Any advice re: obsessive thoughts?

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I'm in a phase of enormous anxiety and serious depression as I approach the sixth anniversary of the loss of my daughter and only child to mental illness.  The past months I have been struggling with a health issue that isn't dangerous but has made me very anxious and now my emotional state is very, very bad.  I was a wonderful mother, I fought my daughter's war with her every step of the way, I never let her down once, not once.  But I am obsessing over the things I could have done differently, I can't stop doing this.  I know there was nothing I could have done but I am punishing myself every day and I don't know what to do.  My therapist just keeps telling me how sick she was and my psychiatrist doesn't seem to have any advice.  Has anyone else ever struggled with self blame even when there was no reason for it?  And what did you do to stop?  TY for any help.

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  • Posted

    Hi jill

    I am so sorry and cannot begin to imagine how devastating it must be to loose a child and you have my deepest sympathy. To

    you sound like you were a caring and loving mum who did everything she could for her daughter. You must think of all the good things you did for her and the support you gave her during her life.

    i think it's very normal to have all sorts of feelings over such a loss, particularly when a huge reminder like an anniversary draws near.

    I am no therapist, but we all grieve for people in different ways. Some are able to function and act as normal, but its only a cover up. I think you are still grieving and your therapist sounds dreadful. Have you tried bereavement counselling or a self help class.

    You yourself say you did everything for her, so try to think of happymtimes you had together

    I can relate to you thinking you're to blame and feelings of guilt as to why her? Why not me or someone else. That is a normal reaction.  Some people sre eaten away by blame that in some  strange way they feel responsible themselves for what happened. You need to remember happy times and know that she is now at peace.

    i would ditch the therapist and physciatrist and look for new ones. Have you seen a doctor who could prescribe medication to help with your feelings

    good luck and let us know how you're doing

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    • Posted

      TY very much for your kind response.  The therapist simply doesn't know what else to do after five years but I have find another in addition to her.  As for the psychiatrist, I saw her today.  She's actually quite good and very caring.  I am now on Abilify, short term (you can't take this drug long term and it is actually a low level anti-psychotic).  I will see her once a week for therapy and medication followup for about six weeks then go back to every three weeks.  I will stay on the Abilify for a couple of months and then slowly wean off while beginning Zoloft.  We'll see what happens.  TY again.

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  • Posted

    You need to come to terms with your loss and stop beating yourself up.

    I would suggest you talk to a family member or someone who you are very close to who knew you and your daughter. You need to let out your worries and concerns and try and understand you were unable to help with your duaghters condition and Her bad decision making, it was not your fault.

    When someone loses someone close to this type of situation they leave the living with so many regrets, fears guilt and concience, what if ? and Why ? are just two thoughts that cannot be sorted very quickly if ever you will need that time to grieve and get over your loss. It is never easy and it will take you time to look forward to a new life without your Child.

    Be kind to yourself, you still have your own life to live and I would think someone who has passed over would be very sad to think you are going through such a negative time still.

    Try and remember the good and bad times you had together, they are both important feelings and understanding we all go through at a loss


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    • Posted

      I know you mean well but you have absolutley no idea, being a man and not having lost a child, what you're talking about.  She did not have "bad decision making", she had horrific hallucinations, she paced, she was afraid to sleep in her room, she was MENTALLY ILL.  Suicide is not a "bad decision", it is the act of a desparate terrified mind that is unable to  process normal thought due to PSYCHOSIS.  I have no family, she was my family. Thanks anyway but really, think before you type next time.

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  • Posted

    Wow I'm in awe. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful sounding daughter. I can't even imaginge how you feel. But from the advice of an 18 year old with OCD and anxiety, I'm still in the same boat as you; worrykng about my health, putting myself down and comparing myself to my friends who seem in a better position then me. But what I have been doing recently is instead of thinking what if.. try and make the best of your situation. You loved your daughter, you did everything you could to help her. So in honor of her, why don't you help other parents struggling with the same issues you are. get involved in suicide prevention. Anything but self ridicule and thinking what you could've done. Best of luck to you.

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