either, that's the beauty of that. ;D As for your bullies, they never put any thought into why you are how you are or trying to understand you either - maybe one day you can make your peace with that fact that you don't fully get it. I know there are some obvious reason as to why but I think you know what I mean.

Well, at least you are aware of the fact that you tend to over-compensate here & there & even if you are full of yourself then I still don't think you are being an ass to people who don't deserve it. I can understand you there though, one has to keep oneself strong somehow after all - but you wouldn't treat someone who suffers or is weak like they do & that is the difference & what matters. Exactly, one doesn't beat someone who is on the ground already - but they are not strong enough to beat some strong, so they choose someone that is weak in whatever way so they feel they can "win". Sure it is easy to hate someone but that doesn't mean one needs to treat them like s**t...I tend to ignore people I don't like if I can & if not I am just extremely neutral...I assume the bullies don't have to interact with you either so I would assume they could just ignore you as well, but I guess that would be too "easy"... I still hope you can find a way to get yourself out of those situations though & find a healthier & saver place to live - I am sure it would make things easier for you. And no, why calling yourself a fool for wanting to help people & having compassion - it's a great thing to do. I guess one only has to be careful not to be abused there (as you know too well) but it is nice when one is able to help..I guess esp when one has issues oneself it is so much easier to have compassion because one knows how it feels.

Honestly, you don't come across like you see yourself as a victim here - what I meant is being weak, saying one can't do anything anyway & not taking responsiblity though. I think you do what you can in your situation & ofc you are a victim but playing the victim role is something else...I could bring up my sister here for instance, she does s**t like that since I can remember. Now she is going to therapy since a year or so for her anxiety issues - she is still blaming everything on her childhood & her father, who was so "horrible" (no, he was not but he had his own mental issues & there where plenty of things that didn't help there either & made it worse for him back then) But a lot of how things went are her fault as well but she rather plays the victim role instead of taking responsiblity & trying to understand things because that is so much easier & gives her so many excuses for being a ****, it makes me sick. I have nothing to do with her anymore since some years for several reasons but what I hear from my mother about how things are going there just makes me angry..she is a very self-centered person, always has been - everything is always about her blah-blah - I guess she is happy to pay her shrink all that money to talk about herself all day long though - so, I guess more power her. ^^ But that is what I meant with seeing yourself as a victim - you don't do that but there are plenty of people who do, sadly.

Haha, yeah - that is why I said the "classic" of a f****d up childhood...seems all too common these days, unfortunatelly. I would assume people are just more open about it - I guess in older generations that were things one just didn't talk about, like mental issues etc.

No-one cares about what you have to say? Don't you have family & friends? Eitherway, it is great you found a helpful place for you with this forum.

That probation officer sounds weird - maybe he doesn't know how to deal with you if he accpected the diagnosis so he pushes it away? Maybe he has no experience there so he rather treats you like everyone else because it is easier for him - just an assumption, but I think that would be the only thing that would somehow make "sense"..it's a shame though. What are you on probation for, if I may ask?

Ah, I see - so the way your issues show is something you couldn't really hide even if you wanted to? So it is obvious for people to see that something is going on. I think in a way it is good that you can control your feelings, somehow one has to "function" after all but robotic-like doesn't sound very healthy. Is that how you have always felt or did that come with the abuse? Ah, another question did you grow up in the town you live in now & if so has it always been like that?

See, that is a problem I have with medication - how can you just make someone dependend on drugs & not really help him? And, honestly I think you deserve a clearer diagnosis than just anxiety & a "here are some drugs to sort of tranquillize you" & that is that. Imo, if you get medication you should get therapy - that should go hand in hand. I understand therapy without medication (if that is even a thing) but you shouldn't be made depended on drugs long-term unless there is really something about your brain chemistry that you can't fix without. I would assume you have a right for a clear diagnosis so you can better understand what is going on - but then again I have no insight in the whole system.

Thank you & well, having someone makes some things easier & others harder, regardless of how much they care tbh. Now I have someone to worry sick about & get my anxiety up that way as well. I am always relieved when he comes home from work because I always worry something happens on the way - I got a lot better dealing with that though but that is something that makes my anxiety worse for instance..or when he is sick etc. But one can't be a good wife with one's head in one's arse & his mind busy with irrational s**t - it forces me to have my issues under control better as well, I need to take care of my man after all. ^^ I think he doesn't really understand my anxiety too well because it is hard to understand things like that from the outside - he always says I need to relax when I get p****d, worked up or too worried about things (I am a horrible stresshead, he can just block things out..I still need to learn that from him..but sometimes I feel like I worry for the both of us while he relaxes for the both of us ^^)  I am just always on alert in the back of my head due to how my issues started, so it takes a lot for me to be able to relax a bit. He does his best do be supportive, help me where he can etc though - I don't expect him to solve my issues anyway, that is my responsibility. He has his issues as well but I think he has come a long way since we met & is a lot better now. You are not being intrusive, don't worry - my husband knows a lot more then the short summary I gave you & I know a lot from him there as well. We had a long-distance relationship for a long time - only skype, a lot of talking. Surely not helpful with anxiety & other issues, esp the year we had to wait for a decision on my fiancee visa was hard - depending on other people to allow us to be together or not in the worst case, nothing much we could do - but yeah, that is what they call "normal processing time" & we made it through it. But when you are forced to only talk for so long you get to know each other very well, I would say. Ofc we talked about other things as well or were just silly etc but I think he knows enough to know where I am coming from & why certain things are the way they are.

Wow, I am actually suprised that you were together for 4 years. How many of them have been like what you described here though? Haha, yep - see it as her loss, the best you can do.

Well, as I said, I think it is good she broke free from a religion like that - you should have the right to choose what you believe in & what suits you best there. I don't get the concept of forcing your child to live in the limitations of  a religion that you have chosen or where forced into yourself - that is sort of abusive in itself imo & that "you bring shame on the family" crap is nothing but bullying as well, imo. But you seem to see that as the start of her changing or am I wrong? I am sure whatever changed her caused her to be unable to follow the rules of that hateful religion & as a woman I applaud her for that tbh. Religion doesn't make you a good person - there are a lot of narrow-minded a**holes that are religious too after all..but you know I am not a religious person, so I guess maybe I just don't get it. I don't think she humiliated anyone but you though (by basically cheating & making a fool out of you) - that religion is very wrong in many aspects. She liberated herself & even though how she went about certain things clearly wasn't right, she - like everyone else - has a right to live a free life that makes her happy...well, who knows whether it does - I would still say she maybe over-compensated a bit too much after being held down by her family's believes for too long & hopefully she finds a healthy balance eventually. But, yeah - not your problem anymore - put her in the past where she belongs & concentrate on yourself & your future - so your heart & mind are free for the right one. Well, I think you know you don't do anyone justice wanting a girl who is everything she once was - you want someone who is everything you need, would be better - you aren't looking for a replacement after all.

Yep, when you meet the right one you will understand why it never worked with anyone else - such things one just can't force. Sometimes they are not meant to be or last &/or meant to teach us a lesson. I am sure you have learned a lot from your past relationships & looking at why they failed, what you could do better, what you want & need etc, you learned a lot about yourself in the end - that is worth a lot. I have always been awfully idealistic about love tbh - I always wanted to meet someone & stay with him forever, only one. I never imagined getting married though, but well, how things change. ^^ I was that girl with her head in the clouds & full of music, always busy thinking about life & everything, always carrying a book around - one of those "weirdos". ^^ I never cared about boys tbh, I never really got why others my age where so crazy about them, I had other things to think about after all. But I always hoped to meet the right one & then it will be forever...that sounds so horribly cheesy & ofc that is not how life works but well, teenagers. ;D I have only been in two relationships (not counting one puppy love thing in primary school, that doesn't count as a relationship in my book). I learned a lot from the first one, taking my time to get over it, looking at it & seeing why it just couldn't work - I was done with love after that tbh, thinking if that is how that is I don't need that s**t...I am married to my second relationship. Only time will tell in the end but so far, even though we had hard times & we both have our issues, things are good & we have plenty of plans for the future together.

