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any advice would be GREATLY appreciated

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hello326
hello326

Hi, 

i've been on escitalopram for 3 weeks now. i've read the posts that i need to give it a bit more time, but i just don't feel 'right' on it... i know this sounds stupid, but i get realllllyyyyy spacey all the time, like i am not there at all. i feel my mind does not work at all correctly on it, my thoughts are really disjointed and i can't think straight, the anxiety is really bad, and i get really disassociated. 

i was on fluoxetine and mirtazapine for 3 years previously, which was the best 1.5 years of my life. the following 1.5 years not so good, mainly due to being in a bad relationship, then when that ended it all came tumbling down again. i just felt solid on the fluoxetine, and confident in my thoughts and feelings, weird i know. but it wasn't working anymore.

since starting the escitalopram, yes my mood has increased, i am no longer actively suicidal, but i just don't feel its right. a lot will be psychosomatic as i've probably convinced myself it's not right for me. i see my pdoc at the end of next week, but i'm nervous as i think they will tell me to stay on it even if i dont think it's right for me. 

i'm only on 5mg of escitalopram (i am very sensitive to meds), but the anxiety has increased whilst taking it. like i said, the depression has increased, but it doesnt seem like much of a life like this! 

thank you for reading!

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • jane42137
    jane42137 hello326

    Posted

    Hi, it's great that you've been able to reach out whilst feeling rubbish.

    I can't give you any answers (I wish I could) but if there's safety in numbers, take comfort that I and a lot of others from what I've read are going through exactly the same.

    I'm guilty of worrying about meds that I'm on and convince myself the GP will not listen to a word I say and make me do something I'm not happy with. This has never happened and I worry myself silly for ages leading up to an appt. I rehearse the whole conversation in my head with the worst scenario as the outcome!

    I do think though that it's pretty understandable as we just want to feel better as soon as possible because what we are feeling is absolutely horrible.

    You're probably doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for with a better mood and less suicidal thoughts, that's fab. We can't always see our own slight improvement, it takes someone else to point it out to us sometimes.

    Although 3 weeks seems an we eternity when you're feeling so awful, it probably isn't in the great scheme of anti d's as they can take quite a while to work. However, if you feel the same about your new meds as you do now when your Doc appt comes up, tell him/her everything (start making a daily diary to take with you). You can then decide what to do together.

    I too have started a new anti d after years of being confident on an original for many years that stopped working for some reason. I'm having awful side effects (similar to yours). Try to take one day at a time. It's easy to worry about tomorrow, next week etc. What if I .....and so it goes on. Like me, it sounds like you've got through this before and you will again. Remember, nothing stays the same forever, it will get better xx

    • hello326
      hello326 jane42137

      Posted

      Hi Jane,

      Thank you for your reply. It helped when you said other people are propably experiencing similar things on them. I think some of the hardest things for me are the weird feelings that I get, like I'm thinking about thinking, as opposed to feeling. I'm not sure if this is a side effect of the medication or not.

      You're right, 3 weeks isn't long in terms of how long it takes for things to work. I do feel that I need to give it until the end of next week when I see my pdoc, although my heart tells me it won't change and I've made that decision.... quite Stubborn my end!

      What did you take before that worked, and what are you on now?

      I'm part of a group psychotherapy session and the weirdness I am experiencing is getting in the way of that.

      Thank you again for replying!

    • jane42137
      jane42137 hello326

      Posted

      Hi. There's loads of us feeling exactly the same! I've read hours worth of forums (as you do when you're desperate to feel better). It's typical though that the posts you remember and chew over for hours  are the negative/horror stories and not the positive outcomes🙄

      Nothing wrong with being stubborn, shows you've got strength. 

      I feel spaced out too, finding it hard to concentrate, I feel as though I'm walking like I'm drunk( haven't touched a drop). I'm really dizzy and feel weird. Really don't feel like me at all. 

      I think when we're going through all this, all we can think about is how we're feeling(I know I do). I'm constantly checking how I'm feeling. This is bound to lead to thinking about thinking. All we want is to feel better and we are constantly thinking about how we are going to do this and thinking about how crap we feel. 

      I was on citalopram for years, it worked well until about 3 months ago. For some reason I got full blown anxiety/depression. GP persuaded me (after me being stubborn for weeks and struggling) to change to sertraline. I've been on this about 9 weeks. It's been a very rocky road. 

      Chin up love 

       

  • danny43
    danny43 hello326

    Posted

    I know exactly how you are feeling and it's not something you can understand unless you've been through it or something similar. Its really hard to explain and describe but you just cant think, I was like this for hmm about 5or6 months at first it was just memory loss really bad I couldn't remember if I had had a shower that day or what the weather had been like that day, then I couldn't do simple mathematics and spellings were worse much worse. I began to realise that it was because I had lost the ability to picture things in my minds eye, so say I was trying to spell a word I used to do this by visualizing the word being spelt, so strange its like losing a sense. I started on 5mg then after 8weeks I moved to 10mg, and then again with 15mg. It dose get better and I'm so glad I went on them now hope this is a comfort for you

    • hello326
      hello326 danny43

      Posted

      Hi Danny,

      Thanks for the message. What you are describing, is that after starting the escitalopram or without it? How long until the 'weirdness' started to subside on the medication?

      How you describe things make an awful lot of sense to me, yet I think I'm the only person on this earth who has these difficulties.

  • danny43
    danny43 hello326

    Posted

    I went to the doctor with memory loss so everything else happened after starting escitalopram, l started to have the occasional day that seemed better so what I did is write a diary stating wether or not id had a good day or bad day mentally then I charted it on paper, the results were every ten days I had a good day this went on for two months and then started being less uniform on and off until after a few more months they are now mostly good days
  • hello326
    hello326

    Posted

    bit of an update guys....  now i've been taking for 4 weeks pretty much. my mood is  slightly better, but my brain still doesn't work correctly i feel. i feel completely not there sometimes and spaced out, i feel detached from myself and the anxiety seems to be at an all time high. i see my psychiatrist on friday, so i will stay on until then. i am wondering if these 'side-effects' will ever die down, whether i am making them worse by insisting its the medication, or that it will be stuck like this forever. 

    • danny43
      danny43 hello326

      Posted

      I know exactly how you are feeling and its not going to happen overnight but you will get better.

      You know I didn't even know this could happen to a person, I had know idea depression and anxiety could be so so bad, some of the feelings make you feel like you have dementia or that your losing your mind, but once you start to realise your not dying you will start to feel better, its just a process you have to go along with once your on this ride the sooner you get used to it the sooner your head will repair itself oh and a good tip for you coconut oil is brilliant for the brain I eat it in porridge oats everyday and it has helped also cod liver oil is a must for brain repair. All you can do is remain calm meditation is good, put the right stuff in your body, take meds and in time your body will do the rest trust me I've bin there. We are all here for you we understand

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