Yes, you don't need a girl you need a woman - someone mature enough to know what she wants & not f**k around, someone who can appreciate a good guy, has long-term goals & a plan for the future, someone you can grow with instead of growing apart in a matter of months or a few years...such women are out there, I am sure. I don't know how many past relationships you have had, how long they lasted & why they didn't last in the end but as long as you take a lesson from them, I think, you can only go forward. I actually wonder that you had a sexual relationship with here - doesn't one need to be married for that in her religion or something? haha, well - see now you know how women feel there about the duration, at least you got a deeper understanding about that if nothing else. ;D

Everyone settles for what they feel right - but many people can't be alone. I saw that with my sister (since I brought her up already why not taking another shot at her ^^) - she constantly had new boyfriends, I never understood that. I mean, how can you get over someone so fast but I guess she never knew what love is & I have the feeling she still doesn't...she is stuck in a relationship with some loser now - engaged because she wanted him to stop proposing all the time ( he asked all his grilfriends before her as well, gives you an idea about how much that means) over 2 years now, I think - no plans to get married or anything. She isn't happy, as far as I know, trying to make it work somehow more or less at times, afraid of being alone..in a way it is sad but it is her life, maybe she takes responsibility for all her s**t eventually. ^^ But it is good that you know what you want & need to make you happy though...as I said, move away, change the scenery, find a healthy place for you to live (& maybe raise a family one day) & concentrate on your own well-being (I know you do that already though)...who knows who you meet along the way.

That's good that he was willing to go to Germany too. Every relationship needs a balance. If one person is playing games or trying to deceive it goes out of balance and the attraction soon fades. It sounds like you have an equal balance of give and take between both of you, that's why your relationship has been a success. Unfortunately my ex seems to have lost her morals. I always made it clear to her that love, honesty and loyalty is all that I need. But her love soon turned to hate, honesty turned to lies and loyalty turned to cheating. I have still kept my morals and I will give love, honesty and loyalty with whoever comes into my life next. I wish I could say the same about her, but as we all know, when someone cheats or lies in one relationship, it almost always continues again and again. I'm sure her next man will figure that out though if he is smart.

?I'm not sure if trying to get my story published in newspapers will help or not. Mental health issues or not, we all have rights. And no one deserves to be the emotional punch bag of another. The trauma that mental abuse can cause is usually far worse than any physical abuse. Sometimes people wish they were dead rather than to take the constant abuse and harassment that bullies like to give.

?I have looked at bullies to see what it is that makes them act in this way. They seem to be not very happy with their lives and usually very insecure. They must see me as being "better" than they are so then they try to bring me "down" to their level. When in reality all they're doing is reaching a new low and putting me on a pedestal.

?There have been some bullies that seem to have tried to understand me. But they always see everything from a negative view. As if everything I do or say is bad. They can't see that this is coming from their minds and has nothing to do with me at all. They try to assign bad things to me, as if I am a bad person for having anxiety.

?You're right that the bullies do have the option to ignore me, as I ignore them. But they are what they are and they enjoy targeting vulnerable individuals like myself.

?I used to see everyone else as victims. I would blame myself for everything little thing and carry the weight of the world of my shoulders. But now I have matured I can see that it isn't all my fault. Maybe I have made a few mistakes here and there but haven't we all. From a troubled childhood I have tried to make the best out of my life from the cards I was dealt.

?In older generations if you had mental issues you were seen as evil or a witch. It seems that these people I'm dealing with haven't progressed past this. Maybe they are not educated on mental issues.

I used to be perfectly fine until I began being bullied and developed a vulnerability. Since then people have taken advantage of this and used it for their own satisfaction. People close to me and others who don't know me see this and take a step back. They don't want to be associated with a victim. They would rather join the majority and continue the abuse. I grew up in this town, it is mainly the last few years after using exercise pills and street drugs that I have developed more anxiety. And since then the people have taken advantage of this and tried to make it worse.

?I was with my ex for 4 years and she appeared to support me through my troubles. But when she started to notice other people bullying me she just seemed to join them. I was really disappointed in her and felt like she had betrayed me.

Yes I was actually with her for 4 years. For the first 2-3 years she was loyal, honesty and respectful. She seemed to care about me and would run at the chance to spend time with me. Her personality was what attracted me. I thought she was the one, I had never met anyone that made me feel the way that she did. All that changed when she started manipulating me and bullying me because of my illness. I think this happened after she saw other people do it. Monkey see monkey do I guess. I could tell she had been talking to my exes or speaking to people that new them. Because she soon started impersonating the way they speak and trying to recreate events that happened with them in the past and might have caused me distress. She wanted to recreate these moments to try and hurt me.

?She isn't the first girl to be hell-bent on irritating me, there have been others in the past though not many. I have met several girls with a good heart but unfortunately I lost contact with them.

?I'm not sure if it was right what she did. You say it is good that she broke free from her religion. But she told me she was fasting just yesterday. It seems she thinks she can break the rules and still be a Muslim, unless what she told me is a lie. I think it's quite disrespectful if it true that she drunk alcohol and danced with multiple guys. Her family have now kept her on lockdown and are pulling her out of college before her exams, or so she says (she lies compulsively). So everything she's done has just backfired on me. If she had stayed of me none of this would of happened. I guess it's just "karma" for how she treated me.

?She humiliated herself in front of her community when she took pictures with some barber holding her and grabbing her ass. She claimed it was a "hot" picture but really it was disgusting. Shows how much respect he had for her. This was done on the same road as the mosque with probably many of people that knew her walking past the place watching. She then went clubbing wearing next to nothing, she says her brothers friend danced with her then filmed her with other guys, drinking and showed her brother. Yet again this could be a load of lies as she rarely tells the truth anymore.

?For any girl, religion aside, what she did in the barbers with a random man and then dancing with one guy after another. She seems to have lost all respect for herself and I can just picture people watching and laughing at her on both of those occasions. Tbh I've lost respect for her myself and I was the only one that had her back.

?I'm not strictly religious so I do get where you're coming from, I was brought up as a Christian but stopped going to church when I was a kid. I understand she might wanted to have liberated herself and she did that when she met me. But by throwing that away and doing what she's apparently done now, she's brought more harm on herself than good. She told me she would rather stay with them and be on lockdown forever than be with me. Because they fed and clothed her. So now she is basically her slave when she could have been with me and I would've allowed her to drink, go out with friends if she stayed loyal.

?She seems to think that every girl is going out dancing with loads of guys, she doesn't understand that it doesn't look good. It was probably -5C when she went out and she was wearing a tiny 2-piece outfit. Honestly I don't know what she was thinking... I'm just glad I wasn't there with her.

?You're so right, I can't keep holding on just because she once was everything I wanted. She ain't that now and she's showing no signs of coming back. Even if she did I couldn't forgive what she's told me she's done. And even if this is all a big lie, she had plenty of chances to say the truth. I can't be with a girl that compulsively lies, no one deserves that. An honest, loyal man deserves an honest, loyal woman.

?I did go through a phase of thinking I could've done better for her. In the end I realise I could've done better than her. I was always begging her to see me, offering her food, wanting to take her places. She kept me as an option, someone to see when she had nothing else to do. I've realised I'm better than that. I want a girl that will come running to see me and give me all the love I deserve. And of course I'm going to do the same in return.

?You're right that in any religion, whether Jew, Muslim or Christian, you must be married to have sex. As a Muslim you shouldn't have any relationship at all before marriage. The punishment of course is eternal hellfire. From what I've researched on Islam a sin like this could have been forgiven if she later married me, as I was the only guy she had been with. This would mean that she would only been thrown into the fire for a limited time. But now that she has done what she's done, Islam or any religion, says that she must burn forever and ever and never reach heaven. That's why I can only pray that she hasn't done what she says, because although I am not strictly religious, I believe because all of the religions are very clear about it. And she was born in a strictly Muslim family with knowledge and she knew the consequences of her actions. So in that environment there is no mercy from God.

?This girl was the one I wanted to marry until the past few months happened. I never proposed because the time wasn't right, but I wanted to and I have never wanted to with any other girl in my life. I like to think that this is a sign from God that she isn't right for me. One day she will learn that lies and cheating won't get her anywhere, but by that time it will be too late. It's inevitable that whoever she meets next is going to do the same to her, whether she is loyal or not. I've seen it happen with every one of my relationships where the girl was dishonest or not loyal.

Trying to merge the two replies in one now.

Yes, every relationship needs a balance but I think that comes with respect & love anyway. Ofc there is sometimes more giving or taking on one side but as long as the overall balance stays intact, I would say that isn't unnormal. Honestly, i would feel bad only taking - it is nice to give something back but maybe some people just don't care or get used to only taking. I think it is great you keep & kept your morals depite her getting so out of control there - one day you will find someone who replies with the same integrity as you give them. I guess it is always hard to repair things that have been so damaged by lies, disrespect & disloyalty - I can tell you tried but it always takes two to make things work, but you know that.

I am surprised the bullies tried to understand you, that is unusual - were they really bullies or "just" their "followers"? Sometimes those people somehow know it is wrong & have compassion but follow the majority anyway out of fear, insecurity or whatever reason. Sometimes people are just unaware of a lot of things & go through life like that - I guess the best thing one can do is to shelter oneself & look after one's own well-being - but I think you do that from what I read. Seeing yourself as a victim & bad is surely the worst thing one can do - it is like setting yourself up for self-hate & self-destruction in a way. My husband came from that - blaming himself for everything, thinking he is bad due to his childhood & difficult relationship with his father (he basically left the family, being busy with his own issues (drugs, prison etc)), he always felt guilty, like he is not worth it & that all is his fault. He gladly got over that & I can't tell you how nice it felt when he joked about that the first time when we drove past the court-house "I wonder whether my dad is home" - he could barely speak about him before, he would always get so dark, emotional & beat himself up, it was so painful to watch & I am glad I was able to help him there. It is good you realise that you can't be to blame for everything either - of course you are in situations & ofc how you act etc has an influence as well but you are not alone defining things there & I think being aware of that & getting rid of that guilt bullsh*t is healthier anyway.

Well, it seems you know clearly where your issues come from/started - maybe doing some reflecting there could help you figure something out & solve them? Did the drugs have something to do with everything changing & the symptoms you display or does that go deeper?

Well, you started dating her when she was basically still a child - maybe she got to the point where she felt there must be more, or like she was missing out, some puberty rebellion, some testing out her boundaries, thinking she needs more experience & getting some meaningless attention dressing like a hooker was more interesting than some stable relationship? - maybe some ideas her friends got in her head & maybe her not knowing who she is or wants to be she is easily influenced by people she thinks "know it better". That is one reason why I was surprised about her age though - she sounded like she was going through puberty to me & we both know what a confusing, conflicting, insecure time that can be...she seems a bit behind there. Maybe she is between wanting to be an adult & doing what she wants & experiencing new things, on the one hand & still being a child doing what her parents want & expect & following the "safe" rules she was brought up in, on the other...I guess that would explain a lot of her actions tbh. Not saying what she did or how she behaves is okay but it seems like she is very unaware & immature in the end. It is sad she threw such a long relationship away like that though - it could have been so romantic but it seems to me like she is doing some catching up stuff or figuring things out, usually people do that during puberty..well, some forever. Maybe she will realise later what a laughing stock she made of herself but truth is there are many girls like that running around thinking they are hot as s**t & cool as f**k & getting all that meanigless attention from guys is worth something....but maybe that is a phase she needs to go through to figure out who she is or wants to be. Really sucks for you though, those things really sound disgusting & I can only imagine how they felt & feel for you. But yes, you can do better for yourself.

I guess religions with their dogmas, archaic set of rules that doesn't really fit in the world we live in anymore & never moderized, the suppression by her parents etc possibly play a role too  - I think religions don't really produce healthy, independend, thinking individuals - esp when they are about rules that one needs to follow even if they deny or contradict your very own being, suppression & all those other bs things..some religions are worse than others but they all are sort of cults anyway. Well, I hope she can liberate herself one day then - it is a shame her parents hold her down so much instead of raising a healthy, independend, reliable daughter & care for her happiness. I was brought up with the freedom to believe what I wanted or not believe anything at all - free to find my own way, I guess that is one reason why I don't get all that stuff. I don't get all that sin & hell stuff you seem to be into a lot, for instance - the two things that make sense for me after death is either re-incarnation or nothing, but I guess we will find out one day. ;D

You said she hasn't been with anyone before you - maybe that is some issue too? Learning about your exes, them getting in her head & messing with it... but yes, you are right she humiliated herself as well & even if all of those weird things she tells are not true that is no basis for a healthy relationship. Honestly, she is 18 - why doesn't she move out instead of making herself a slave & living a life her parents want instead of finding what makes her happy? Hell, I was out of the house at 17. I guess there are a lot of things that messed with her head though - her family & that horrible religion on one side & those "worldly" on the other side..but the damage is done & from the sounds of it you would have given her all she would have asked for & more & let her have her freedom more than she has now but maybe she couldn't see those things or their value yet. But everyone chooses the life they live in a way - I hope, for her own sake, she can break free for good one day & live the life that makes her happy. As far as religion - I don't see anything taking wrong with not following a strict set of rules but build one's own belief system instead - taking things that are appealing or whatever from different religions & leaving the rest out - make something healthy, rules one can follow, things that one feels enrich one's life etc.

But knowing a bit more now, I can see why you tried to hold on to what was broken for so long still. After all one fights for what one loves. But there I don't understand her - after all the time just turning against you because of some stupid people? She knew what kind of person you were better than anyone after all, I assume - maybe she is too young to understand that one stands by the side of someone one loves through good & bad... I wouldn't care if the whole world was against my husband & if standing by him meant having them against me too, they are not the people who matter & can happily go to hell, as far as I am concerned. I still believe there must have been more that caused her to act out like that..it is sad she never communicated that with you though, but then again it was her own choice & I guess eventually one has to make one's peace with the fact that one will never know. After all, all here are just speculations..I hope all that talking about her maybe helped you a bit. Eventough it seems you are still in contact or again, so I guess you still need a bit time to close that chapter for good. ;p

However, I think you should concentrate on yourself again more - get back to that butterfly stage. I can read a lot of hurt feelings & disappointment from what you wrote but I hope you can free yourself from that eventually - from those feelings & her still messing with your head in a way. I think the more room we give to something in our head, the more room it takes up in our life & the more power it takes away from us - surely goes for anxiety & other issues but I think it is true for people as well.

Hi mrs, yeah that does make more sense to merge the replies into one lol.

?I'm not sure whether she didn't care or if she was used to taking. But she did seem to take more than giving anything to the relationship. I always wanted to go out places with her but she would always turn me down, even when I offered to pay for her lunch. We would stay at my place and I'd offer her food. But even when she did see me it'd never been more than a couple of hours. Usually she would say 3 hours and be gone within half the time. After we had sex she would leave straight away without wanting to talk to me. It suggested to me that there was no emotional commitment to the relationship and it was only physical, at least to her.

?You're right it does take two to make things work. And I felt like I was the only one wanting everything and willing to give everything. I have been damaged, mentally and emotionally by this relationship, but I have also learned a lot.

?It is strange but yes the bullies are always trying to understand me. It's not something you would normally expect but they want to learn more about me. They do this so they can find out what makes me tick, what makes me fall, they use this to get to me. Even the followers of these bullies are bullies themselves. They are very calculative and will follow me places and go somewhere if they know I'm going to be there. Call it stalking or harassment but they seem to think they're doing nothing wrong. Or as you said, maybe they are following the majority out of fear or insecurity or just an attempt to fit in. People are like sheep, they will follow and believe whatever other people follow or believe.

?I certainly have been to blame in some situations, I can't deny that. But in the majority of situations I have suffered abuse and I used to just put up with it. But now I have no problem talking back to people if they have an attitude with me. I believe that we should treat people how we wanted to be treated. If you disrespect someone, don't be surprised if they do the same to you.

?The drugs were not the root cause of my symptoms. The symptoms have always been there but I guess I was the only one to notice them. I never complained about it to anyone I just got on with my life. Now I'm really glad I never mentioned it to anyone otherwise I would've had even more abuse as a child.

?She was like a child when we first met each other, strangely enough she seemed more mature back then. I think she does feel that there is something more out there than what we have but boy is she going to have a big surprise. Since this is her first relationship she doesn't realise how good she's got it. I can't imagine how another guy would react experiencing what I have. I feel like any other guy would've murdered her by now. Being 28 and having had a few relationships already, I know that what we had was actually something special. I don't think she will ever find another guy that was as supportive and caring as I was for her. I mean I would've done literally anything for her. I can't imagine what she will go through in the future with other guys no matter how she treats them. I'm sure you know yourself that it is a cold world out there and there are a lot of heartless a**holes who are looking for someone just like her. I wish I could save her from that, but I guess that's her karma for how she treated me. When the next guy she meets is tearing away at her heart like a dog with a piece of meat, I'm sure she'll come running to me to pick up the pieces. But it'll be too late and even now I can't forgive what she's done.

?Our relationship hasn't been stable for a long time. I think she purposely makes it that way because she finds it more interesting. In a way she's just sabotaged her own life. She is very immature, she tells so many stories. She seems to think that she looks very young, although she does actually look 18/19. She says men look at her when she doesn't wear make-up and some guy talked to her, couldn't believe she was over 18 and wanted to see her birth certificate. I don't know what she's trying to imply to me but I want a woman not a little girl. I don't think she understands that.

?We could've had something really special and romantic. I've never had anything like that and I would've loved to treat her with the love and respect that she once deserved. But now, I've lost respect and girls that act the way she does do not deserve respect. I think deep down she must be ashamed of the things she's done. I can't imagine how people look at her or what they say to her in college. I'm not sure why she puts value on getting this meaningless attention from guys. She's just doing things that people don't really like to impress people that don't really care about her.

?I told her she should move out instead of being a slave to her family. She doesn't realise that she's an adult now. I even offered her to live with me and I would let her go out to clubs if she stays loyal but she wasn't interested. She said being loyal to her family is more important than anything. Well if that was true she wouldn't have had a 4 year relationship with me and did all those other things.

?I literally offered her a life where she could have it all. A man that loves and cares for her, cooks for her every night. I would've got a car to pick her up after college. She would have the freedom to go out In the nights, with or without me and I would've picked her up even at 3/4am. Not many girls get the best of both worlds like that, but that's what I offered and she didn't want it. So I guess she has chosen her own life now. I'm sure one day she will wonder "what if?" and that will be one question she will never get an answer to.

?I really don't know why she listened to her friends and other people about me. These are people that have never even met me and she's been with me for 4 years. It doesn't make any sense. I guess I'm not the only person with trust issues although I gave her every reason to trust me. I have never broken her trust. I have so much respect for the relationship you have with your husband, that is how it should be. When you are with someone, it should be you and them against the world. No one else gives a damn more than your partner, no one really cares about anyone in this world anyway. So why waste time impressing people that barely acknowledge your existence, that's what I can't get my head around. It could've been me and her against the world if it had to be, I never would've let her down.

?I am barely talking to her, it's just been messages here and there. I used to ask her to call every night but now I don't even care. Actually she messaged me earlier asking if I wanted to see her for a bit and I turned it down. Why would I want to see her after how she's treated me? It's like she thinks she has something to share with me when all she does is drain me of my positivity. She has nothing to give and when guys look at her they see a girl that's easy to take advantage of. In her head she probably thinks that means she has something of value, but really they only go to her because they know no other girls would be interested in them.

?There is definitely more that she hasn't communicated to me. There's something that I don't know about. She did say she doesn't like my dad and that's something I've heard twice before in my relationships. But there must be more to it than that. She also mentioned her family would never accept me because she's Bengali and I'm not. It's crazy it's nearly 2018 and people are still discriminating against race and culture. How would they like it if I discriminated against them? They live in a British country and they can't accept a man who is half Asian anyway? Wtf is that about lol

I think you should start to focus more on yourself again & less on her - get over the hurt & the confusion & find a way to put all that energy in yourself & improving your life & situation. But as I said, only you will determin & know when you can close this chapter for good - if you need to stay in contact longer, that is your decision but it gives her more time & opportunities to mess with your head & you & consume your time wondering  - I am not sure that helps you (or her tbh) but your are the judge of that anyway. I feel that sometimes a clear cut is better, that's all. Did you communictae to her that it is over from your side? I have the feeling your are sending mixed messages & ofc then she writes & ofc you get confused again & it messed with your head thinking of all the "why the hell did she tell me that now?" etc. I guess it is easier getting over someone really letting go, healing one's own wounds & looking to define a new future, making new plans etc...but I know everyone has their own time. 

She seems to like to play games from the sounds of it & yes, with her leaving so soon all the time & all those other things that seems weird there & where it looks like she tried to push you away & not really let you in her life (meeting her friends, letting you take her out etc) it really sounds like it wasn't really anything emotional for her. I can understand her not wanting to depend on you though, but looking at it who knows whether her being a "slave" to her family is any better - but it is her decision, I assume she has her reasons. Maybe it is time for you to take the "old" her off the pedestal & take a close look there too though? Maybe a lot of the things she was was what you wanted her to be & see in her, same goes for the relationship - maybe it was so special because you wanted it to be & the way you felt was more influenced by that in the end. I think we sometimes tend to see more in people than they really are & then are in for a cruel awakening, esp when we are blinded by love. Not saying that is the case but maybe something to think about. To me it sounds like she never really cared or had true feelings - I mean when you are in love you want to spend every minute together, you do crazy things, you want to make memories together etc. I can't tell you how many hours of sleep I lost talking to my husband (also due to different time zones) & I didn't care, even though it clearly wasn't too healthy. We used to spend all weekend on skype - I kid you not, we left the mic on & went to sleep together because we didn't want to be without each other. But, as I said before, maybe she doesn't know what a mature relationship is & maybe that isn't what she wants or needs atm anyway. Maybe she needs some friends with benefits nonesense or someone who treats her like she treated you - some people need constant drama to keep things"interesting" & maybe you were too "boring" in the end because what you had to offer was too loyal, mature & stable - you know what I mean?..I guess in the end it just wasn't meant to be because too many things didn't fit - one day you will know why, I am sure.

It is sad that some people need others to define themselves though - whether they are aware or not that this meaningless attention is actually worthless or not. You can see a lot of people in the world who need constant validation from others because they can't find it in themselves so they do what ever it takes to get attention...I guess the more people the better & if she is like that you can only lose anyway. I mean, I am not really on to talk - my self-image has always been really bad tbh - but somehow good or bad attention from others never really did anything, so I really don't know how that works. I can just imagine it is pretty sad to constantly look at others to feel like one is worth something & maybe even then it doesn't cut it in the end...but everyone leads the life they choose.

That is weird though - if different people tell you your father is an issue maybe there is something to it? Can you see what might cause problems with him though?

Ha, well - she coming from a religion that has zero tolerance for other people & their believes & zero respect for others..that is what she was always taught, that is how she grew up. Go to their country & try to build a church - but they put their s**t here everywhere & don't even see or know to appreciate the tolerance that shows. But I guess you know my stand-point there by now. ;P I have zero issues with other people's believes or religion as long as they know it is their own & everyone has the right to believe what they want & not try to force their narrow-minded, sick, hateful believes on everyone & terrorize the whole world..they should go back to their s****y country if they hate freedom so much imo, that is all I can say there. You are right, they live in the western world - they should respect & understand that things are more open here & that race of religion doesn't matter that much in the end - we are all human after all. And love surely doesn't care about those things to begin with. But I think you should take a close & objective look at your whole relationship & see whether it was really want you always thought it was, maybe it makes it easier to move on to realise that it maybe wasn't that special in the end as much as that probably hurts. Btw. it is great - all you would have given her, all the freedom & support - sadly she didn't want any of those things but stay like that, eventually someone will appreciate all that very much

I hope you can put all the energy in working on your real issues one day though & get better - you know you deserve a better life after all. It is creepy that those people even follow you around though. ;o I guess in a way having them "try to understand you" to find out weak spots & target you better is even worse than some "normal" bullying - I am sure it must be hard to trust people with that & I really hope you can improve your situation somehow.

I've just forgotten about her now. She was messaging me and wanted to see me the other day but I couldn't be bothered. I just asked myself "what am I getting out of seeing her?". When I see her all I get is my energy taken from me. She never contributed anything to our relationship. She was useless in bed and never made an effort to improve. I can't do anything with her, she's not enough for me. I think I knew it all along but it's only now that I've had to accept it.

?Even if her family did accept me and she saw me several times a week... even if we lived together and did things that any couple does. It still wouldn't be enough for me because she isn't enough for me. Quality is everything and I've settled for 2nd best for far too long, I deserve better than that.

?I have woken up and now I can see that what you're saying is completely right. I've been looking at her and only seeing what I want to see. But in reality she's nothing like the girl that I want in my life. I used to see her as this beautiful angel, the kind of girl I would want to spend every minute and do crazy things with. Now I look at her and she seems so worn out and tired of life... like she just can't be bothered anymore. Her lack of enthusiasm just makes me wonder what I ever saw in her. If I never speak to her or see her again, I will be fine, happy even. I know there's much better out there for me, I've had better in the past. I guess the sooner I put her in the past the quicker I will get to see what's next for me.  At this moment I have no urge to ever talk to her again so I guess she's in the past already. She doesn't exist.

?Definitely there has been multiple girls that complained about my father. My first girlfriend was terrified of him when I brought her to the house and he woke up, came downstairs and told me to drop her home. Our relationship soon failed because there was no where for us to go. I met her parents but she was too scared to meet him again.

?A year later I met another girl and we were together for about a year and a half. She also wasn't welcome at our house, I think it was because she's a girl. When she broke up with me she said it's because my dad phoned her and said I have mental issues and I don't have a job. She said that was a wake up call for her and never talked to me again.

?I met several girls after her that also told me they were too afraid to visit me. I had another girlfriend of 3 years, she even stayed over a few times. She was quite pushy so my dad was afraid to kick her out. She tried talking to him alone to see what is wrong but she told me she couldn't understand. She said she feels like he doesn't want any one taking me away from him. After 3 years we broke up because I couldn't drive her to work in my dad's car. She found it hard to believe that I was 26 at the time and wasn't allowed to drive the car, she thought I was lying to her. But it was actually the truth.

?I hate to admit it but what you've said there is true. She has been raised to have zero respect for others and their beliefs. She sees me as an enemy. And although I tolerated her and her beliefs and even encouraged them, I was never appreciated for that. Now everyone is learning to lose respect and not care about each other if they do not live or believe they way that they would like. It's like a vicious cycle.

?Love is quite clearly above race and even religion. If God wanted to, he would've made it so certain races are only attracted to each other. But love holds no bounds, and there is a reason for that.

?The relationship wasn't special at all, in my head I just wanted it to be so bad that it was soon all I could see. In reality it was a nightmare relationship. It's like she couldn't do a single thing right.

?I am actually quite flattered that they take their time to understand me. It makes me feel as though I am special, feeds the ego lol. But in the long run I'm sure it isn't healthy for me.

?The more they target my weak spots, the stronger my weak spots become. I'm hoping soon I won't have any weak spots at all. I don't trust anyone but myself and my kitten. It is worse than regular bullying without a doubt. But at least I know they would never bullying me directly or even dare to hit me. They know what I'm capable of.

I guess it is always hard to accept that things weren't what one wanted them to be - it is sad & painful to realise, but then again holding on to something that just isn't "real" never improves anything either in the end. It only keeps things from getting better. I think if it is really special, it is special for both - when it is only special for one it is only that person wanting it to be more than it is...I learnt that from my first relationship but I guess I was just plain stupid & naive anyway. ^^ Well, if she doesn't exist anymore & you would be okay with never talking to her again block her, erase her number & really move on - don't give her any room in your head anymore or let her mess with it...you allowed that far too long. You wasted so much energy that you could have & maybe should have invested in yourself & your future but luckly it is never to late for that.

Sounds like things have been less than ideal for your relationships in the past - but then again when are they ever perfect? Why wasn't one girl welcome in the house because she was a girl? I am confused. :p Also, I am a bit confused as to whether you still live at home or not - somehow it tends to sound like it but then looking at your age I would assume you have your own place since some years already. Have you ever sat down with your father to find out what his problem there is? Surely it is not normal to try to sabotage your relationships & he clearly over steps his boundaries there. You are an adult & he has no business messing with things there imo. It is great that one girl talked with him eventhough it didn't seem to help but honestly, it would be your responsibility to keep him in check & defend your realtionship - you know what I mean? I don't know how your relationship with your father is but if he does that s**t because he is afraid of losing you - I assume doing things like that he will drive you away sooner or later & your happiness should be more important to him in the end anyway. I guess it is not really any of my business but I hope you two can find some way for him to accept that you are not a child anymore & whoever you choose to be with he has to accept in the end. 

Well, I guess as long as you protect yourself & get something out of the bullies "trying to understand" you, there isn't much one can say...but I guess it is a bit tricky when on the one side you feel flattered (but still knowing they don't really try to understand but rather find out your weak spots to target them better) but on the other side your weak spots become stronger the more they get targeted. But I guess you being in those situations & knowing those people, can somehow figure something out there. Just don't let things get to you too much.

Well, now that you hopefully moved on ;p concentrate on yourself & your future - the new year coming up might be a great chance there. Not that it needs a new year to change things but since it is already there why not using it for writing a new chapter. Make plans, set goals, figure out ways to change & improve things & ways to reach your goals & then go for it - next year can only be better, I guess.

It is really hard to accept that she is no longer the girl she was. But it's clear now that the girl I loved is dead and this is all that's left. What's left is far less than I deserve as a man. I realise now that by keeping her in my life all I'm doing is preventing it from getting any better. She did not meet the standard I was looking for and yet I continued to talk to her even when she told me she's not going to see me again. I'm beginning to see that I deserve better than that, any man does. I deserve a girl that wants to spend every waking minute with me, and I with her. I am wanting her to be more than what she is and that is something she can never be.

?She recently added me on Snapchat and continued talking to me even though she said she doesn't want to see me again. She started showing me a list of phone numbers she's blocked on her phone and the views she had on some video. I can honestly say I'm not even slightly interested in her. I don't care about some randoms that are talking to her. She's only reinforcing my belief of what she is. I've told her to remove me and never contact me again. She doesn't seem to be listening so I think I'm going to have to remove her instead. I think it's starting to sink in that her games are over and she will no longer have someone to victimise and abuse. It won't be long before she realises what she had and how she completely took me for granted, but I'm going to be gone before that.

?In my mind she really doesn't exist anymore, I don't know who this person I'm talking to is but she's not the girl I once knew. I'll be fine, if not better, by removing her completely from my life forever. She has stayed in my life for far too long and nothing good has come of it. I stayed loyal to her for 4 years thinking that we would one day be married and have a beautiful family together. Now I can see that this will never happen and that's okay. I know one day I'll meet someone who would want nothing more than to have my children and create a beautiful life with me.

I've never been allowed to have any girls over the house. I'm not sure why but unfortunately that has contributed to the failure of past relationships. I was living on my own for some time but after the overdose I thought it would be best for me to go back home for now.

?I'm not sure why he has made an effort to sabotage my relationships. It could be because he had two that didn't go well for himself. He was married to my mother, had 3 children and then an affair which led to another 4 children. He could be subconsciously trying to protect me from having the same problem. Maybe he thinks all women are bad? Who knows? Whatever it is, it is a very complicated issue and I may never understand it. You're right that any parents priority should be the happiness of their child. I have had a troubled childhood where I spend the majority of my life on my own and this has probably contributed to the problems I've had in recent years. It's so easy for me to blame the people around me, but as you already know my experiences where I live, you could guess that they would only take pride and see it as an accomplishment.

?I'm not a child anymore, but the way I am treated by people makes me feel like I'm still in school. I don't think my family could ever accept me being with a girl. They don't want to share me with anyone. The only option I have is to move far away and start a life somewhere on my own. I'm not benefiting in any way by staying here, if anything it's just holding me back.

?I don't think there's any way that next year could be any worse, whatever happens. I've got that court case in the beginning of January but I'm not going to let that bring me down. I'm going to make a stand for people suffering with mental health, we are people too and we have rights just like anyone else. My probation officer compared my overdose and attempt to commit suicide to that of a drunk person being violent. I must admit I did feel quite sick when he said that, but not everyone is educated on these kinds of things.

She has finally deleted and blocked me from Snapchat. I told her to never contact me again. I feel so happy and free and I've got butterflies in my tummy. I should've done this a long time ago!

Well, that is great - I guess after being used to treat you however she wanted without real consequences for 4 years it maybe took a bit to sink in for her that things have changed but I am glad she leaves you alone now so you can go on with your life. I am sure she will find someone else to play her stupid puberty games with but that's none of your concerns anymore now. 

You know what you need, want & deserve - eventually you will find it. I am sure that is not the primary concern atm though - I am sure there are a lot of things you need to work on first & get out of the way but sooner or later you will meet someone & I hope you will be in a better state then (mentally & living situation wise etc) so that relationship will have a real chance to blossom, grow & hopefully lead to a happy future. Yes, I guess from the sounds of it you family being an obstacle to your relationships succeeding might be one more thing that adds to the "pro"-list of moving away to live an adult life - I guess the town you live in now is not a good place to start a family already anyway, let alone have children grow up in. Well, maybe at some point you should have brought a guy home, maybe he would have said "oh, please bring girls home again" then. ;D But seriously, it is sad that he felt/feels the need to interfere there for whatever reasons. Maybe he tries to protect you, maybe your mental issues cause him to be over-protective - but honestly, him seeing you happy should have taken care of his concerns one would think. From the sounds of it he cheated on your mother? - so who is he to say anything there when he couldn't even be loyal? I mean, I am sure he had his fair share in those relationships failing - so i don't know what he tries to protect you of then...or is he trying to protect those girls from you? I mean, why calling them & telling about your mental issues? That is all a bit weird, esp considering your age - but I don't know how your relationship is or what kind of person he is, I am sure he has his reasons whether they make sense or not. But I guess you never sat down & talk about this? Btw. it is nice he opened his house for you to come back after what had happend - but I hope once you are stable enough again you can go & lead your own life again, & I hope he will see that you are perfectly fine then & maybe once you settled down with a nice girl he can hopefully see that he doesn't need to worry eitherway. It is always difficult when other people, esp parents, mess with your relationship - that always never ends well for one side. But I hope he can overcome whatever drives him to behave like that eventually. I can't imagine him wanting you to be alone for the rest of your life after all.

But I guess for now you need to work on all that needs work - get the court case over with, I am sure that isn't helping with your issues or in general either. Maybe it is good it is January already so it doesn't drag on for too long & you can use the rest of the year for more positive things & improvements. I guess in a way those things are things one would like to hide from & hope they will go away but somehow it seems you can see a cause in the charade they put you through there, so that is good & I hope it helps you. I hope however the outcome will be you will be able to deal with it & then move on to create the future you invision for yourself. You know I am crossing my fingers. You tried to harm yourself & not others in the first place - how the f**k is that the same? What an idiot - but I guess he doesn't care to understand but rather puts you in some box..I hope you can get rid of that jerk soon. 

Well, I will be offline for the weekend & Christmas so I already wish you a merry & peaceful holiday & hope you will have a good time. Take care of you & enjoy Christmas.

Looks like she's not giving in without more harassment. As I mentioned previously, I made it clear to her to never contact me again. She decided to follow me Twitter at 2 o clock in the morning. I called her up and she was acting moody as usual saying "what do you want?". I asked her why she followed me on Twitter, she started talking BS as usual. "I didn't", "I don't have Twitter". It has become harassment where whether she wants to be with me or not, she will not leave me alone to live my life. I feel like she's possessed by some kind of demon, telling her to abuse me. It's like she feels that this is her only purpose for being alive. She then said something like she has to call someone and hanged up. She has reached a point of desperation where she's trying as hard as she can to make me jealous. Luckily for me, I don't really feel jealousy towards anyone on this Earth. I could never feel jealous of her... I feel sorry for whoever ends up with her. She is a living nightmare and I pray to God that this is the end of her abuse.

?Moving away is definitely the best idea right now. Though I wouldn't be surprised if my family tracked me down and had people watching me, wherever I go. I can't see them giving me freedom without a price.

?I have brought male friends to the house a few times but they always told me they felt very unwelcome. To be honest I was thankful that they were truthful to me about it instead of pretending everything was ok. They would come here once and then never again. My friends used to make comments to me regarding where I live. I remember one of my friends said to me "sit down man, relax, this is your house". And I realised then how tense I felt, like I couldn't sit down in my own home. I'm not sure why I felt this way but it's nothing new. I have always felt as though I am not deserving of anything in life.

?I could never bring up my children in this town, I would never forgive myself. They deserve so much more and though I may not be able to give them the world, I'll damn well die trying that's for sure.

?He has always interfered in my relationships, maybe he feels threatened by me having someone else in my life whether a girlfriend or a male friend. Sometimes I think he would rather have a sex change and be my girlfriend, than another girl being with me. I know how messed up that must sound, but honestly that's how I interpret the situation and it just makes me want to run far away. You would think that he would want to see me happy with someone. But to be honest I have always avoided showing any emotion around him, because he seems to get quite aggressive when I am happy.

?He doesn't accept my mental issues. He says that there is nothing wrong with me. A few times when I have been to see the doctors he has followed me in to tell them not to give me any more medication.

?I'm not sure if he is protecting me from them or them for me. I get the idea that my family does not want to see me with anyone outside of the family. I'm not sure why this is, but regardless, I love women and I'm going to do what I can to have a life with someone I love. We all deserve love and happiness, regardless of our mental health.

?If I'm completely honest I feel like my mental health has been caused by my childhood, being raised in a broken home and not having the support that the other kids had. I've never spoken about it before, sometimes I just tell myself I'm wrong. I've been brought up to never say a bad word about anyone in my family, whether they've done something wrong or not. If someone breaks something, I will accept their blame, although we both know I had nothing to do with it. I have been raised to believe that everything in the world is my fault and people can do no wrong. It has always been a part of my belief system. In recent years I have taken a stand and said no, for once in my life I am not to blame. I am used to being the emotional punch bag but I'm now old enough to know that I have rights just like anyone else.

?You're right it's definitely not the same what the probation said. I think he says these things just to mess with my head. Like when he said there's nothing wrong with me, although the doctors said otherwise. And apparently there is no evidence there of me having a mental condition. He has been talking to my dad so I don't know what they're saying when I'm not there.

?Anyway I think I know how I want next year to go. I want to leave the ex in 2017 and hope she never ever contacts me again. She is no good for my mental health. I'm hoping to move far away from this place, I'll happily live all alone than live here. I think it would do a lot of good for me to be from all the family and people that know me. They are also no good for my mental health, and they appear to be having an incredibly negative effect on my life. If there was an "Eject" button somewhere I would press it right now and fly out of this city lol.

?Thank you so much mrs for the support and kind words. You do not know how much it means to have someone that understands this life I have to live. But it has meant a lot to have you here to talk to. I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year.

I hope you had a nice Christmas & are looking forward to a new year with new chances & a better future.

Oh, man - I hope she eventually leaves you alone then. As I said she could treat you like she wanted for 4 years - maybe it needs longer for her to realise things are not like that anymore than one would have thought but I hope she eventualy stops that nonesense. I guess as long as you keep pushing back & telling her clearly "no" again when she tries to do stuff like that she has no choice but to let it be eventually. I guess in a way her behaviour now just shows even more what a sort of person she is & how she can't even accept your need for a clear cut really. All she does now is showing you it was the right decision in the end..but who knows what she thinks she will get out of that. Keep blocking her & making plans for your own future - things will be okay eventually.

I guess your relationship with your father is rather difficult from what I can read out of this - always has been or did it start at some point? And yes, that sounds really messed up ;o - what gives you that impression though? You being happy makes him aggressive? That all sounds weird & yes, I guess with such a living situation & family situation you are better off living alone somewhere else. I know myself how much the living situation can make ones issues worse. I felt so much more relaxed & better once I had moved out - like I could actually breath free without all that tension around. I can relate to what you say there (well, what your friend said). I never liked bringing friends home either - I rather went to their places or we meet somewhere else entirely. I don't even think they wouldn't have been welcome but I didn't want to bring them in that "air" - if you know what I mean? The air was always tense at home, cold, unwelcoming - in a way, I think, I felt ashamed of that alone already as well. A lot of it having to do with how things were between my parents & my father in a way - even though that wasn't really his fault..not going too much into detail, I guess I could write a novel trying to explain why etc. but it doesn't really matter. But even with my parents - after they had finally split up & gotten a divorce, living their own life they both got so much better. I grew up sort of hating my father & not caring about him at all - I got to know him, the real him, afterwards..he was never that horrible person I always saw in him - he suffered, he couldn't keep up with all the expectations & the world & all negativity we threw at him surely didn't help. He never had a chance back then, in a way it makes me sad how we treated him but then again I was child & didn't know it better & his aggression etc surely didn't help there either. I guess eventually such situations turn into a vicious circle & once one removes oneself from it things become clearer & have a chance to get better. I would imagine your issues have something to do with that too - in a way it influences one a lot how one was raised & the circumstances one grew up in. In a way made me who I am but it doesn't define me - that's how I see it. But you know how things were for you when you lived on your own as well - I assume it helped with your issues & yes, I can't really see how things with your father are or have been healthy there at all. I can't imagine they are healthy for him either tbh. I cross my fingers that you can solve that situation next year - find a new & nice, healthy & safe place to live & be yourself, relax & get better again.

Just a short message between the years, so to say - I hope you stay in a positive mood & don't let things bring you down. And you are welcome - I am happy to help or be here for you to just have an outlet for all that has built up over the years. I hope all your hopes & wishes for the new year will come true - but they are nothing that you can't achieve anyway so just keep focused & things will turn out fine. Wishing you all the best & a happy new year already. Next year the real "work" starts. ;D I hope you have a nice time.

(Sorry for any typos but I am still bloated & tired from Christmas & I am too lazy to read over ^^)

Hi mrs,

?Christmas was good. I ate a lot of food and had some useful presents. Hope you enjoyed yours and yes I am looking forward to a fresh new start. I know what I need to do. My quality of materialistic things will drop as I move from this house to being somewhere else on my own. But in return for this sacrifice I should discover a far higher quality of life. Hopefully a life where my days are filled with positivity and purpose rather than what I'm getting while living here.

?I didn't bother contacting her again after the phone call. I assumed that finally she would leave me alone. She added me again just last night. She said she "enjoys talking to me now and then". I don't really want someone that sticks around for the occasional chat, especially when her idea of a chat is to abuse me. She has taken the pi$$ out of the conviction I had, my mental issues and apparently I need to "fix my nose and my teeth". Well that's her problem not mine. Funny how when she was with me those things were never an issue she discussed... but I'm glad she has shown her true colours now.

?Once again, I have persuaded her to block and delete me and never contact me again. I just hope she sticks to it this time. It has been over a month since I've seen her, she has clearly developed a lot of "hate" towards me and she even told me herself. I think it's because she can't generate a negative reaction from me no matter how much sh*t she puts on my back. It's getting to her, that's why she wants to stick around, to try and break me. I think she's run out of things to say though.

?Once I move away from here I can finally start focusing on meeting beautiful women - inside and out. I know what I've had to put up with, isn't anything like what I deserve. I guess my issue was my confidence at the time... thinking I deserve to be treated that way by a girl like that. Now I know I deserve a girl who will love me just as I am, care about me, want to talk to me and see me all the time. A girl who likes going out places with me and wants to have fun and make the most of this great life we have been blessed with. I'm tired of mediocrity, it's not what I want or deserve. I'm willing to give my all so I'm not going to settle for anything less than a girl that's willing to do the same.

?I think I can relate to your father there. I've dealt with a lot of hate, which usually appears to be something they've created on their own. I have suffered from carrying the pressures of other people as I create positive energy within myself, they steal it and use it up with more of their hate. Hatred uses up far more of our energy than any other emotion. But even if my abusers knew this, it is still an unshakeable habit of theirs

Glad to hear you had a nice Christmas - I hope your start into the new year was just as well.

So, here it is now - new year, new chances, new beginning, new challenges..I hope all turns out like you hope. I am sure some things will need more work than others, take longer or challenge you more but I can read a good portion of optimism & "let's get to work" out of your message & I hope you can keep that attitude up even if there are setbacks or things that try to bring you down or stand in your way. I have no doubt that you will make your way & eventually build up a better life than you would have had staying in your old town. I guess giving things up is less of a sacrifice when you gain other things that matter more in the end - even if you will have less material things then or less money, in the end what does one really need - a roof over your head, food, clothes & the rest is more or less luxury, depending on how one looks at it. Maybe you can find a better job later & be even better off - who knows..time to find out. ;D I guess a fresh start is as exciting as it is frightening - but we both know that one will never find out unless one tries.

Ah, well - I hope that chapter is closed by now & she got left in the old year. She seems desperate - maybe stringing you alonge gave her something after all but that is her issue to deal with..why bringing such things up afterwards, yes that really doesn't make sense. Haha, yeah - maybe you turned into a sort of challenge for her..but you must really have an awful lot of patience. ;P I guess being one's own worst enemy in a way & one's own worst critic doesn't give people much ammo anymore - what can they say that you haven't told yourself yet after all. I guess negativity from others just has less of an effect then - one positive thing about that. ^^ I hope she really ran out of things to say or places to "stalk" you now.

You clearly deserve someone better & I am glad your realised that you do not deserve to be treated like this, no-one does after all. It is funny how mean one can be to oneself in a way - I mean, who defines what you deserve or not? It is you after all - I know exactly how that is & it is so damn stupid. I get this urge to sabotage things when they are good because I don't trust them & fear them turning bad when I am not prepared sooner or later anyway - because I :don't deserve it"...I used to act on it more or less, now I only see these thoughts & urges pop up & just wonder...the human mind is a weird thing. But yeah - you deserve better & you will find better...build up your life again, stronger & more postive - I guess often what keeps us from being happy is ourself after all. 

I know what you mean & yes, hate is surely a strong emotion. I think the problem is when a certain power-structure is established & people have their role in it it is difficult to change these roles - esp in a family constellation. Not saying he was not at fault at all but I feel we didn't really give him much of a chance & my mother only contributed to all of this. Creating this "everyone is happy when he is gone" sentiment, like he is to blame for all that is bad etc. But even after he stopped beating us I didn't see him differently...the roles didn't change - if you know what I mean. After my parents were divorced I felt the obligation to look after him because he was more or less a loner, only having one friend. Not that he wasn't liked by people but he never really let them close - I guess he just didn't know how to..he was very sensitive & clumsy in a way there. I didn't know what to expect when I did visit him the first time - I was a bit nervous, expecting this a**hole but feeling sorry for him for being so alone now. What I am trying to say is that the change of the circumstances & the roles in a way made it possible for us to move on & we had a good friendship after that until he passed away. I see my childhood as a different chapter - not saying I don't feel bad, or sorry, or sad, or angry thinking back to things but somehow it is closed & can't reach me as much anymore, if that makes sense. My point is I think with the circumstances changing you have the chance to create a new self, a new image & re-define your realtionships (those that are worth it). One more thing that might be good about finding your place somewhere else away from this town where your role is so defined already - you will have all the possibilities in the world to be who you want to be & really are - I hope you can achieve that this year & move forward...& finally be happy, free & maybe even leave your issues behind which seems to be influenced a lot by the circumstances as well. I wish you all the best for that.

I don't know whether the conversation here has run its course now but, since it is on your terms, feel free to sort of close it as you please. Remember how strong your are & don't let your goals out of sight. For now I wish you a happy new year & the best of luck for the challenges that are ahead of you.

I am gradually working towards the person I want to be and creating the life that I want. There are many setbacks and obstacles, as you already know, but I'm not going to let them stop me from achieving what I want in my life.

?There is no doubt in my mind that if I move out of this town I will be able to have a far better quality of life. I guess my only fear is that the people of this town will try to influence and contact others wherever I go, in the hope to stop me from succeeding. I know I'm going to need to make a discreet exit when the time comes. I've learned that I am liked quite a lot here, but not in a good way. I think I am liked because my abusers feel free to abuse me, so they don't want me to leave. If I leave, no doubt they will try to make my life hell wherever I go, but I've got to try.

?I believe God has put these people on this Earth for a reason, their purpose is to act as an obstacle to me achieving greatness. Maybe he wants to see if I can strive even with these people on my back. I see it as a test and whatever happens, I'm never going to stop.

?I have left the girl in the past where she belongs. She tried hard to stay in my life but I just couldn't let that happen. She is not what I want and not what I need and no matter how much time goes by, that will never change. No one deserves that in their life. I have set my standards in what I am looking for and she could never live up to them.

?You are right, no one deserves to be treated the way that I have. We all deserve great things, no matter who we are or what we've done. Even my abusers... if they genuinely accept their errors and try to change their ways, I honestly wish only good things for them. We cannot change the past, but anyone can make a change now to improve the future. Changing the world starts by looking in the mirror.

?The human mind is certainly a strange but incredible thing. It is in our nature to sabotage things before they develop into something great. Like we don't deserve to have something great, or at least that is what we believe. If you believe that, you will believe no one else does either. And perhaps that is why I've been treated this way. People see where I've come from and I'm trying to climb high and achieve great things and they don't like it. They're probably telling themselves "I don't deserve greatness, so why does he?". Well I can't keep worrying about everyone else's insecurities, I've got my own to deal with. I want to achieve great things and if they want to spend their lives watching mine, that's up to them, but they're not going to stop me.

?Hate is indeed a very strong emotion, stronger than love. It seems that when you love something too much and it doesn't respond in a way that you want, that is when the love turns to hate. Hate and jealousy are two emotions I've never really understood or experienced myself. It is wrong to wish bad on others, no matter who they are, even if they're murderers or rapists. You should only wish good things for them. As soon as you wish for them to suffer or die, this is counter-intuitive and only influences them to do more bad things. We need to be part of the solution, than part of the problem. Instead of feeding into the negative energy, turn that into positivity and create a better tomorrow. People believe they don't have the power to change the world we live in, so they'd rather screw things up, but that doesn't make it any better. Real people get hurt and abused in this world and not just the murderers or the rapists, but what about the victims. Hate creates these people, the abuse the victims receive creates more criminals and it's just a vicious circle.

?I am not a religious man but I have always had faith in God. I've read so many books from all religions and I could summarise it so quickly. God represents good, Satan represents evil and both have many followers. There is a line which separates good from evil. This line is crossed when one does something to intentionally harm another. This is the difference between good and evil and this is the difference between the followers of God and the followers of Satan. I believe that if this line is crossed a limited number of times, one could be forgiven. But if you live your life to intentionally harm others, whether it is many people or just one person, there is no way God would have any forgiveness. He has given us free will, but he has also given us morality and a conscience. Denying this is the same as denying God. These are not just my beliefs, they are the foundation of every religion on this Earth.